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Happiness is a Choice You Make

August 18, 2011 By Lena 2 Comments

Choose HappinessIt’s true what they say about happiness being a choice. My mother always told me that you have to make your own happiness, that you can’t rely on anyone else to provide it for you. And she was right. Being happy is a choice we have to make for ourselves, no one else can do that for us. Just as your inner peace comes from a place deep within your heart, so too does your happiness and it’s completely up to you whether or not you let it out.

Like anything worth having, happiness takes work. It comes from the choices you make, the attitudes you have toward life and living. Happiness can be long-lasting or it can be fleeting… again, it’s your choice.

So, what choices should you be making in order to ensure long-lasting happiness?

1. Choose to have a positive attitude.

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Sir Winston Churchill

Looking for the good in everyone and everything around you is a sure way to help you feel happier. Think of the old “glass half full” scenario. Wouldn’t you feel happier thinking that your glass is half full rather than feeling sad that it is half empty?

It’s the same with your life. Choosing to see your life as filled with possibilities is going to leave you with a much happier feeling than looking at your life as half over and lamenting missed opportunities. That’s just depressing. When you look at it with a positive point of view, you will see that missed opportunities were missed for a reason… there’s something better just around the corner.

2. Choose to let the past go.

It’s very hard to be happy when you are filled with anger and resentment over something that happened in the past. I know a few people who have grown up to be very bitter because they can’t get past things that have happened in their childhood. As a result there is no room for happiness in their lives because they choose to hang on to the past instead of letting it go.

Once you choose to let the past go and forgive the people involved, you open the door to much more happiness for yourself.

3. Choose to accept that there are going to be things you just can’t change.

“I wanted to change the world. But I have found that the only thing one can be sure of changing is oneself.” – Aldous Huxley

How much of your happiness is wasted trying to change things or people that you have absolutely no control over? As humans, it’s in our nature to want to control everything around us. Whether it’s people or situations, the sooner you can accept that there are going to things you just can’t change, the more room you leave in your heart for happiness.

4. Choose to be grateful.

Gratitude and happiness go hand in hand. When you are grateful for all the good things in your life, you can’t help but feel happy to have them there. Choosing to be grateful for all the little blessings and miracles in your life opens you up to receiving and accepting even more blessings and miracles.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever received is to keep a gratitude journal. Take five or ten minutes in the morning and again before you go to bed and write down everything you are grateful for. You might struggle at first, but the more often you consciously stop and think about the things in your life you have to be grateful for it will become so easy that you’ll have trouble stopping after five or even ten minutes of writing.

5.Choose to help others.

“You cannot always have happiness, but you can always give happiness. ” ~Author Unknown

When you choose to help others, you are also helping yourself at the same time even if you don’t realize it. It doesn’t even have to be anything big; sometimes all it takes is a smile or a kind word to someone who’s having a bad day that helps them get through it.

When you make choices such as these, to embrace the positive pieces of your life and be grateful for them, you open yourself up to more happiness and a more fulfilling life. You have made the choice to be happy!

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What’s Sabotaging Your Inner Peace?

August 12, 2011 By Lena 5 Comments

zen rocks Inner peace is such a fragile thing. Like fine china, it doesn’t take much to shatter it, but when it’s taken care of it will last for a lifetime.

Unless of course, you lose or misplace it along the way.

It’s very easy to lose your inner peace. We are continually bombarded with distractions that stress us out and batter the walls of our peace-loving inner selves. If you’ve ever suffered from stress-related illnesses such as high blood pressure or heart disease you know how important having that peaceful place inside of you is. But it’s not just about keeping your blood pressure down or the heart attacks at bay….

Inner peace is important to everyone, not just those who use it to deal with illnesses. The ability to take a deep breath and draw on your own inner peace is an essential part of dealing with the stress that comes your way every day. Ironic, isn’t it, that the things that threaten to destroy it are the very things you rely on your inner peace to help you deal with.

So… What are these saboteurs of inner peace, and what can we do about them?

1. Feeling Anger or Resentment

A lot of negative energy and stress can be attributed to holding on to feelings of anger and/or resentment. When you’re angry you are definitely not feeling peaceful, so it’s best to find a way to let these feelings go. (Yes, I know it’s easier said than done.)

