February 5, 2012

Changing Channels for Success: How To Ditch a Bad Habit

making changes means ditching bad habitsWhen bad habits threaten your success, it’s time to change them. In an earlier article on perseverance and success, I mentioned that one of ways that the two meet is through knowing what your bad habits are, and choosing to change them.

What we might call “bad habits” are behaviors that we do as a result of choices we have made in the past, but no longer have a place in our present or future. They might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but over time have come to be more of a negative influence than a positive one. I don’t know about you, but I have a few bad habits that I know affect the level of success I have achieved. I also know that the only person who can do anything about them is me.

Fortunately, if you really want to make changes and let go of your bad habits, there are a few things you can do to make that process a little easier.

1. Make the commitment to change.

Change is hard. I don’t say that to discourage you, only to let you know that making changes is not the “walk in the park” that some people make it out to be. You deserve acknowledgement just for having the courage to change.

When you are making the commitment to change, you need to be sure that this is a change you really want to make. If you are doing this for any reason other than that you know deep in your heart the time for change is now, then chances are that ditching your bad habit will be harder than it has to be.

I know from when I tried to quit smoking, it took at least five tries before I was successful. When I tried to quit because other people wanted me to, or because it was a New Year’s resolution, it didn’t work. It wasn’t until I became committed to getting healthy and taking better care of myself just because I could, that I was successful at kicking that nasty habit.

2. Decide what the change will be.

When you are eliminating a habit, it’s often easier to swap a negative for a positive than it is to just stop. Quitting something without replacing it often leaves a hole where that habit used to reside, and you don’t always know what to do with yourself. That makes it much easier to slide back into the habit you are trying to eliminate.

Going back to my battle with smoking, the biggest thing for me in stopping was what to do with my hands. I was a chain smoker and had a cigarette in my hand from morning to night, even when it wasn’t lit. I tried everything from getting up to get a glass of water as a replacement to snapping an elastic band on my wrist as punishment when I wanted a smoke.

Neither of those worked for me, by the way. What finally worked was a plastic nicotine inhaler. I could hold it like a cigarette, and not even have to fill it. By the end of about three weeks of doing this I got so annoyed at having the thing in my hand I just put it away, and haven’t had a cigarette since.

The point I’m trying to make here is that you need to decide on an alternative action that works for you.

3. Start immediately.

Once you decide that you are going to eliminate a bad habit, don’t wait to get started. Waiting only gives you a chance to talk yourself out of making a change.

You can always work in small steps instead of going cold turkey if you think that will give you better results. The important thing is to get started, even if you’re only taking alternative action once a week in the beginning.

4. Tell people what you’re doing.

It’s important to have some sort of support system in place when you’re making any type of big changes. And lets’ be honest here — deciding to change your behaviour is one of the biggest changes you can make. You really shouldn’t try to do it alone.

If your family and friends will be supportive of your efforts, then by all means tell them what you’re doing. If they’re not, then find a coach or an outside support group that you with positive feedback and support. Sometimes just having someone to vent to when the going gets a little rocky is all you need to get you back on track again.

5. Keep a journal of the process.

Keeping a journal is a great help when you’re changing habits. It doesn’t matter what kind of habit you’re trying to change, writing down your thoughts about the process as well as your successful days and your not-so-successful attempts will teach you a lot about yourself.

For example, if you are trying to change an eating habit then you could keep a food journal where you write down everything you eat, how you feel when you’re eating it, what changes you made successfully, and what happened to make you want to slip back into your old habit.

Habits are essentially patterns of behaviour. Writing down as much information as you can about your habits allows you to see the patterns, and make the necessary changes. By the time you’re done, you will have a clear picture of where you started, where you are now, and how you got from one place to the other. This will make it a lot easier for you to change the next habit because you’ve already done it once!

Throughout your whole habit-changing process, keep one thing in mind: This will not happen overnight. Behavioural experts say that it takes a minimum of twenty-one continuous days to change a habit, so you will need to practice your powers of perseverance as well as your new behaviours.

Don’t give up. Making the decision to ditch your bad habits is step toward a more fulfilling, successful life. You deserve all the good that comes your way.

I wish you much success!

Photo Credit: Morgue File

Just One Step: Moving Beyond Your Comfort Zone

It’s good to have a comfort zone. Really, it is. Even though I’m going to tell you how to break out of yours, it’s always good to know that you have that safe, familiar place to go back to when things get a little scary. It’s when your comfort zone turns into a cage that leaves you feeling trapped even when you know there’s a better life outside it waiting for you, that it becomes a not-so-good thing.

I know, because I was stuck in my own comfort zone for about eight years. Even today I have to consciously work at moving beyond the walls of my own safe zone every single day.

