When you lack self-confidence it’s easy to become stuck in the rut of settling for whatever you can get. Because your confidence is low, you don’t really think you deserve anything more so you don’t make a big deal of it when things don’t go the way you want them to.

As you begin to build your confidence up you also begin to realize that you do deserve out of life, and you don’t have to settle for any old thing just because that’s what’s there. You deserve the best life has to offer and that’s what you’re going to get! And then hard on the heels of this realization comes the next one…

The only person really holding you back from becoming the confident person you could be is… you.

Heavy thought, isn’t it? And one that has weighed down more than one person and kept them from going after what they really wanted in life. Because let’s face it… it’s scary out there when you don’t know what to expect, and when you’re not sure you can handle having what you really want.

So what can you do when you’re ready to climb out of your rut and face the world head-on? Here are three suggestions you can use to build your confidence, let yourself shine, and really go for what you want out of life.

1. Make a decision about what you really want.

You can build your self-confidence one decision at a time. Making a decision to go for something you really want in life takes confidence. Every time you decide on something and stick to that decision, you are adding to your confidence and pushing back the boundaries of your comfort zone.

To get started, ask yourself this question… If you could do anything without worrying about money, fear or time being an issue, what would you do?

Write down your answers — and yes, you should have more than one. Don’t censor yourself, just be open to what your heart is telling you and write down whatever comes to mind.

If you can do this exercise and really open up to listen to your heart without the mind trying to rationalize your answers, you are already more self-confident than you think you are.

Why? Because it takes confidence, and courage to really listen to your soul and not let logic, society or anything else get in the way of what it is trying to tell you.

Once you have your list, scan it and see what really jumps out at you. Every time I do this exercise, there is always one thing that jumps off the page at me, and keeps drawing my attention more than anything else on the list. For me that usually means “Pay attention. This is what you should be doing next.”

2. Believe in yourself.

I’m not going to repeat myself here too much because I just posted about this the other day, but good things really do happen when you believe in yourself.

When you believe you can do something, you have a much better chance at succeeding so do everything you can to deepen your sense of self-belief. Meditation, affirmations, and prayers all help to strengthen your mind and thoughts and help you move forward.

There’s a great quote by James Allen that really sums this up… He says: “For true success, ask yourself these four questions: Why? Why not? Why not me? Why not now?”

I love the last two, because when you really start to believe in yourself those two questions will show up more and more often. And when you ask yourself “Why not me, why not now?” and the answer is that there is no reason in the world for why not you and why not now your, you’ll know you are well on your way to being the confident you that’s been waiting to show her stuff to the world.

3. Put your foot on the path and start moving forward.

To paraphrase a popular banking commercial here in Canada, if you want to start moving forward then start moving forward. Nothing happens and you’ll never stop settling until you take the first step and start moving forward on your way to living your best life.

Here’s a little secret to get you started… Just taking that first step will give your self-confidence a bigger boost than anything you’ve ever done before.

When it comes right down to it, you know that you deserve more than to settle for whatever comes your way. You are a beautiful, intelligent, person and all you need is a little confidence building to give you the courage to go out and live your dreams and your passions.

Use these suggestions to get started on the path to a more confident you, and you just might find that your life becomes a circle of self-fulfilling confidence builders. The more you go after your dreams, the more self-confidence you will have and the more self-confident you become, the more willing you will be to move outside your comfort zone and go after your dreams.

Here’s a little thought for you to take with you…

“One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.” ~ Helen Keller

I can’t wait to see you soar!

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It’s Monday morning. You’ve got a to do list for the week, and goals to achieve. You know what you need to do and why you’re doing it. And yet, you drag your butt out of bed, linger over coffee, and generally have a hard time getting anything done at all.

At the same time, your neighbour jumps out of bed, checks her to-do list, goes over her goals, and is excited and motivated to start the day and the week. It’s a week full of possibilities, she says. Who knows what might happen when you’re motivated to make things happen?

Don’t you wish, some days, you could be more like that? I know I do. There are days when I find it hard to do much more than stare at the computer screen and wonder what I’m going to write. While I’d love to say that motivation has nothing to do with it, I’d be lying to myself and to you. Because the truth is, motivation — the drive to get things done — has everything to do with it. And there are days when my “gotta get it done” engine just doesn’t fire on all cylinders.

The problem is, the work doesn’t wait. It doesn’t care, and your clients don’t care, if you feel like working or not. You have to find ways to motivate yourself when you’ve got to get things done even if you don’t feel much like working.

Here are five things you can try. They work for me, and they might just work for you too.

1. Start your day on a positive note.

You don’t have to jump out of bed and proclaim how happy you are to be up at 5:00 a.m., but starting your day with negative feelings doesn’t help either. You’ll never get yourself motivated if all you do is complain about how you don’t want to be up, don’t want to exercise, or go to work, or eat a healthy breakfast.

Starting your day on a positive note means feeding your brain positive thoughts and images, right from the minute you get up. One exercise you can do to start out on the right foot is to visualize how you want your day to go even before you get out of bed. See your day flowing smoothly while you get everything on your list done and you make great strides toward achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

Then get out of bed and start your day exactly the way you envisioned it.