2. Resisting Change and Other Challenges

If we spend all our energy resisting the changes and other challenges that are a part of life, we pay for that resistance by losing our sense of inner peace. Finding a way to work with the change, looking for the positive feelings you can take out of it will go a long way toward re-establishing the peace that fighting the situation has destroyed.

3. Beating Yourself Up

Whether we notice we’re doing it or not, there are a lot of times when we expect way too much from ourselves. Expecting yourself to always be perfect and to never make a mistake is a sure way to erode any inner peace you might have had. As you learn to accept yourself, mistakes and all, your sense of peace and inner calm will return.

4. Regretting Things You Can’t Change

This goes somewhat hand in hand with beating yourself up. You can’t go back and change the past, so worrying about what’s already done is another way that you sabotage your sense of inner peace.

5. Giving In To Fear

Fear is another one of those insidious villains that steals our sense of peace. Whether it’s a fear of tangible things like heights and spiders, or a fear of intangible things like failure or success, giving in to fear will eventually rob you of every shred of inner peace you have. The only way around this is to work at and eventually overcome your fears, or accept that there are always things you will be afraid of and find a way to live with that.

With all of these negative influences on our lives, you may be wondering how anyone could achieve inner peace. The good thing is that once you become aware of what is stealing yoru sense of peace, you can work on eliminating those negative influences from your life.

As well, there are many ways you can go about introducing a sense of peace back into your life. These include using meditation, doing deep breathing exercises when you start to feel stressed, listening to music, or getting outside for a break to recharge.

The biggest thing to remember when it comes to regaining your inner peace, is to make time for yourself. Adding “me time” to your daily routine is a great way to ensure that your own sense of inner peace stays filled, ready for you to draw on when needed.

So… What’s sabotaging your inner peace, and how do you deal with it? Join in the discussion and leave a comment here.

Photo Credit: Master isolated images / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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Just One Step: Moving Beyond Your Comfort Zone

July 28, 2011 By Lena Leave a Comment

It’s good to have a comfort zone. Really, it is. Even though I’m going to tell you how to break out of yours, it’s always good to know that you have that safe, familiar place to go back to when things get a little scary. It’s when your comfort zone turns into a cage that leaves you feeling trapped even when you know there’s a better life outside it waiting for you, that it becomes a not-so-good thing.

I know, because I was stuck in my own comfort zone for about eight years. Even today I have to consciously work at moving beyond the walls of my own safe zone every single day.

Comfort zones are filled with those nasty things that self-help teachers and life coaches call “limiting beliefs.” Jack Canfield calls it a “collection of can’ts, musts, must nots, and other unfounded beliefs formed from all the negative thoughts and decisions you have accumulated and reinforced during your lifetime.” (The Success Principles, p. 70) Not much good there, is there?

Sometimes it’s about more than just being held in check by your limiting beliefs and being stuck in a rut. Sometimes comfort zones become physical cages as well. This is what happened in my case. After several years of being emotionally abused, by the time my abuser was no longer in the picture, I was afraid to set foot outside my front door and afraid to let anyone in either. I stopped seeing friends, stopped answering the phone, and just about drove myself to an early grave with a heart attack at the age of 40. All because I was afraid to move beyond, to take just one step to start moving myself out of uncomfortable, but safe, place I had created for my body and my mind.

Fast forward to today, and it’s almost ten years later. I’m getting better at dipping my toe in the waters of change, and if not moving completely beyond what’s 100% comfortable for me, at least I’m pushing at the boundaries a little more often by doing the things I’m going to share with you in the next part of this article.

Three Ways To Move Beyond Your Comfort Zone

These are what I call my baby steps. Just one at a time, nothing too drastic and you will find yourself pushing back the boundaries of your comfort zone.

Use Positive Thoughts and Affirmations

Yes, positive thinking is your friend. It’s natural to feel scared when you’re moving away from what is familiar. If you can take those feelings of fear and turn them into positive thoughts of all the good stuff waiting on the other side for you, it will make taking that first step a little easier. You might even find yourself looking forward to it!