Comfort zones are filled with those nasty things that self-help teachers and life coaches call “limiting beliefs.” Jack Canfield calls it a “collection of can’ts, musts, must nots, and other unfounded beliefs formed from all the negative thoughts and decisions you have accumulated and reinforced during your lifetime.” (The Success Principles, p. 70) Not much good there, is there?

Sometimes it’s about more than just being held in check by your limiting beliefs and being stuck in a rut. Sometimes comfort zones become physical cages as well. This is what happened in my case. After several years of being emotionally abused, by the time my abuser was no longer in the picture, I was afraid to set foot outside my front door and afraid to let anyone in either. I stopped seeing friends, stopped answering the phone, and just about drove myself to an early grave with a heart attack at the age of 40. All because I was afraid to move beyond, to take just one step to start moving myself out of uncomfortable, but safe, place I had created for my body and my mind.

Fast forward to today, and it’s almost ten years later. I’m getting better at dipping my toe in the waters of change, and if not moving completely beyond what’s 100% comfortable for me, at least I’m pushing at the boundaries a little more often by doing the things I’m going to share with you in the next part of this article.

Three Ways To Move Beyond Your Comfort Zone

These are what I call my baby steps. Just one at a time, nothing too drastic and you will find yourself pushing back the boundaries of your comfort zone.

Use Positive Thoughts and Affirmations

Yes, positive thinking is your friend. It’s natural to feel scared when you’re moving away from what is familiar. If you can take those feelings of fear and turn them into positive thoughts of all the good stuff waiting on the other side for you, it will make taking that first step a little easier. You might even find yourself looking forward to it!

Affirmations can help get you in the right mindset for making changes too. Even something as simple as “I can do this” will put you in the positive frame of mind you need to be successful.

Try something new every day

My big breakthrough came when my son bought me golf lessons for Mother’s Day one year. I had no choice but to go out and look like a fool in a group setting. It was terrifying the first few times, but by about the end of the second week I was glad he had forced the issue.

You don’t need to try anything that drastic to start with though.If you can do something small, but new to you, every day you will soon find your boundaries expanding to encompass all your new adventures.

So what can you do? Go for a walk in a different direction each day, take a new way to or from work, try a new food, check out a shop you’ve never been in before, or even just smile at someone on the street. All these examples are baby steps in your journey outside your comfort zone, and they all add up over time.

Meet New People

This goes along with trying new things, because as you do you will be meeting new people. For me this was a big issue, even without considering my background of abuse. I’ve always been a very shy person and had trouble talking to others. Trust didn’t (and still doesn’t) come easily so having to be around people I don’t know is still a stretch for me. That’s one reason that for me, the golf lessons were a great idea. I was forced to meet new people, and have actual conversations that didn’t include a keyboard.

Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If you have family and friends that will support you in your efforts to make changes, ask for help. No one should have to walk through life alone, and having a friendly shoulder to lean on or hand to hold when the going gets a little rough is sometimes all we need to take that next step.

Moving outside your comfort zone shouldn’t be a traumatic experience. It should be fun, exciting, filled with passion and joy at being alive and able to make changes for a more fulfilling life. All it takes is just one step to start the process.

(Photo Credit © Lakeemotion | Dreamstime.com)

Lessons on Living For the Moment, Part 2

If you missed part one, you can read it here: Lessons on Living For the Moment, Part 1

Lesson Three: Be Mindful of Your Choices

A lot of the fun of living in the moment comes from being able to make the choice of what to do each minute of the day. There is responsibility too, in making sure that you accept that the choice you make for this moment will have an impact on all the moments that follow it.

Being mindful of what you are doing and why you choose to spend time doing it can be a hard lesson to learn. It can be a frustrating one too if you have trouble staying focused. Take this article, for instance…

I knew that when I chose to sit down and write this article, that I would also be committing to spending the next 45 or 50 minutes with pen and paper, engaged in the task of creating something. So the choice to write an article in one moment has a definite impact on the next several minutes. It means my butt can’t leave the chair until it’s done, that my mind has to stay focused on one topice until it’s done, and any other thoughts that don’t relate to the current topic have to be set aside for the time it takes to get everything I want to say down on paper.

It also means that I have to be mindful of each and every word that goes in to the creation of this article, because it’s very easy for me to just start spewing out whatever comes to mind. And as you’ve no doubt noticed, I can ramble with the best of ‘em!

If I’m not paying attention to where my thoughts are heading, it’s easy to get dragged so far off topic that the only way back is to just stop and start over.

It’s also possible to hit a roadblock where the thoughts just stop. If you’re not mindful of the moment when that happens, you can find yourself crashing head first into the barrier. The moment has passed, and you’ve missed the train of thought you were supposed to be on.

