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Happiness, a Healthy Mind, and Your Self-Confidence

August 14, 2012 By Lena 2 Comments

I don’t know whether it’s the heat of summer, or something to do with my various ailments, but lately I’ve been questioning my own mental health. There’s nothing quite like an attack of the brain farts to make you wonder just how intelligent you really are. And believe me, feeling like you’re the most stupid being on the face of the earth can really do a number on your self-confidence.

So in an effort to cure myself of the brain freezes (or “Ruthieisms” as my son likes to call my moments of sheer idiocy) and the resulting blows to my already fragile confidence, I went looking for ideas on how to improve my own mental health. What I found is that there is a direct relationship between happiness, mental health, and self-confidence. And the more I think about it, the more I think you really can’t have an abundance of one without affecting the other.

Seven Tips For Boosting Your Mental Health and Confidence

1. Live your life

There’s nothing quite like not living to sap your confidence and your mental strength. Decide what you want to do with your life and then go out and do it!

Dreaming about what you’d like your life to look like is a good start, but you’ll never get any further than that unless you woman (or man) up and take some action to achieve them.

2. Stay away from negative people

We’ve talked about negative people and how they can sap your confidence before, but it bears repeating because they can also affect your mental health just as much as your confidence. So just in case this is your first time here, stay away from negative people!

You won’t be able to change a negative person into a positive one, and you shouldn’t really try. It’s not up to us to change other people, only ourselves. So as much as you may love someone, if they are being negative toward you or your dreams, you really should try to limit your exposure to them.

Anyone or anything that causes you to doubt your dreams or your ability to achieve is a threat to both your mental health and your self-confidence. (Tweet This)

3. Pay attention to things like diet, exercise, and sleep

How we care for our bodies really does affect the health of our minds, so make sure you eat right, get regular exercise, and get enough sleep.

There is a growing body of research that shows the links between your physical shape and your mental health, so take care of your body and you’ll not only be taking care of your mind, you’ll be boosting your confidence too because you’ll look and feel so much better.

4. Create your own happiness.

This is one thing you have to do for yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness, just as I am responsible for my own happiness. (A fact I can conveniently forget when someone else messes with my plans!)

Seriously though, both your confidence and your mental health suffer when you’re not happy. Figure out what makes you happy, and then go do it.

5. Find a hobby that makes you happy.

You don’t know how much having a hobby or a passion that you love to spend time doing means to your confidence or your state of mind until it gets taken from you.

All my life I’ve played the piano. My dad was a piano teacher and I started when I was about three years old. It was my solace, my comfort, and my security blanket all through my teenage years. I knew I could get through anything with Bach, Beethoven and the boys. And then my abusive ex sold my piano. I was devastated, and didn’t have my one hobby that I’d kept up all my life to help me through the rough times. Which, in retrospect, was his whole purpose.

Anyways, to make a long story short, the first thing I did when I got back on my feet again was buy a new piano. Once I started playing again, I started to feel more like my old self — happier and more confident just because I was able to spend a part of each day doing something I love.

6. Whatever you do, do it to the best of your abilities.

Regardless of whether you’re working at a job, for yourself, or on a hobby that you love always put your heart and your best effort into it. There’s something to be said for being able to feel proud of your work.

If you put in a half-baked effort, you get half-baked feelings of fulfillment back from it because you know in your heart that you didn’t do your best. I don’t know about you, but the guilt from doing only half an effort eats at me so badly that I get no enjoyment at all if I’m only going through the motions. And we all know what guilt can do to our mental health.

It’s got to be all or nothing, done with generous amounts of heart and soul for me to really get enjoyment out of it. “Play big or get out of the game” is my new motto, and it works great for creating happiness and building self-confidence.

7. Develop a support system

Last, but certainly not least, surround yourself with a support network of people you love, and who love you back. We humans are social beings and we were not meant to go through life alone.

Just having a friend who will listen to you when you’re feeling down or overwhelmed can do more for your mental health than all the psychiatrists in the world put together. (Of course, if you think you’re suffering from depression or other mental illness please, please, please, seek professional help.)

Having a strong, emotionally supportive network is your safety net for when the going gets tough. (Tweet this)

I can tell you from my own experience of being isolated for years, that if I would have had a strong and supportive network of family and friends, things would have been a lot different. In fact, I can credit most of the healing I’ve done in the past year directly to a supportive network of women I’ve never met in person. They have done more for my health — mental and physical — and self-confidence that I will ever be able to thank them for.

