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4 Easy Ways To Take The First Step Beyond Your Comfort Zone

May 14, 2013 By Lena Leave a Comment

four ways to move beyond your comfort zoneWhen it comes to moving beyond your comfort zone, it’s not always easy to know what to do first. Let’s face it, it’s a scary proposition to move away from what you are comfortable with into something new. But, when it’s time to change you know it. There’s that restless feeling of knowing that something is missing or that something needs to change, but you’re not sure what it is. From my own experience, it can be really overwhelming when you’re trying to move forward but aren’t sure what the next step is.

The good news is that moving outside your comfort zone doesn’t have to be a frustrating or scary experience. My Dad always used to tell me a few nerves are good for you when you’re doing something new, but I’m not so sure I agree. So, in the spirit of helping you take the next step with as little fear and anxiety as possible here are my four favorite – well, 3 favorite and one not so much – ways to figure out the next step in pushing out the boundary of your comfort zone.

1. Be grateful

I love gratitude! It’s the cure-all feeling that makes everything better, especially when I’m feeling nervous or worried about something.

Take today, for example. I am sitting here re-writing this (since I accidentally deleted it yesterday) while waiting for the safety check on my new SUV to be done. And to calm my nerves I think about all the things I’m already grateful for. Just as an example, right at this minute I am grateful…

For my friends who gave me the new vehicle when they knew I needed one;
For the sunshine;
For being able to sit and enjoy the fresh air at the bus stop this morning;
For being able to write this article for you;
For you being here to read it;
For my faith that the Universe will take care of me and make sure that my SUV passes all its inspections easily and cheaply.

And that’s just for starters!

When you stop and think about all the things you are already grateful for, you open yourself up to receive even more goodness in your life. Putting gratitude into the context of a move outside your comfort zone means that you should express your gratitude not only for the experiences you’ve had and the things you’ve done, but also for the new opportunities and experiences to come. And, just in case you can’t think of anything, here’s a great list of 48 things to be grateful for to get you started.

2. Get creative

My second favorite way to nudge myself into a new direction is to get creative. There’s something about the creative process that frees you up to really let your intuition work. And really, if you’re not sure what step to take next, you could do a lot worse than listen to your intuition.

For me, it’s usually writing in my journals or on my blogs that does the trick. Sometimes it’s playing the piano and really pounding out some Mozart or Beethoven that creates those Ah ha moments that show the next step so clearly I wonder how I didn’t see it before.

It doesn’t matter what your creative passion is, as long as you do something. Writing and music are mine, but for my Mom and my Grandmother both it was baking and knitting. Tapping into your creativity really allows you to let your subconscious free to focus on the bigger issues at hand. While you are consciously doing something you love, your subconscious mind is wandering in the background.

3. Read a book

Reading is another of my favorite ways to figure out what the next step should be. For as long as I can remember I’ve lost myself in books, and used them to figure out my life, what to learn, and what steps to take next.

Whether you enjoy fiction or non-fiction, and I read a lot of both, you can always learn something from what you are reading. I’ve always believed that each book we read has a message just for us and there’s a reason we choose the books we do when we do. For years, I wouldn’t buy a book unless it literally jumped off the shelf at me in the store.

4. Talk to people

Okay, so you probably guessed that this is my least favorite way to figure out my next step. As an introvert, talking to people really pushes me beyond my own comfort zone but I’m working on it.

Talking to others, especially people who are outside our immediate circle of close friends and family can really open you up to new experiences and opportunities. At the very least, it will definitely expose you to new ideas and ways of thinking that you might never have considered otherwise.

Taking the first step beyond your comfort zone doesn’t have to be hard, scary or frustrating. The great thing I find about using these easy ways to get started is that if you find yourself going in the wrong direction, it’s easy enough to step back and pick a different direction. The most important thing is that you keep moving toward the growth that comes from pushing your boundaries.

“Anything you to do to stretch yourself out of your comfort zone will ultimately enable you to take larger risks and grow.” ~ Leslie Evans

What’s your favorite way to start moving beyond your comfort zone? Share your thoughts in the comments…

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How’s That Comfort Zone Working For You?

May 6, 2013 By Lena 14 Comments

hows that comfort zone working for you

I’ve been hearing a lot about comfort zones lately, which and that’s usually a sign that it’s something I need to pay attention to.