You can also read positive books, listen to self-help tapes, or write positive affirmations in a journal to help start your day with positive energy.

2. Get dressed in the morning.

You’ve heard the phrase “dress for success” more than once, I’m sure. The problem is, especially when you work at home, you don’t have to dress for success unless you’re actually leaving the house.

Even if you don’t put on a power suit to work from home, at least get out of your pajamas. Sure, there’s that whole “work at home in your pjs” mentality, but it’s not really meant to be taken literally. It’s really hard to get motivated to work when you’re dressed for sleeping.

You’ll find your energy is much better, and you’ll actually be more motivated to work once you’re dressed – even if it’s only in your favorite jeans or workout clothes.

3. Hang out with positive people.

If you want to improve your motivation, hang out with motivated people. It’s much easier to motivate yourself to get things done when you are always around other people who are getting things done.

Positive energy is contagious. You can’t help but be around positive people and not have at least a little of their energy rub off on you. Besides, it can be a real downer to yourself and to others if you’re always the one who hasn’t accomplished anything while others around you are continually achieving their goals and moving on.

One of the things I like to do when I don’t feel like writing is create a mental competition with my positive-minded friends. Since I’m a very competitive person by nature and I really hate to lose, I motivate myself by turning everything into a competition even if the people around me have no idea that I’m competing against them.

4. Do something right now.

You don’t have to accomplish everything on your list right now, but do something. It’s self-defeating to set a goal and then not do anything about achieving it.

I’ve done this more times that I like to admit to. I’ll get an idea, decide I’m going to do something, and then let it stew until I pretty much talk myself out of doing anything about it. My best successes have come when, as soon as I’ve set the goal, I’ve started to work on achieving it.

Even the smallest of actions can fuel your motivation, because once you start working on a project, quite often the inspiration to finish it comes with the momentum you gain from taking immediate action.

5. Burn your bridges.

No, I’m not advocating actually setting fire to something. I’m saying don’t give yourself a choice. Sometimes having too many choices leads to lack of motivation because humans being what we are, will almost always take the path of least resistance. It’s more comfortable, it’s easier, and if you fail it’s really no big deal.

If you really want to motivate yourself, don’t give yourself an out. Make achieving your goal an all or nothing proposition, and you’ll find you’re much more motivated to get things done because you absolutely can not afford to fail.

That being said, make sure when you’re planning your all or nothing strategy to build yourself some options just in case things don’t go exactly as you planned. Make sure you have an answer if someone asks you what your backup plan is, and structure it so that you are still going forward. Just because it’s a backup plan doesn’t mean you should actually use it to back up.

Knowing what motivates you is a big step in knowing that you will be successful, and everyone’s motivation will be different. Sometimes it’s just a little push outside our comfort zone that will get us motivated enough to do something. Every goal requires you work toward it, so make sure that your motivation is strong enough to see you through to the end. If you do need a little push, try these tips and let me know how they work. I look forward to hearing that your draggy Monday mornings are a thing of the past!

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When it comes to talking like you like yourself, there is only one rule. Always, always, always keep it positive!

Positive self-talk is the first step to building your self-confidence and your self-esteem. After all, if you can’t talk nicely to yourself, it’s hard to believe that anyone else will.

I know it’s hard to stay positive all the time. It’s very easy in our rushed and stress-filled lives to focus on the negatives like “I’m late again!” or “I’m so stupid” or “I’ll never be able to do this.” But self-talk is really self-fulfilling prophecy, so if you continually berate yourself with your shortcomings, then you will manifest those shortcomings instead of the positive, successful results you really want.

Fortunately, there are things you can do to turn your negative self-talk into positive reinforcement. Here are my five favorite ways to “talk like you like yourself“.

1. Accentuate the Positive

As I said at the beginning of this article, always keep your self-talk positive. The goal of self-talk is really to keep your energy high and focused on success. Using positive statements and affirmations to push yourself toward success is one of best ways to build your self-confidence that I know of. The more you tell you self you can do something, the more you start to believe it; and the more you start to believe in your own abilities the more confident become.

2. Eliminate the Negative

No amount of focusing on negative thoughts and situations will turn them into positives. No bitching at yourself or beating yourself up will help to make you feel better about yourself. Instead the opposite will happen. When you use negative thought patterns you only undermine whatever confidence you have managed to find for yourself. And if you’re already struggling with low self-confidence or self-esteem, continually berating yourself with comments like “I’m such a dummy” or “I’m no good at this” will only reinforce your low opinion of yourself.

To reverse this trend, one thing you can do is to immediately overrule your negative thought with a positive one. So if you’re telling yourself that you’re stupid or a dummy, as soon as you have that thought replace it with something positive. For example, if your negative thought is “I’ll never get this right” you could override that with the positive thought “I AM focused on learning how to do this successfully.”

3. Really Like Yourself

“Talk like you like yourself” implies that maybe you don’t like yourself so much, but you’re learning. The next step is to take it to the next level and really like yourself. Don’t just act like you do, or say the words… put some emotion and energy into it and really really really like yourself. Be kind, loving and gentle with yourself as you would with any of your loved ones.