Happiness, your state of mind and your confidence are all connected, and having all three can lead to living life to your fullest potential. Stay cool, exercise your mind, and use these tips when you need a little boost.

Thanks for being here!

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Finding Your Confidence in the Little Things

August 14, 2012 By Lena Leave a Comment

building self-confidenceWhen we think about building our self-confidence, it often seems like a huge task. If you’ve been beaten down so often that you have no sense of self left, trying to get it back can be a task that’s the equivalent of riding the entire Tour de France on a tricycle.

It’s better to pick your battles and find your courage — and your confidence — in the little things. As you’ve no doubt heard before, there’s nothing wrong with baby steps, because with each baby step you take, you find a little more of the confidence you’re looking for.

So what are some of these little things you can do to get your confidence back?

1. Change something about your looks.

When we get stuck in a rut, sometimes we can’t see ourselves in a different light, because we changed how we look in years. Keeping the same appearance is a big safety net, because it’s comfortable and familiar, even when you don’t necessarily like it.

Gather up your courage and go get your hair cut, or try a new shirt in a colour you’ve never worn before. I can tell you from my own experience that this works wonders for both your self-esteem and your self-confidence.

When I first decided I was ready to rebuild my life I did two things, both at the urging of my then-teenaged son. I cut my hair, and I bought some bright coloured clothes. For the five years before that I’d let my hair grow to halfway down my back, and it was a mess (to put it politely). The look didn’t suit me — long hair never had but I let myself be talked into growing it out — and I’d worn pretty much nothing but black t-shirts and sweatpants the whole time. So my son signed me up for golf lessons as a Mother’s Day gift, then dared me to go and get my hair cut and buy some new clothes… and I was not to come home with anything black! I couldn’t believe the difference. When they say that getting your hair cut is an easy way to lose ten pounds, they’re not kidding. I not only felt ten pounds lighter physically, but I also felt about a hundred pounds lighter emotionally and confident enough to take on the world.

You don’t have to do a complete makeover to transform the way you feel about yourself. Just one little thing like a haircut or a new shirt can make all the difference you need to start moving forward with your life again.

2. Practice using positive body language.

This is a little thing that seems like a pretty big thing when your confidence is on vacation. Body language is a great indicator of confidence, and if you’re lacking it you most likely tend to stay hunched over, eyes down, trying desperately to fade into the background.

Stop that!

Instead, try one little thing each time you go out and interact with people.

Start with learning how to look someone in the eye. This requires you to stand up straight and hold your head up, so automatically you’ll look a little more confident even if you don’t feel it.
It takes some courage to do this if you’re not used to it, but each time you do raise up your head and make eye contact you build more confidence for the next time out.

The other thing that goes along with unconfident body language is an unconfident voice. Have you ever noticed how people with low self-esteem tend to talk really quietly and mumble?

Once you’ve mastered the art of making eye contact, add speaking clearly and confidently to your repertoire as well. I won’t lie and tell you that you’ll be able to do it overnight. It will take some practice if you’re not used it, but I know that you can do it. Just as I know you will feel so much more confident each time you’re able to make small talk or carry on a conversation in a social setting.

3. Stand up for yourself.

This should probably be number one on the list because building up your self-confidence and self-esteem is ALL about being able to stand up for yourself. However, I put it down here because it’s something that you may have to work up to. It’s another little thing that’s really a big thing when you do it.

Here’s the thing… Most of the people I know (myself included) who battle with low self-confidence weren’t always like this. We were confident people, with jobs, lives, relationships, etc. that we knew how to deal with. And then we gave our power away to the wrong person. We let someone else tell us what we should wear, how we should look, even what we should think in some cases and in doing so we stopped standing up for ourselves!

So being willing to make a stand, and say “This is what I believe in, this is who I am” is a really big deal and something that takes a lot of courage. And it may take you awhile to get to that step, and you may have to start small. Even something as seemingly insignificant as saying “I don’t want fish for dinner” can be your first little step at standing up for yourself if you’ve not done it in awhile.

It takes courage to build your confidence and self-esteem up when you’ve lost them. Taking baby steps like changing how you look, using different body language and learning to stick up for yourself will help you grow more confident and stronger as a person. You will be well on your way, moving forward to reclaim the life you were meant to live!