Actually, if I’m really honest with myself, I know I need to pay attention to taking that next step beyond my own comfort zone. Paying attention to the patterns in my life and in my work, I’ve noticed that there’s a definite block when it comes to moving to the next level. I work on something – be it a site, a project, or a book – until I hit the limit of where I’m comfortable, and then I move on to the next project. Stretching boundaries, moving into the unknown makes me distinctly uncomfortable, and so I just don’t do it. It’s easier to start another project than it is to accept the growing pains that come with taking the next step.

Sound familiar?

We all have a comfort zone of some sort where we are, well, comfortable with what we know we can do. Whether you call it working within your limits, being in your “happy place”, or something else,  it’s all about staying safe and letting the fear of the unknown build a barrier between you as you are now and your best self.

How’s that working for you?

Accepting the boundaries of your comfort zone and working within them, can have negative effects that you may not even realize. It’s when you know there’s something wrong, that life hasn’t turned out quite the way you wanted and you’ve settled for the safe instead of going for your dreams. One day you wake up, and you’re fifty years old, and you haven’t done nearly half of what you thought you’d do with your life.

The good news is that it’s not too late to take steps to move outside your comfort zone. If I can do it, I’m willing to bet you can do it too!

Here are a few tips that might help you to take that first step to move outside your comfort zone:

Know your limits

There are some who would say that you should know your limits and live within them. That might be fine when you’re talking budget, but when you’re talking about living your best life you need to know your limits so you can go beyond them.

Think of your comfort zone and those limits as a mental wall keeping you from what’s on the other side. When you know where the wall is, you can start to plan how to get past it. Whether you go over, around, or through makes no difference. Once you’ve gone past it, there’s no going back. You’ve pushed the boundaries of your comfort zone out to the next wall.

Some rules are made to be broken

This is especially true if those rules are self-imposed in order to keep you stuck in your comfort zone.

Breaking a few of those rules can be a great way to move beyond the barriers. Once you acknowledge that you are willing to be open to new opportunities and experiences, you will find that they are all around you. Even if you’re not far enough out of your comfort zone to actively seek out new opportunities, just the willingness to have an open mind will start to bring them to you.

Is it fear or is there a real risk?

Is there a real risk in what you want to do? Or is it just fear of the unknown that’s holding you back from making the next move?

It’s important to learn the difference between risk and fear so that you don’t let fear hold you back from moving beyond your comfort zone and living your best life.

Use challenges to move your barriers

Have you noticed how popular challenges are these days? There are blogging challenges, video challenges, fitness challenges and all other manner of challenges lasting 30, 60, and even 100 days or more. People love challenges because they are an easy way to start moving the boundaries of your comfort zone.

Challenges help push you because a) there is a time limit; and b) you’re not alone. You have the support of every other person doing the challenge and going through the same thing you are.

The truth is, without some kind of support network most of us will stay in our comfort zones.

I was very lucky when I started pushing my boundaries. I had the support of a great friend, and a whole community of women. Yes, I had to do the work to meet the challenges, and yes there were many times I didn’t make it the whole length of the challenge. But, what I learned even if I only lasted a few days was that I could do the tasks, and once I did it once, it wasn’t nearly as scary the next time.

Moving beyond your comfort zone is as much a mental exercise as a physical one. Not only are you trying new things and breaking down walls, but you are facing the fears that kept those walls in place for so long. There’s really no need to settle for second best when with a few baby steps in a different direction, you could be living your best life.

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The Art of Bouncing Back: Five Keys to Getting Up and Moving Forward After a Challenge

August 13, 2012 By Lena Leave a Comment

bounce back from adversity“I don’t measure a man’s success by how high he climbs but by how high he bounces when he hits bottom.” ~ George S. Patton

Everyone faces ups and downs in their life. That’s just the way it goes. The important thing is how we handle the challenges and obstacles that are put in our path.

As the Japanese proverb goes, “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” That sums up what I like to call “the art of bouncing back.” Because when it comes right down to it, it’s your ability to bounce back that determines how you live your life. You can either wallow in misery and self-pity and let your challenges keep you down, or you can get right back up again and move forward.