You know what I’m talking about don’t you? It’s so easy to fall back into the trap of negative self-talk that we often say things to ourselves that we’d never dream of saying to others. Learning to be nice to yourself is a little like practicing the golden rule in reverse. Instead of doing unto others as you would have them do to you, you need to like yourself enough to do unto yourself as you already do for others.

4. Play to Your Strengths

Playing to your strengths is good for your positive self-talk for a couple of reasons. First, you have to recognize that you have strengths to be able to put them to good use. When you are learning to be self-confident it’s easy to forget that there are actually things you do well, so recognizing your strengths is a good step in the right direction.

Secondly, knowing your strong points and playing them up gives you a firm foundation for overruling your negative voice. If you know what your strengths are and you know how to use them, it’s easy to kick the negative self-talk to the curb because you already have positive experiences to replace it with.

5. Be Real

Above all, be real. Be honest with yourself in your self-talk. The whole point of talking like you like yourself is to grow yourself confidence. If you’re not honest and real with yourself, you are not doing your confidence or your self-esteem any good. Yes, you need to always be positive but there’s a big difference between being positive and feeding yourself a line. The difference is that positive self-talk implies a level of self-belief that you know deep in your heart what you are telling yourself is true.

When it comes to self-confidence and self-esteem, the key word is “self”. Only you can build your own confidence. Others can reinforce what you believe, but if you can’t talk like you like yourself and believe it, then no amount of positive reinforcement from others is going to help. Your ultimate strength comes from within you first, and how you talk to yourself is a good measure of how strong you really think you are. Use these tips to stay focused on the positive. You’ll start to really like yourself before you know it!

Photo Credit: © Erik Reis | Dreamstime.com

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You may remember a few weeks back I posted an article on how to get clarity around what you really want out of life. It’s a great process to go through because having clarity about what you is truly a wonderful thing.

But once you are clear about what you want, what’s the next step? It’s one thing to say “I know what I want.” It’s another thing entirely to get it. Figuring out the next step often leads to the question, “What do I do with all this clarity now that I have it?”

Let me tell you…

The simple answer is “Do something.” Don’t just sit around basking in the glow of finally knowing what it is you want, or what your life purpose is. You have to actually do something to make your clear vision a reality.

The first logical step for most people, me included, would be to create a plan. I love planning. I can create a thousand plans, and my office has bins full of half-baked ideas (as in half-finished, not half crazy – just to be clear on that) to prove it. And there’s nothing wrong with creating a plan, because now that you have the end result (you know, that thing you’ve finally gotten clear on), it should be really easy to figure out the steps you need to take to achieve it. Right?

Well, as a good friend pointed out to me yesterday … Just because you make a plan, there’s no guarantee you’ll get to the goal you were intending. Besides, sooner or later, you actually have to stop planning what steps you’ll take and do something. Are you seeing a pattern here?

Taking Baby Steps

The first action you can take is to break your plan down into baby steps. It’s important to keep the momentum flowing once you have a vision and a plan to achieve it. Make sure you can do something every single day that moves you one step closer to completing your goal.

One tip I’ve found useful is to make your actions so specific they can only be answered with a yes or no. You want to be able to say “Yes, I did” when someone asks if you completed your goal for that day.

You should also make that goal something that is achievable by you and not dependent on the actions of another person. Ultimately, you can only control your own actions so instead of saying I will have $500 in sales today – which relies on other people giving you money in order to reach that goal – you could say “I will write and post five articles that talk about my new product/book/program and schedule them on my blog.” That way you control the outcome because it’s on you to get the writing done, and if someone asks you did you meet your goal for the day it’s very easy to say “Yes, I did,” or “No, I didn’t”.

Writing It All Down

A second action you can , and should, take is to write everything down. I know I sound like a broken record because it seems like I’m forever telling you to write things down, but keeping a journal around your goal and your actions really does help. It not only gives you a record of what you’ve done each day, it also harnesses your clarity by keeping you focused on your goal.

With a journal you can easily see if you’re staying focused and on track, or if you are wandering off in a different direction. Staying clear about what you want becomes less of an issue when you are keeping of track of where you are at each point in the journey.

Keeping it Positive!

It’s easy to get down on yourself if things aren’t going quite the way you want them to. Sometimes we get off track, and sometimes the rest of our life gets in the way of achieving our goals. Your journal will come in handy when this happens because you’ll be able to see where you took the wrong turn and what steps you’ll need to get back to clarity again.

When this happens, keep your attitude positive. One of the best actions you can take to harness your new-found clarity is to develop a positive mindset. There’s nothing wrong with taking a wrong turn. It may be that you’ve found something on this new road that will make your vision that much stronger, and will increase your clarity even more.

At least you’ve done something. You’ve made a decision, taken the step, and if you need to turn around and go in a different direction, so what. As Thomas Edison said “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

You haven’t failed either. You’ve taken action, and if it doesn’t bring the results you were expecting, that’s no reason to get down on yourself. Simply take another action and see what results you get from that one. It’s one of the best ways you can make use of your clarity.