Photo Credit: © Glanum | Dreamstime.com
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Growing Your Self-Confidence One Step at a Time

August 14, 2012 By Lena 6 Comments

building self-confidence“Take the first step, and your mind will mobilize all its forces to your aid. But the first essential is that you begin. Once the battle is startled, all that is within and without you will come to your assistance.” ~ Robert Collier

What does self-confidence mean to you? Is it the difference between just merely existing day-to-day or living the life you love? Does having low self-confidence mean that you spend more time worrying about what others thing of you, instead of how to get done what you need to do in order to have that dream life you want?

You do know that self-confidence can be learned right? No one is born with a “self-confidence gene” that I know of. (I’m sure some scientist will correct me if I’m wrong here.) What we are born with is a sense that everything is right in our world, and unfortunately it is that sense that gets eroded over time as we learn that things a) don’t always go our way, and b) others will work to undermine us in order to shore up their own confidence.

So if your confidence has taken a beating lately, what are you doing to grow it back?

Make your confidence a priority.

As someone who struggled with low self-confidence for most of my life, I can tell you that this is the most important thing you can do for yourself. No one else can do it for you, and you may find that others will feel threatened by your new self. But don’t let them stop you. You deserve to have that sense of self-worth and self-confidence, and no one else has the right to take that from you.

Here are a few ideas to get you started on the path to growing your self-confidence again:

Do at least one thing per day to build your confidence.

Find ways to incorporate building your confidence into everything you do — phone calls, connections on social media, going a little beyond the boundaries of the familiar can all help. This also helps you be more engaged not only with the people around you, but most importantly, with yourself!

Talk to yourself about your confidence.

Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself, “I am a confident woman!” You are worth every bit of confidence and success you desire to have. But… until you believe this yourself, you will have trouble getting it and keeping it.

See yourself as the confident woman you are.

Use visualization techniques to see yourself confident and handling situations that would normally leave you feeling nervous and scared. Focus on what it will feel like to be that confident person you know you can be.

Keep a confidence journal.

Write down at least one thing you did every day that made you feel more confident. Keep track of your successes to remind yourself that you are already confident and that every time you act with confidence you are growing that feeling even more.

Get involved in social media.

Okay … I can hear you thinking “she’s lost her mind” but hear me out for a minute. Social media sites can be a great starting point for growing your self-confidence because you can take small steps without having any face-to-face contact. So for the extremely shy and/or introverted person, using a site like Facebook can be a real confidence booster as you learn or re-learn how to interact with people.

I’ll tell you my story about social media and confidence another day. For now, if you want to connect with me, you can do so here: Lena’s Facebook Page

This may seem like a lot to think about, so I’ll leave you with one final tip.

Don’t be afraid to take a step back when you need to.

Sometimes stepping beyond the borders of the familiar can be overwhelming, so when you need alone time don’t hesitate to take it.

Being self-confident isn’t going to make you an extrovert if you’re not already one, and it doesn’t mean you have to immerse yourself in new situations every minute of the day. In fact, you need to take time out to care for yourself – because I’m betting you don’t do enough of that now — and to reflect on what you’ve already accomplished!

So… are you ready to take that first step?

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Make a Great First Impression and Boost Your Self-Confidence

August 13, 2012 By Lena Leave a Comment

Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

When it comes to meeting new people, your self-confidence can really take a beating. Just last week I had to go out and meet a prospective new client, and let me tell you, I was terrified! I was so sick to my stomach I couldn’t eat my breakfast; the whole way to the meeting I was worried about what I looked like and making a fool out of myself. Even though I know my stuff, and I know I’m good at what I do, every single time I walk out the door I’m the least confident person I know!

So how do I get over it?

Well… sometimes it’s easy, sometimes not so easy. Sometimes it really takes me a while to get used to being around someone new. But since you asked, here are a few things I do to get me through a meeting with new people while keeping my self-confidence reasonably intact.

1. Smile and make eye contact

Facial expressions can make or break you. One of the best ways to make a good first impression is to make eye contact and smile — really smile. Make sure it reaches your eyes, and that the person you are meeting knows you are genuinely happy to be there.

2. Have an opening line ready.

Since I’m not a big talker, opening a conversation is really hard for me. I try to have a couple of opening lines prepared before I ever get to a meeting. Even something as simple as “It’s a pleasure to meet you,” can go a long way toward breaking the ice (and leave me shaking in my shoes).