Lesson Four: Let Go of the Past

Which brings me to the fourth lesson I’ve learned about living for the moment. Life is too darned short to live in the past.

And I’ll be perfectly honest with you here — this is the one lesson I still struggle with on a daily basis. I’m not good at letting go, and I still spend way more time than I should thinking about the past. Even though I know I can’t change it (and if I’m really honest I probably wouldn’t if I could since it’s brought me to where I am today), it’s still there rumbling around in my mind doing its level best to interrupt my present.

Learning to accept the past for what it is, is one of the biggest obstacles I’ve faced in my quest to live each day in the moment. I’ve found that sometimes the best way to handle it is to spend a few minutes wallowing in the memories, and then just say “thank you” and send them on their way.

Sometimes, too, thoughts of the past can serve as a good reminder of why it’s so important to stay focused on the present. Like those rare moments that I catch myself thinking “Gee, I wish I had a cigarette right now,” and then I remember all those cigarettes of my past and just how good they were for me. That’s when the past shoves me firmly back into the present, and in a hurry too. I have no desire to repeat those hospital visits, thank you very much.

These days I try to live for the moment and be conscious of my thoughts as often as possible. I’m still working on it, and some days are definitely better than others. One thing I’ve noticed is that the more I pay attention to each moment, the less stressed I am about what tomorrow may bring. Who knows… I might not make it to tomorrow, and that makes me determined to enjoy today’s moments to their fullest.

Thanks for spending a few of your moments reading this. Please leave a comment and let me know if you liked it, or just say hello so I know you were here.

Thanks for being here!

Lessons on Living For the Moment

One of the lessons I have learned from being a diabetic and a heart attack survivor is the importance of living for the moment. It’s so easy to become distracted by all the “stuff” of daily life that the dreams and pleasures of each moment get forgotten, or worse, set aside. We no longer live for the present moment because our thoughts get caught up in the next big problem or in rehashing something that happened years ago that we haven’t let go of. Until something comes along, like a heart attack, to remind us that this moment is really all we have, it could be our last, and if we don’t pay attention to it, it will be wasted instead of enjoyed.

As far as heart attacks go, mine was a pretty mild one. But it was enough of a wake-up call to make me want to change. Add diabetes into the mix and I got downright mad at the situation. Because even though I wanted, and still want, to be healthy and make changes and live each moment just for itself, I know I’ve not been very successful at it up to this point.

Why?

Mostly because I was afraid. For the first two years I sat in my house, afraid to do anything in case it triggered another heart attack.

Lesson One: Letting Go of the Future

The first lesson I had to learn was to let go of the future. By that I mean I had to quit worrying about what might happen before it happens. Instead of saying “I’d like to go for a walk, but what happens if I get chest pain out there and can’t make it back home,” I had to retrain myself to say “I will go for a walk today, and now is the perfect time.”

I found that if I was worried about the chest pain, I would sit back down on the couch and not move for the rest of the day. The moment to take action was wasted because I worried about what might happen before it even had a chance to happen.

But, if I accepted that I felt good in that one moment when I decided to go walking, put my shoes on and headed out the door, then I was usually fine. Sure there were, and still are, times that I have to stop and catch my breath, but now I see those moments for the gifts they are as well — a chance to really notice my surroundings.

Lesson Two: Pay Attention to Nature

Do you know what a gift it is to be able to take pleasure in the smell of wild flowers, freshly cut grass, or the river? The sight of ducks playing in the water, or a squirrel jumping from branch to branch? Or the feel of a spring breeze gently caressing your skin? There are days when I could happily spend the whole day just sitting on a rock letting the smells, sights, and feelings of being outside wash over me. My favorite moments are the ones where I am sitting on that rock, and I can take a deep breath and know that for just this one moment in time everything is absolutely perfect in my world. There is no future to worry about, no past to agonize over how I could have done things differently. There is only now, and in this moment everything is exactly as it should be.

Being in nature is a wonderful way to live for the moment. When you take the time to reconnect with nature, whether it’s to take a walk, ride a bike, or just sit on a rock, you realize that all of nature lives for the moment. We humans have got so messed up stressing over the things we can’t control. The best stress-reliever I know is to get outside and really be a part of nature, because at that point you can’t help but be in the moment.

Going back to my example of the walk, I found that no matter how crappy I was feeling at the time, the moment I opened the door and stepped on to the sidewalk, I started feeling better. Even though for the time being I have to trudge through the urban landscape of downtown to get to the green stuff, as long as I could breathe in reasonably clean air and feel the sun on my face, even those moments where I have to deal with people in my space become tolerable. Seeing them rushing about just makes me more grateful that I can choose my moments and what I do with them.

To be continued…