Staying down is easy. It’s the getting back up, being resilient and determined to succeed in the face of obstacles that’s the hard road to take. So to make it a little easier, here are five things to think about when you’re ready to get up and move forward.

1. Be your own first responder.

In times of crisis, when the need is severe enough, we call for help. For example, you don’t think twice when you have a medical emergency about calling for paramedics or the ambulance to take you to a hospital. If your house is on fire, you call the fire department. These trained professionals are there to provide the first response to your problem, and to help you take care of it in the best possible way.

But when life throws you a curve ball that doesn’t fit neatly into a category where there’s a need for a trained first responder, what do you do?

Do you pretend there’s nothing wrong and hope the problem will go away? Or do you immediately take action to address the situation and find a solution?

When you practice the art of bouncing back, you become your own first responder. Instead of staying down, you get up, define the issue, figure out your options, and start planning the best way to deal with it. Because you know how to bounce back, you don’t let any challenge become a major crisis, nor do you let yourself get stressed out over it.

2. Learn from past challenges.

When it comes to challenges you’ve faced in the past there was, no doubt, a lesson to be learned. Did you learn it? Or do you try to bury your past challenges in a place where you’ll never have to think about them again?

The second key to the art of bouncing back is to learn from your past challenges and remember what you learned so that it can be used again should the need arise. I’m not saying you should dwell on the mistakes of your past — that is a sure way to misery — but do focus on the positive lessons that came out of them. Focusing on the positive allows you to realize that in handling a challenge you developed new skills as well as the confidence to use them.

3. Practice every day.

When I was learning how to play the piano, it was important to practice every day so that I could develop my skills. It’s the same with becoming more resilient. The more you practice bouncing back the easier it becomes. It’s a learned skill, just like any other and the “use it or lose it” principle applies here too.

So let me ask you this…

Do you do something that strengthens your ability to bounce back every day? Or do you brood and wallow and feel sorry for yourself that things aren’t going your way?

When you are practicing the art of bouncing back, do one positive thing every single day. It could be as simple as going for a walk, or finishing a project that’s been hanging around. You could call a friend you haven’t talked to in a long time, or you could declutter a closet.

Do something each day that ties in with your life purpose. When you are focused on your purpose and actively living it, you’ll notice that you’re more inclined to get right back up after a setback and keep on going because you’ve got goals to reach and a mission to accomplish.

4. Identify your support system.

When you are facing challenges, it’s important to not try and go it alone. We all need support even if it’s just someone to vent to when you’re having a bad day.

Bouncing back is much easier when you have built up a support system of people you can visit with, call and talk to, or lean on when the going gets rough. It’s much harder to bounce back easily when you’re trying to deal with everything on your own.

If you don’t have a support network, start building one today. Set a goal to make at least one new friend in the coming weeks, and take advantage of any support systems your community offers when you need them.

5. Take care of Number One. (That’s you, in case you were wondering.)

Taking care of yourself is the best thing you can do to help you become more resilient. So many times we tend to put our own needs last because we’ve been taught that it’s selfish to think of ourselves first.

Unfortunately we learn the hard way that this is not the case. It’s not until crisis hits and we’re not able to bounce back because we’re worn out and run down from taking care of everyone else that we learn the most important lesson there is: Making your own health and welfare your number one priority is not selfish, it’s self-preservation. You can’t take care of others until you’ve taken care of yourself. You can’t effectively deal with a crisis when you’re so tired and burned out that you can’t think straight.

Take time out every day to take care of yourself. Even if all you can manage is to lock yourself in your bedroom for five minutes of peace and quiet, do it. And if I seem like I’m pushing hard on this point, it’s because I am. It took a heart attack and various other illnesses to wake me up to the fact that I had to take care of my own needs before I worried about anyone else.

Now I make the time to meditate, to cook proper meals, to go to the gym on a regular basis and it really does work. I’m much more capable of dealing with a crisis without stress, and I’m much more able to bounce back from a challenge now than I ever was before.

If you take nothing else away from this, take that and use it. Please.

There will always be challenges, changes, and other obstacles passing through your life, but when you practice the art of bouncing back, they won’t stick around for long. Use the keys presented here to strengthen your resilience and you’ll be up and moving forward again before you know it!