When it comes right down to it, harnessing clarity is a choice. You can take your clarity and do nothing with it, or you can use it as a focus for how you want to live your life. Most people tend to choose to do nothing. They call it freedom when they wake up in the morning without a plan or direction and just take what the day gives them.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard came from a Jennifer Longmore teleseminar. She said that you should always make sure you have a plan for your day before you get out of bed, otherwise the people in your life will make your plans for you.

When you choose to harness your clarity, you do have a plan for your day before you get out of bed. You’ll know exactly what needs to be done to get you closer to achieving your goals.

What will you do to harness your clarity today?

Photo Credit © Federico Donatini | Dreamstime.com

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It’s an unfortunate fact that when we lack self-confidence the byproduct is that we’re often afraid to be ourselves. We train ourselves to hide our own uniqueness so that we fit in to the mold that others have created for us. It’s a shame because it really means that we don’t like ourselves enough to show the world who we really are.

The good news is that as with most things in life, this too is circular in nature, and what goes around always comes around again. So as you start to build or re-build your confidence you are more willing to let your true self out to play. And the more you let your uniqueness show, the more self-confident you become.

Why is Being Unique So Important?

In a nutshell, it’s important that we be ourselves because we were born for a specific purpose. And the more we deny that purpose and try to hide from it, the more unhappy and unhealthy we will be. Abraham Maslow said it best, I think:

“If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.”

It’s very hard to be happy when you don’t feel comfortable being yourself.

When you’re being your unique self, you’ll find that you have more opportunities to help others and truly create lasting change in the world. People will be more apt to pay attention to the things you say and do if you are not so busy trying to make yourself become a part of the woodwork.

To put it simply, when you are being yourself you are living your purpose. You can’t live your purpose and pretend to be someone else at the same time. It just doesn’t work.

Finally, as a result of all the increased happiness and attention you get from being yourself, you also become more self-confident. Yes it takes some getting used to, but what I have found in the process of reclaiming my own self-confidence is that when I accept those pieces that make me the lovable weirdo that I am, it feels like coming home.

The circle comes into effect again because the more I feel at home in my own body, mind, and spirit, the more I stop trying to be someone else. And the more I start acting and being myself, the more confident I become and the more willing I am to put my uniquely weird self out there even more.

It all becomes quite fun. You smile more. Your health improves (at least this is my personal experience. Do Not take it as medical advice). You get more opportunities to do things that are uniquely suited to your life vision because you are aware of what that vision is!

“But what if I’m not ready yet?”

That’s a common question, and one I asked for over ten years while I was busy trying to hide away from the world. To be honest, there is no easy answer. You just have to jump in and start living your life because if you don’t other people will define you – and that is not a fun place to be in.

So with that in mind, here are a few baby steps you can start with to make flaunting what you’ve got a little easier.

First, become self-aware. Know your strengths and weaknesses and what makes you unique. Only when you know what makes you the original piece of work that you are can you truly flaunt it.

Second, stop worrying about what other people think of you. Olin Miller sums this up quite nicely:

“We probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do.”

That pretty much takes care of using what others think of us as an excuse to hide ourselves.

Finally, speak confidently and don’t discount your opinions, especially when you are asked for them. You are being asked because someone is interested in what you have to say. Speak up, and never apologize for being who you are.

Your own style, made up as it is of what you wear, what music you listen to, what books you read and countless other pieces is part of what makes you the unique person you are today. You should never have to apologize or feel less than you are for being yourself.

These may seem like big steps to take, and I understand being afraid to take them because I’ve been there. You can do this, even if you have to practice by taking one small step at a time. Even if no one else notices but you, it’s still a step toward claiming your own confidence and identity.

Once you get used to being yourself, you will be amazed by how much easier it is than always trying to fit in by being someone else. And remember…

“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

(Photo Credit: Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

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In sticking with our theme of becoming more self-aware, one thing we need to talk about is vision. Specifically, what do you want your life to look like?

As you become more aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and your self-inventory becomes more focused, you’ll find yourself developing a vision of what you want your life to look like. This vision is important to living your best life because, to quote the Toby Keith song, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might end up somewhere else.”

If you’re ready to create a vision of your ideal life, keep reading for a three-step plan that will ensure you end up exactly where you intend.

Write out your vision.

Am I sounding like a broken record yet? Even if I am, I’m not taking it back. Writing down your vision of what you want your life to look like is one of the best ways I know to get clarity on it.

Here’s why…

As you write out your vision for the various parts of your life you are able to see better how each piece fits into the whole puzzle. For example, you probably have visions around your finances, your relationships, your career, your spirituality, and your home just to name a few.

What happens if your visions for the different parts of your life are in conflict with each other?

For example, one of the things I’d really like to do is travel. I also have a burning passion to create a rescue shelter for big black dogs. Not being home for large stretches of time is definitely in conflict with running a shelter for dogs that need my time, love, and attention. I will need to find a way to mesh these two pieces of my vision so that I can still travel even when I have a ranch full of big dogs needing my time, love, and attention.