Affirmations can help get you in the right mindset for making changes too. Even something as simple as “I can do this” will put you in the positive frame of mind you need to be successful.

Try something new every day

My big breakthrough came when my son bought me golf lessons for Mother’s Day one year. I had no choice but to go out and look like a fool in a group setting. It was terrifying the first few times, but by about the end of the second week I was glad he had forced the issue.

You don’t need to try anything that drastic to start with though.If you can do something small, but new to you, every day you will soon find your boundaries expanding to encompass all your new adventures.

So what can you do? Go for a walk in a different direction each day, take a new way to or from work, try a new food, check out a shop you’ve never been in before, or even just smile at someone on the street. All these examples are baby steps in your journey outside your comfort zone, and they all add up over time.

Meet New People

This goes along with trying new things, because as you do you will be meeting new people. For me this was a big issue, even without considering my background of abuse. I’ve always been a very shy person and had trouble talking to others. Trust didn’t (and still doesn’t) come easily so having to be around people I don’t know is still a stretch for me. That’s one reason that for me, the golf lessons were a great idea. I was forced to meet new people, and have actual conversations that didn’t include a keyboard.

Finally, don’t be afraid to ask for help if you need it. If you have family and friends that will support you in your efforts to make changes, ask for help. No one should have to walk through life alone, and having a friendly shoulder to lean on or hand to hold when the going gets a little rough is sometimes all we need to take that next step.

Moving outside your comfort zone shouldn’t be a traumatic experience. It should be fun, exciting, filled with passion and joy at being alive and able to make changes for a more fulfilling life. All it takes is just one step to start the process.

(Photo Credit © Lakeemotion | Dreamstime.com)
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What Stops You From Living Your Passion?

September 20, 2010 By Lena 1 Comment

A popular question in many personal development books and courses is “What would you do if you knew it was impossible to fail?” The answers are as varied and individual as we are. And yet so many people, myself included, don’t choose to follow their dreams or live their life passion. And it’s sad to know that life could be so much more if only we were willing to take the risk.

So what is that holds so many people, myself included, from following their dreams and living their life passion?

A lot of the time, the reasons why people don’t follow their dreams can be found within their mindset. It is vital to success in any area of life that we believe in ourselves and our abilities. Even before we take the first step on the path to making our dreams reality, we must have a belief that succeess is ours for the taking.

But we don’t know it. Or we do know it, and then we let all those pesky self doubts creep in. We question. Our resources, finances, abilities, and sometimes even our intelligence all come under scrutiny, and are usually found wanting. And then we let all those self doubts stop us in our tracks, sometimes for years — sometimes even for a lifetime.

The main culprit in all of this is fear. Fear that we can’t do it; fear that we’ll look stupid for even trying; even fear that every thing will go smoothly and we’ll succeed!

There’s no doubt that going after your dreams is a scary proposition for most people. We get so used to our comfort zone, and it’s risky to move beyond. There’s a whole new world out there, and it can be a very scary place. But, as the saying goes, the most successful people are the ones who feel the fear and do it anyway.

The first step in living your passion is to get over the fear. If you let the fear stop you from taking action, you will never achieve your dreams. But, if you face your fears and take action then no matter when you start, you will live your passion and achieve the success you deserve.

What holds you back from living your passion? Leave a comment and join the discussion.

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When Not Making a New Year’s Resolution Can Be a Good Thing

January 5, 2010 By Lena 1 Comment

0957yellowdaisiesI have always had a love/hate relationship with new years resolutions. There have been years when I’ve mad some really good ones and kept them. There’ve also been years where I’ve blown my resolution at about one minute past midnight on January first. Then there have been those years where my resolution has been not to make any resolutions at all. And as I’m learning quickly, there are times when not making any new years resolutions just may be a good thing.

New Year’s is such a stressful time of year. For me, it’s even more stressful than Christmas because it comes at the end of the holiday season. By this time many of us have spent a week or two (or more) eating too much, spending too much, perhaps indulging in too many cups of cheer, and spending too much time around people we’d normally avoid like the plague (aka well-meaning relatives). Sound familiar?

It leads one to ask the question — why did anyone ever think that New Year’s Day was the best time to start making lifestyle changes if they wanted a snowball’s chance in warm weather of success? That has to be one of the world’s unsolved mysteries, at least in my mind.