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Good Things Happen When You Ask For Help

July 24, 2012 By Lena 5 Comments

In a recent article on dealing with negative events, I wrote that “The hardest thing for humans to do, it seems, is ask for help when it’s needed. So often we are taught from a young age that we have to be able to do things on our own.”

Personally, I have a really hard time asking for help, and I’m sure I’ve offended most of my friends more than once by telling them I’ll be fine on my own.

The truth is, none of us are really fine on our own. Having a support network of people you can reach out to is something we all need. No matter how much we like to think we can do it all on our own, we can’t.  As someone who has lived the last several years pretty much alone, with no support network, I can tell you that there were times when I found myself in situations where I know it would have been resolved easily if I’d just had someone I could call.

There are a lot of reasons why we don’t take advantage of a support network when we have it. For me, I didn’t have one because I’d burned a lot of bridges over the years.  Other reasons for not asking for help could be pride or feelings of shame and embarrassment that you got yourself in a jam in the first place. Neither one is a good reason for going it alone when there are people standing by waiting for you to ask for help.

It’s time that we learned that while it’s good to be able to fend for ourselves, it’s more than okay to ask for help when you truly need it. Sometimes it’s a matter of survival. In all cases, just knowing there’s someone out there who can help you out of a jam makes your life that little bit better.

Five Ways Asking For Help Can Improve Your Life

1. Asking for help is an effective way of solving problems.

Sometimes all you need is a quick fix such as milk money until payday, or  a babysitter because yours called in sick. These are issues that are easily solved, and make yours and your family’s lives run more smoothly and stress-free when you are able to call someone and ask for help.

At other times, the help you need may be a little more complicated. Sometimes we need someone to listen, or to take a look at a problem from another perspective. How many times have you heard the phrase, “it just needs a fresh pair of eyes.” When you reach out and ask for that fresh pair of eyes, you can often find the solution to your problem by looking at it from another person’s point of view.

2. When you ask for help, you give others a chance to live their purpose.

What if, by not asking for help, you are denying another person a chance to live their purpose? When you reach out to friends and family during a crisis, you are allowing others to do what they do best by helping you.

If the situation were reversed, and there was someone you know you could help, wouldn’t you want to be the one they called on. You might feel a little slighted that they didn’t turn to you when they knew you could help.

3. Asking for help builds connections and relationships.

Think of a time when you either made a new connection, or strengthened an existing relationship just because you needed help. I have made some amazing friendships over the years, all because when I found myself in tough times and swallowed my pride enough to say I needed help, someone stepped forward and offered assistance.

In the case of an existing relationship, sometimes asking for help lets others see you in a whole new light. They gain understanding about you and what makes you unique, and you also learn more about them and their qualities. Asking for help makes relationships stronger, because each person knows they have someone to count on when the going gets tough.

4. You set a good example for others when you ask for help.

Think about this… If you hadn’t been taught not to ask for help when you were younger, wouldn’t it be easier to ask now?

By asking for help now you are setting a good example for your children that it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.  You’re also setting a good example for your friends and family as well, to show them that you will be there to return the favor when they need help.

5. When you ask for help, you get to show your true character.

Asking for help allows you to show others what you’re really made of. For example, if someone loans you money, when you give it back on payday you will show that you are trustworthy and someone who pays their debts.

When it comes right down to it, we all need a little help sometimes. And we’re certainly entitled to ask for it. By asking for help you acknowledge that you are a part of the human race, and as we all know, man was not created to live alone. After all, even the Beatles needed a little help from their friends. :)

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How Flexible Are You? 8 Ways Being Flexible Can Improve Your Life

July 20, 2012 By Lena 18 Comments

“Nothing is softer or more flexible than water, yet nothing can resist it” ~ Lao Tzu

It’s no fun being so set in your ways that the slightest little thing sends you into a stress-filled panic mode. It sets you up for a very stressful life because you’re always having to defend your actions and thoughts to others, and if you struggle with self-confidence or self-esteem issues, you’ll find yourself wondering more than once “why does this always happen to me?”

If you can train yourself to be more flexible and consider options, you’ll find that many of those stressful moments can be avoided. And even if they can’t be completely avoided, you’ll be able to come up with a “plan B” if you’re willing to compromise a little.