Writing out the vision helps me to wee where things already fit well, and also what areas might need a little more attention to bring them to reality.

Visualize your vision.

Once you have your vision written down, the next step in the plan is to visualize it. Sure, you’ve been visualizing as you’ve been writing but this is where you really step up your game and take the creation of your life vision to the next level.

There are a number of ways you can do this, but the three I like best are:

1. Read your vision to yourself every day. Out loud and with all the emotion you can muster works best. If you find yourself in situations where reading out loud is impossible, then by all means read it silently but still put as much emotion into the reading as you can. This gets your creative energy flowing and puts it out to the Universe that you are serious about what you want to create and achieve.
2. Meditate on your vision and the feelings that living your ideal life bring out in you.
3. Make a vision board on which to store the images of your ideal life. You can cut pictures out of magazines and make a traditional vision board, or you can save pictures online in a slide show and use them as a screen saver. Personally, I do both.
4. If you’re inclined to share, you can also set up a vision board on Pinterest and let the whole world in on what your vision for your life is.

Don’t be afraid to make changes.

Your life vision doesn’t have to be something that is created and set in stone. It can be as fluid and alive as you are – and it should be just that!

Your life will change as a result of people moving in and out, new opportunities presenting themselves, and as you grow as a person. All of these events will also cause your vision to change over time. Always be open to changes and allow enough flexibility in your plan to incorporate all the good things that are headed your way.

Why Creating a Life Vision is Important

At the beginning of this article I said that creating a vision of your ideal life is important because it makes sure you get to where you want to be. It’s also important for another reason – it allows you to be as much in control of your life as possible.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that if you don’t set a plan for your own life, someone else will and their vision for your life will rarely be the same as what you would want for yourself. Isn’t it better to be as in control of your own destiny as you possibly can be?

Taking the time to set out your own vision and working to bring it to fruition ensures that you are focused both on building your self-awareness and becoming really clear on exactly what it is that you want to achieve in your life.

Are you ready to get started?

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How well do you really know yourself? You might be surprised when you sit down and try to answer that question. Many times we think we know ourselves and what we want out of life, but when it comes right down to it our vision of ourselves is based on past experiences. What we need instead is to develop a sense of who we are right now.

What is Self-Awareness?

Being self-aware is a little like keeping a running inventory in your mind. Sure you need to know who you are as a whole person, but you also want to be aware of your strengths, weaknesses, and habits. You’ll also want to know what you like and what you dislike, and what does and what doesn’t motivate you. Your core values, those unwritten rules you live your life by, also need to be a part of your self-awareness inventory.

Above all, being self-aware means that you are able to live your life with self-confidence. You know who you are, what you want out of life and what you believe in. Because of this you’re able to live life to the fullest each and every moment.

Taking Your Self-Awareness Inventory

In order to become more self-aware, you need to know exactly who you are in this moment. These six tips will get you started on building your self-awareness and really learning who you are right now.

1. Figure out what your strong points are.

Then go to work on listing the weakest ones too. Chances are, if you’re like the majority of people, you have a tendency to focus on what you don’t do well. Instead, start getting to know yourself by recognizing what it is that you do well.

“Too many people overvalue what they are not, and undervalue what they are.”
~ Malcolm Forbes

Yes, it’s important to know your weaknesses too so that you know what areas need work. But don’t sell your talents and your strengths short.

2. Take an inventory of your habits.

You know you have them, whether you want to admit it or not. We all do and recognizing what they are and how they affect you on a daily basis is a great way of getting to know yourself.

Do you smoke? Are you a nail-biter? Are you always on time or chronically late?

Again, make a list of all your good habits. Then make another list of what you would consider your bad habits. You’ll be surprised at what these lists can reveal about you.

The great thing is that bad habits are able to be changed. But you can’t make the changes unless you have enough self-awareness to recognize them in the first place.

3. Make a list of the things you like and dislike.

This is the easy one. Knowing what you like and what you don’t like is a very basic form of self-awareness. But have you ever taken the time to write it all down and admit that there are just some things that you’d really rather not spend your time doing? You may find that you spend a lot of time doing things you’d rather not because you don’t want to let other people down. That’s okay, but you also want to make sure that you spend time doing the things that speak to your heart too, now that you’re more aware of what they are.

Having them written down on a list that stares you in the face works well too. It’s a lot harder to ignore your likes when they’re in plain view.

4. Know what motivates you.

Knowing what motivates you is an important part of becoming more self-aware. It’s no secret that in order to live life to the fullest, we have to be able to motivate ourselves.

“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.”
~ Wayne Dyer

These words of wisdom from Dr. Wayne Dyer sum up the importance of knowing what motivates you. It’s always your choice, but you need to know what it is that you’re working toward and why you’re willing to do the work.

5. Write down your core values.

Core values are the building blocks of how you live your life. You may live according to religious or spiritual laws, or by an unwritten set of rules handed down from your parents and grandparents.

However you received them, these rules inform how you live your life, what’s important to you, and what defines your morals and ethics. You may not even think about them. A lot of the time, we don’t really think about our core values. They are such an integral part of how we live that we adhere to them without really thinking about it.