The fact is your ability to communicate in those first few minutes is crucial. Whether you stand there unable to find the words you need, or you’re a chatterbug who goes on about the first thing that pops into your head — either way you’re not making a good first impression. You need your first conversation to be memorable, but positively so!

3. Dress your best.

Unless you’re walking the red carpet, you don’t need to be dressed in the latest designer fashions, but you do need to look clean and well put together. That means plan your wardrobe, make sure your clothes are clean and pressed, and you’ve taken care of your personal grooming habits.

You can use your clothes to play up your personal best features as well, in order to boost your confidence and make a good impression. If you’ve got great blue eyes, wear something that brings them out. When you know you look good you can’t help but feel more confident, and people will remember that.

4. Watch your mood.

The energy you give off, and the mood you bring to the meeting can play a big role in how people remember you. If you need to be serious, be serious. If you can get away with a joke or two, by all means go for it but don’t play the class clown. Above all, don’t give off the energy like you’re so uncomfortable you’d rather be anywhere else but where you are.

Your mood shows your personality, and can either help or hinder your confidence levels and what kind of impression you make.

5. Make an effort.

I know it’s hard, especially when your confidence is taking a break, but do make the effort to get to know someone. Show interest in them, and try to find some common ground. This applies to meeting new clients, or just getting to know someone at a social event. Establishing a connection is important, and if you can find that common thread and build a conversation around it you’ll not only make a good impression, you’ll find your confidence coming back to you as well.

6. Ask yourself, “What do I want people to remember about me?”

The more I think about it, the more I think this should be #1 on the list. If you know what you want people to take away from meeting you, you will be able to tailor your mood, your body language, your appearance, and your words in order to effect the outcome you intend for the meeting.

It’s a fact of life that there will always be situations where you have to meet new people. Use these tips as a checklist before you head out the door, and you’ll be well on your way to feeling confident about your ability to make a good first impression.

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5 Rules for Building Self-Confidence

August 13, 2012 By Lena Leave a Comment

rules for building self-confidence

If you’re anything like me, when the word “rules” gets mentioned, it’s time to run the other way. So I’m going to ask you to bear with me here, and if you really have an issue with the “R” word then think of these more as guidelines for building self-confidence instead.

I know that it’s entirely possible that you are struggling with doubts that hold you back from reaching your dreams and your potential. You may be a little timid in situations that present obstacles to your success because your self-confidence isn’t quite where it should be.

The rules/guidelines I’m going to share with you today can help you boost your confidence so that you will feel confident in any situation, roadblock or no roadblock.

Self-Confidence Rule #1

Remember that you were created for a purpose and you’re the only one that can do what you were put here to do!

Each one of us has a lot to offer the world, and you are no exception. All you need is to discover the passion inside of you and agree to leave your comfort zone in favor of a life filled with joy.

Self-Confidence Rule #2

Get to know yourself better. It’s much easier to be confident in yourself when you know who you are!

One big obstacle that holds you back from living the life you deserve is a lack of knowledge of who you are. Sit down with a pen and paper, and ask yourself these questions:

  • What would you dare to attempt if you knew it was impossible for you to fail?
  • What are your dreams? What did you dream about doing and becoming as a child? What have you always wanted to attempt?
  • What are your talents? What do your friends and family say you’re good at? What abilities have you received compliments on?
  • What are you excited about in your life right now? What’s great about your life?
  • What parts of your life do you wish to improve? What steps can you take to improve those areas? Whose help could you enlist?

When you begin to get clear on who you are, what’s important to you, and where you’re headed, you’ll begin to feel empowered and in control of your destiny. This confidence seeps into every area of your life. Allow your passions to fuel your confidence and stir you to action that will move you forward in the direction of your dreams.

Self-Confidence Rule #3

Act confident even when you’re not. The more you pretend …umm practice… the more confident you will become.

You may have heard of this one already, as it’s commonly known as the “fake it ’til you make it” rule. One of the quickest ways to gain confidence is to pretend you’re confident already. It may seem silly at first, but if you begin to move your body and speak like you would if you were confident, you’ll quickly gain self-confidence.

If you’re not sure how to do this, do some people-watching and look for confident people. Ask yourself these questions while you’re checking out the human scenery:

  • How fast does a confident person speak?
  • At what volume does she speak?
  • How does she gesture with her hands?
  • How fast does she walk?
  • How does she move her body?