And let’s face it — for the majority of people making resolutions to do things like lose weight, get out of debt or quit smoking (three of the most popular new years resolutions) we are talking about serious lifestyle change.

This is something that should be done with planning, forethought, and clear intentions. It’s a true goal for improving your life and it should be given the consideration a major lifestyle change deserves. It’s not something you dive into because it’s the first thing that came to mind at the New Year’s Eve party when you were asked what your resolution for the new year would be.

Another reason why not setting a new years resolution can be a good thing is because it should be something that you choose for yourself. It’s very hard to set a clear goal about what’s best for your life when you’re being pestered and pressured by those well-meaning friends and family. Negative pressure to maintain the status quo can be just as damaging to your well-being as being urged to make changes. And we all know how hard it can be for others who are not ready to make changes to accept the fact that you want to do something to improve your life that might leave them behind.

The bottom line is, it’s okay to not make a new year’s resolution. Between the stress of the season and the pressure of people who “only want the best for you” (or at least their definition of it) sometimes you’re just better of waiting until all the hubbub from the holidays has died down. If you’ve thought about it, made your plans and decided that January first is the day you want to put your new plans into action, then by all means go for it. But if you don’t and you’d rather wait until you are clear on your intentions, then not making a new years resolution is a good thing.

When it comes down to it, every day gives you an opportunity to start a new year in your life. New Year’s Day as a holiday is just a mark on a calendar. Don’t get trapped into thinking that if you don’t quit smoking or start dieting on January first that you’re doomed to failure for the entire upcoming year. You can choose to make changes when they are right for you. Whether that’s January first or the middle of May, making a new years resolution is your choice and that’s definitely a good thing.

Did you make any new year’s resolutions? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

Thanks for being here!
lena

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How To Write Affirmations

October 29, 2009 By Lena 2 Comments

countrypathWhen you start using affirmations it’s natural to use ones that other people have created. As you progress, however, you’ll find that you get more benefit from creating your own.

When you write your own affirmations they take on more of your own energy and are more attuned to your individual goals.

There is a definite process to writing affirmations. Follow these seven rules and you will find yourself writing affirmations that resonate with your energy in no time.

1. Make it personal. Affirmations are all about you, so make sure you write them in the first person.

eg. “I AM having an incredible day today!”

2. Write in the present tense. It’s important to stay in the present moment when you write affirmations. Even if you’re working toward a goal for the future, the affirmation you write or say today is all about changing how you feel at this moment in time.

eg. “I AM feeling relaxed.”

3. Keep it simple. One line affirmations work best because they keep you focused on the target.

eg. “I AM calm.”
eg. “I feel great!”

4. Keep it positive. Affirmations are meant to help you make positive changes in your life. Avoid using negative words in your statements.

eg. “I AM beautiful!”
(as opposed to “I AM not overweight.”)

5. Be realistic. Make sure that the affirmations you write are something you can believe in. If you choose something unrealistic, you won’t believe in it, and your subconscious will ignore it.

6. Write with emotion! Pour as much emotion into your affirmations as you possibly can. The more excited and happy you are to accomplish your goal, the more positive energy will flow through your words.

7. Find your own style. Keeping all of the tips I’ve mentioned in mind, it’s important that you write your affirmations in a way that resonates with you.

And now, a few more tips…

Now that you’ve got the hang of writing affirmations, it’s time to put your new skill into practice.

Write your affirmations out every day. You can put them into a journal, or write them on index cards, or even just on little scraps of paper that you keep in your pocket.

My favorite method is a combination of a journal and sticky notes that I put up above my monitor so that they’re in my line of sight when I’m working.

Say your affirmations out loud after you have written them down. This infuses them with even more of your energy and helps to make them more real.

And finally, don’t be afraid to change your affirmations whenever you need to. You are always growing and changing, so it only makes sense that your affirmations should grow and change with you.

Learning how to write affirmations is a skill everyone should develop. They help to keep you in a more positive frame of mind, and can be a big help in keeping you focused on achieving your goals.

Have a great day!
Thanks for being here!
lena

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