When you understand what your core values are, you are taking a big step in building up your self-awareness.

6. Decide what is relevant to your life right now.

This may seem like an easy decision but it’s not as simple as it looks. So much of what we think we know about ourselves is based on past versions of ourselves. One of the things that Geneen Roth writes about in the book “Women, Food and God” is that many of our ideas about who we are – our self-awareness – comes from outdated versions of ourselves. We make decisions based on fears of things that have happened in the past instead of on what is happening in our lives right now.

The best thing you can do to build up awareness of who you are right now is to go back through each list that you made from tips one through five and ask yourself, “Is this relevant to my life right now?”

7. Consider asking for honest feedback.

I say consider asking for feedback from people you trust, but only do this if you’re comfortable with hearing things you’d maybe rather not. After all, you are building your own self-awareness and just by definition that’s something that doesn’t really take into account other people’s opinions of you.

However, sometimes someone close to you can see patterns and habits that you might not be aware of. You can always add them to your list and either accept or reject their insights as you see fit.

Here’s an example of what I mean:

I’m always miserable on Mondays. It’s actually one of the reasons I stopped writing issues of The Acorn Stash on Monday because I was just to agitated and miserable and it was starting to show in my writing.

I was talking to a friend about it and she remarked that I’m always really “testy” at the beginning of the week and then about Wednesday I start to perk up and by Friday I’m ready to work all weekend. Then the weekend comes and on Monday I’m miserable to be around again.

I’m not too bad today. (You’re getting this on Tuesday but I’m writing it on Monday evening.) Because what my friend asked me made a lot of sense. Her question to me was “Do you eat a lot of junk food on the weekend?”

I try to eat clean all week, but I’ll admit that I tend to fall off that wagon on the weekends. I sleep late, and eat a lot of fast food just because we’re usually out running around and it’s easier than coming home to cook. So this weekend I made a conscious decision not to eat any take-out or junk food, and behold… a much happier and healthier Lena this Monday.

If my friend hadn’t offered that insight, it might have taken me ages to figure out that my poor weekend eating habits were responsible for my unproductive Mondays (and sometimes Tuesdays).

Self-Awareness and Self-Confidence

There are many ways you can go about building your self-awareness. These tips only scratch the surface of what it means and the effect it can have on your life.

Building up your self-awareness also builds your self-confidence. You gain clarity about who you are and what you believe in, and this can only help as you live your life to the fullest.

Always remember:

“We are each gifted in a unique and important way. It is our privilege and our adventure to discover our own special light.”
~ Mary Dunbar

I wish you much success in building your self-awareness and discovering your own special light.

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A common theme between myself and my friends this year has been getting clear on what we want to achieve. It’s been a hard slog over the last couple of months to really define goals and get absolutely clear and focused on what the priorities for this year are. At least, it has been for me, because I’m a good one at wanting the whole pie, not just a slice of it. Gaining a clear idea of exactly what I’m meant to be doing has been a lot of hard work, but it’s also been fun because when the light bulb goes on it’s a beautiful site. It’s like one of those scenes from a movie where the fog lifts and before your eyes is the most beautiful site you’ve ever seen.

Now that I have a clear sense of purpose and at least a vague idea of what to do about it, it seems the proper thing to do to share how I got there. So if you’re feeling even half as unclear about things as I was a couple of months ago, here are seven action steps you can take to get you closer to being in the clear.

1. Visit your archives.

Okay, so my inner historian wants to be heard this morning. What I mean by visiting your archives is to take a trip back into your memories and find the times where everything appeared to be a little clearer than it is right now. Discover what you were doing at the time that made things flow a little smoother, where you seemed to be on track and absolutely clear about what you were doing. You may surprise yourself by finding patterns of thought and behaviors that you’d forgotten about.

Here’s an example from my own experience:

Much of my life until I moved to where I am now was centered around music. I pretty much learned to read music before I learned to read words, and could often be found in front of the piano. Sometimes I’d play, sometimes I’d just let my fingers wander over the keys. Just being in the same room with a piano brings out all sorts of clarity and creativity in me. Once I realized this I went out and bought a couple of books of old jazz standards and started making time to play the piano every day. For me the clarity that comes from sitting at the piano was something that I had forgotten about.

2. Write everything down.

And I do mean everything. Goals, dreams, thoughts, and feelings will all play a role in helping you get clear. Using a journal is an amazing tool for getting clear on what you want and, more importantly, why you want it. You’ll be able to see the patterns as they happen, and you will start seeing things in a different light once they are down on paper.

Another example: I am currently reading The Writing Diet by Julia Cameron. In my previous attempts at using a food journal it was a really clinical process. I’d record what I ate and when, how much I exercised, and what my blood glucose levels were before and after. No thoughts, no emotions, just numbers.

I’m only about halfway through the book, but already my journaling has changed and I’m seeing patterns and beliefs around food that I’d never realized before. In only a few days since I’ve been reading, I’m a lot more clear on why I eat the way I do, and what needs to happen to change that so I can really lose weight this year.