Pretend you’re confident by moving your body in confident ways. Your motions will follow the movement of your body.

Self-Confidence Rule #4

Find a confidence mentor. Who do you know that’s already confident? Ask them to help you be more confident too.

Confidence breeds success. As you accomplish the things you set out to achieve, your confidence in your abilities will grow. You can experience this increasing confidence by trial and error. Or, you can shorten the learning curve dramatically through a mentor.

Search out the person who’s the best at what you’re trying to accomplish. Approach that person and ask them to show you the ropes. Ask them to show you how they arrived at their success and how they maintain it. With a mentor, your chances of success increase dramatically, thereby strengthening your confidence.

Self-Confidence Rule #5

Believe in yourself. Trust yourself enough to know you have the ability to go for your dreams and achieve them!

Confidence in yourself and your abilities is within your reach. Starting today, you can begin to feel the ease that comes from faith in your own abilities and talents. By following these rules, you can take seemingly small steps that lead to a giant reward. Increase your confidence and begin to experience the successful life you deserve.

That wasn’t so bad was it? If these are rules you can live with, let me know in the comments section.. I’d love to hear how they work for you!

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Building Self-Confidence Through Meditation

August 12, 2012 By Lena Leave a Comment

meditating to build self-confidenceBuilding self-confidence takes a variety of tools, so that when you’re working on it you address both the inner and outer parts of yourself. One tool that often gets overlooked is meditation. Because of the tendency to see meditation as a spiritual tool, or even just as a stress reliever it’s value in boosting self-confidence often goes unnoticed.

Let’s change that thought right now. The truth is that meditation can be used to strengthen any emotion or skill.

When you meditate, you bring a great amount of awareness into your mind. In the moment of meditation you hold the power to decide exactly what your life is all about. The past and the future melt away, and all that’s left is you. So when you actively decide to boost your confidence, you will!

Three Steps To Bringing Confidence Into Your Awareness

1. Bring Past Feelings Into The Present

The first thing you should do is recognize what confidence feels like to you. Take a moment to recall different times in your life that you felt especially confident. How exactly did you feel?

For example, maybe you remember a time when you entered a sports competition. You trained hard and you believed in yourself. How did you feel when you were standing on the start line?

Now, imagine that you now have to lead a group of people at work. You’re feeling a little scared about it because all of the details are not falling into place as you’d like. Meditate on the feelings of confidence.

Bring the positive emotions from past successes into your present and approach your problem with those positive feelings instead.

2. Visualize Your Future

In order to strengthen your meditation skills to encourage greater confidence, it may help to picture future circumstances turning out in your favor. When you sit down to meditate, be very detailed in your visions. Use the confident feelings you know you have and place them into the situations you’re envisioning.

This is a good activity to try if you feel that negative emotions are overtaking you. However, for the most part you should be concentrating on the present moment and taking life one breath at a time.

3. Stay In The Moment

Sometimes when you’re overwhelmed with problems you will feel negative emotions, instead of the confidence you need to overcome challenges. This is when it’s especially important to stay in the now.

When you meditate on each breath and focus on the present moment, you’ll realize how very simple life is among the complexity. You’ll be able to calm down. With a calm head you can then reach for the confidence you seek.

Meditation Basics to Remember

· Find a place where you can be alone with your thoughts.
· Sit in an upright position with good posture.
· Fight the urge to take a nap or go to bed.
· Take deep inhales and long exhales.
· Pause in between breaths.
· Repeat a mantra or affirmation to yourself as you breathe in and out. An example of something simple to repeat to yourself is “I am confident”.

Meditate Often

Meditation is an art that takes practice. Just like anything else, when you practice often you’ll get better at it. You should use the art of meditation for more than just an emergency confidence booster.

Plan to make meditation a part of your every day routine!

The more you practice, the easier it will be for you to reach your meditative state. You will also find that the more you meditate, the more you will see which forms of meditation work best for you. Understanding and confidence will become part of your life and you’ll feel a greater power within.

It’s easy to talk and read about meditation, but it’s quite another experience to do it.

In theory it sounds like such an easy and delightful practice. The truth is that you’re likely to get bored at first and you’ll probably make excuses about whether or not you really have the time for it. Strive to remain disciplined and keep up with your practice. When you do, you’ll experience a true inner peace and confidence like never before.

Photo Credit: © Christophe Baudot | Dreamstime.com

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