3. Read what you write.

This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised at the number of people I know who write in their journals and never go back to reflect on what they’ve written. They treat it like a brain dump … and literally dump out the thoughts and feelings without ever stopping long enough to wonder why they felt that way.

When you really get “in the zone” while you’re journaling, you may find that you don’t consciously know what you’re writing. In essence it really is a brain dump because you’re just letting the words flow without stopping to think about them or edit them. You may surprise yourself with what shows up on the page after one of these sessions. Especially if you’ve gone into it asking for clarity.

4. Visualize what you want.

I’ll admit, I have a hard time with this one. I’ve never been very good at visualizing but for people who can do it, it pays amazing results.

When you can see and feel what it’s like to have the end result already, you can gain a real sense of clarity about what steps you need to take next to make the vision a reality.

5. Focus on one thing at a time.

One of my biggest obstacles to clarity was lack of focus. Makes sense doesn’t it. It took me a long time (years, if we’re being really honest here) to realize that by trying to focus on several things at once and thinking I could do all of them, I was unable to get clear about even one.

So how did I decide what to focus on? For me, I got clear through journaling. I did a lot of writing, meditating, and writing out what came through in the meditations. I asked for clarity and prioritized all my projects and business plans and then went with what felt right in my heart. What I learned when it comes to focusing is to trust your intuition. That little niggling feeling in your core really does know a thing or two about what’s best for you.

If that doesn’t work, you can always go for Step 6….

6. Pick a goal, any goal.

Most people have a lot of goals they want to accomplish. Personally, my goal list covers about three pages, and that’s just for this year!

If you have several things you want to accomplish, just pick one and get started. Your starting point doesn’t have to be perfect, you just have to start somewhere.

The words of Les Brown come to mind here: “You don’t have to be great to get started, but you have to get started to be great.”

7. Take responsibility for your action (or inaction).

When you get right down to it, how much clarity you have is something that is one-hundred percent in your control. You can either do the work to get clear, or not. The choice, and therefore the control, is yours.

If you are willing to do the work to get clear, I can tell you that having that clarity and focus around your purpose is a wonderful thing. Your life flows more smoothly, and opportunities and experiences that you never saw coming will appear on your doorstep.

Finally, say a big thank you to your friends when they urge you to get clear on what you really want. You may have to be dragged kicking and screaming into the idea of being clear and focused, but once you get there you’ll wonder why you waited so long!

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There’s a line in the movie “Something To Talk About” where Julia Roberts’ character says something about women are bred to keep their expectations low. Whenever I think about myself and my own self esteem that line always comes to mind. Yes, I like to watch cheesy movies, but that statement as always resonated with me because I think there are a lot of people who are conditioned to keep their expectations low. It’s like always settling for second place because you don’t have enough belief in yourself to go for the win.

It’s a pretty daunting challenge now to realize that I don’t have to settle for anything less than the best that life has to offer, and that I can be more, do more, and have more than I ever allowed myself to believe. I have to say, I’ve come a long way from the days when my mother told me I’d better marry the first guy who asked, because it would likely be the only offer I’d ever get. But that, as we like to say, is a story for another day (or an acorn from another tree, if you’d like).

So, what can you do to raise your own expectations for yourself, and how does that affect your self esteem? Here are five ideas for you to ponder.

1. Learn Something New

This is an easy place to start raising your expectations and your self-esteem. You can learn something as big or as small as you want to begin with. You could learn a new style of cooking. You could learn how to dance. You could go really big and learn how to fly a plane. The sky is your limit, literally! Regardless of what you decided to learn, making that decision to expand your knowledge and then taking action to actually do it will go a long way to boosting your self-esteem. And when you succeed in this, you will also come to expect that you’ll succeed at the next new thing you try too.

2. Dare Yourself To Do Something

How many times did you do something on a dare when you were younger? When was the last time you accepted a dare?

Personally I can’t remember the last time… oh wait a minute, someone dared me to share a post on Facebook the other day, and I did it! Not a very big challenge, I’ll admit, but it felt pretty darn good. Other than that, I’m a pretty tame person. I don’t do challenges, and I sure don’t do dares on a regular basis. But there are days when it’s good to challenge yourself. To dare yourself to take just one more step, to believe for just one more minute that you can do more than you did in the minute before. When you challenge yourself and complete that challenge, you will also find that your sense of self-worth grows too.

3. Spend Some Time Outdoors

When I say spend some time outdoors, I don’t mean reading a book in the garden, or lounging by the pool. I mean really get out there and challenge yourself to do something big. Learn to rock climb, hike a trail you’ve never done before, learn to canoe, even go camping for the first time. There’s nothing like Mother Nature for challenging you to accomplish things you’ve never even dreamed you could do. And I can tell you from experience, when you do, you will feel like there’s nothing you can’t handle, no challenge too tough for you. Your self-esteem will soar and you will know that you can do more than you’ve ever let yourself believe before.

4. Step Outside Your Comfort Zone

Raising your expectations and your self-esteem is all about moving outside your comfort zone. It’s not always fun, and it’s pretty much guaranteed to be hard work when you move beyond the safe zone that you’ve set for yourself. But here’s the thing … the more you move beyond your comfort zone, the more your comfort zone expands. It moves in relation to you and your willingness to grow and take the risk to try something new. You will grow and you will grow stronger in your self-belief just by pushing that boundary back even a little.

5. Do Things You Never Believed You Could

When you suffer from low self-esteem, there are a lot of things you don’t think you can do. When you commit to yourself, expecting more of yourself becomes the norm and you will find yourself trying and achieving things you never believed you could. Your self-esteem will continue to grow, and you will continue to try new thing, and you will find that it is a self-propelling circle of growth. And even if you experience failures along the way, it will be so much easier to bounce back now because you know you can do whatever you set out to do.

It’s All About Moving the Boundary Line

When it comes right down to it, raising your expectations is all about moving the boundary lines of where you are comfortable. You can’t experience growth without at least a few growing pains, and I’m not going to sit here and lie to you and tell you it’s all easy. It can be scary — I know this because I’m doing it all right along with you — but I have faith in you, and I know that you can do it if you really want to.

There’s a popular quote attributed to Henry Ford that says “If you think you can, or think you can’t, you are right.” Raising your expectations puts you squarely in the “think you can” camp. Belief in yourself is an amazing thing, and as you continue to move beyond your boundaries, your self-belief can only grow, right along with your self-esteem. Those low expectations will be a thing of the past!

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When your self-esteem is at a healthy level, everything seems to flow so much more smoothly in your life. You are happier, healthier, and more able to live life to the full potential you were meant to. But so many people don’t live up to their full potential because they don’t believe they are worthy of success, happiness and even love.

When you don’t believe in yourself, and your self esteem is in the gutter, it’s really hard to see just how you could be worthy of love, happiness, or success. After all, who can love you when you can’t even love yourself.

I know it’s hard to change the belief that you are not worthy. Especially if you’ve been in a relationship where there was emotional or physical abuse. It’s hard to believe in yourself when the person who was supposed to love, cherish and protect instead spent their time breaking you down and destroying your self esteem. It took me over ten years to recover to the point where I wanted to even try to go out and face the world. Writing an article like this to tell you about it would have been unthinkable before now.

Fortunately there are ways to overcome low self esteem — ones that won’t turn you into a hermit like me. Here are five ways you can boost your self esteem and start believing in yourself again.

1. Learn to say thank you.

One of the hardest things to do when you have low self esteem is to accept a compliment. Since you have this ingrained belief that you are ugly, stupid, unlovable or whatever you’ve been told is the reason you’re unworthy of love and success, it’s almost impossible to believe that there are still people out there who will see through all that and tell you how beautiful you are, inside and out.

Learning to say thank you and just accept the compliment instead of trying to explain why someone is wrong about you is one of the best things you can do to boost your self esteem. While it may be hard at first to accept a compliment at face value, it does get easier the more often it happens.

Knowing that there are people out there who do see the good in you is an incredible boost to your self-esteem. The more you smile and say thank you, the more you start to believe it for yourself and the stronger your own self-confidence becomes. Before you know it, you will be accepting compliments like a pro.

2. Accept Yourself and Your Uniqueness

It’s easy to compare yourself to others and find yourself lacking when you suffer from low self-esteem. There’s always someone who is prettier than you, smarter than you, richer than you.

In order to break this habit, remember that you are your own unique person, and you have qualities and strengths that no one else has. Focusing on your strengths and what makes you unique will go a long way toward improving your self-esteem.

3. Affirm your uniqueness.

It’s not enough to just say that you are unique. It’s believing it in the very heart of your being that makes the difference. Using affirmations to remind yourself that you are unique and worthy of love, happiness, and success is a good way to build up your self esteem. The more you tell yourself you are worthy, the more you being to believe it.

Affirmations are great because they belong totally in the present moment. The instant you say “I AM worthy” you ARE worthy. Even if it’s only for that moment, and you go back to thinking you’re not in the next … that one moment is enough to get you started on the way to improving your view of yourself. The more moments you can string together where you affirm and believe in your own self worth, the stronger your self-esteem becomes.

4. Avoid negative people as if they were the plague.

Really, negative people and negative energy ARE a plague on your self esteem. Do not let other people steal your dreams or make you feel bad for following your heart just because they are too afraid to follow their own.

If you can, avoid them at all costs. Sometimes it’s the people who are closest to you who do the most damage because they think they are helping. If you can’t avoid them do your best to limit your exposure and don’t share your goals and dreams with them.

5. Get professional help if you need to.

There are times when our self-esteem has taken such a beating that the only way we can get it back is with professional help. If you can afford it, a life coach is an excellent option to help you see that you are worthy and give you the tools you need to start believing in yourself again.

If hiring a coach is out of your budget range, you can find excellent books and online programs that can help you boost your self-esteem and start living up to your full potential.

Knowing you are worthy of all the good things life has to offer is an important part of being able to live your life to the fullest potential. Yes, it may take some work to get your self-esteem back up to the healthy levels you want, but the results are well worth it.

You can do anything you put your mind to, as long as you believe you can do it. Improving your self-esteem gives you that belief and the ability to achieve!

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