Here are some tips on how being flexible can improve your life, at home and at work.

1. Being flexible saves you time and energy.

While other people getting stressed out over last minute schedule changes, your ability to be flexible will have you checking your schedule to see where you can make changes. When you’re flexible, the reason for the changes doesn’t really matter, you just deal with it and move on.

2. When you’re flexible you expect change, even embrace it.

Instead of being stuck with a rigid schedule, you will be better able to anticipate changes before they even happen. Develop the habit of asking yourself “What changes could come my way today,” and you’ll be less liable to stress out when they actually show up.

3. Being flexible allows you to move forward with less stress.

When you’re flexible it’s much easier to switch gears and move from one task to the next with little stress. Where an inflexible person might get stressed out at leaving one task undone because they were asked to help with a last-minute project, your new-found flexibility will allow you to jump into the new project easily, and just as easily return to your own work when the crisis has passed.

4. You get a reputation of being easy to work with when you’re flexible.

I’ll be honest here… I always had a problem with this one when I worked in an office. I wanted things done my way, and looking back I can see that I probably was pretty hard to work with.

Being flexible gives you the reputation of being the person everyone wants on their team. It’s true that there are few things that will build a positive reputation better than showing people you are able to adapt when the situation warrants it.

5. When you’re flexible you present a much more positive attitude.

Unless you’re a recluse, you will have to deal with other people over the course of your life. Recognizing that change is a given when more than one person is involved, and being able to deal with it positively is a wonderful skill to have. Being flexible hones that skill, and people appreciate it when you are able to handle a change in situation without getting flustered and stressed about it.

6. Being flexible shows that you know how to “go with the flow”.

I saw a saying today from John Crowe that said, “It takes a strong fish to swim against the current, even a dead one can float with it.” Now, you might be wondering what this has to do with being flexible, so here goes…

There are times when standing for what you believe in and going against the current is the right thing to do. There are also times when being flexible and going with the current is the more right thing to do.

For example, if your job is on the line, you might want to show you can be flexible and do what your boss wants whether it’s what you want to do or not. If your boss is at all attentive, s/he will notice that you were willing to do what was asked of you, and this will make an impact whether s/he says anything at all.

The point I’m trying to make here (and you can tell me if I’m succeeding by leaving a comment) is that going with the flow doesn’t always mean you’re a “dead fish.” Sometimes it’s a matter of survival.

John Crowe quote about going with the current

7. Being flexible cures you of perfectionism.

Speaking as a reformed perfectionist, there is nothing that can slow you down faster than having to have everything just so. My first heart attack was directly attributed to stress because everything had to be just so, and I freaked out when the least little thing didn’t go according to my plans.

Learning to be flexible, letting go of the things you can’t change (and here’s a secret — there will ALWAYS be things you can’t change), and being willing to accept that things are what they are will allow you to live a longer, and more happy life.

8. When you embrace flexibility, you are much more calm.

There’s really no need to get freaked out by every little thing that happens during your day. Learning to be flexible allows you to stay calm, and just deal with things as they happen. You’ll stay in a positive mindset, feel more confident in your ability to handle a crisis, and be a lot better off because of it.

Sure, you may have to resort to a mantra or two to get you through it — “It is what it is” and “Rise above it” are two of my favorites — but in the end your mind and your body will thank you for it.

When you allow yourself to be flexible, you reduce your stress and are able to live more happily, and in the moment than if you’re always worrying about things going according to plan.

Practice these tips and you’ll find your blood pressure thanking you while you live a happier, more stress-free life.

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Deal With It! 8 Tips That Can Help When Things Don’t Go Your Way

July 10, 2012 By Lena 6 Comments

Aldous Huxley quote about experienceIt’s a fact of life that things don’t always go the way we want them to. Sometimes the outcome is better than what we planned for, but other times it’s definitely worse. Planning for the worst case scenario is negative thinking at its best, so it is much better to plan for the outcome you want, and learn to deal with it when things don’t exactly happen according to your plans.

The reality is, it’s not so much what happens in life, as how you react to it that determines whether you will become stuck in a negative thought pattern or find yourself able to put it all behind you and move forward.

Here are ten tips you can use when you find yourself in a situation is not going the way you planned.

1. Face up to the fact that things are not going your way.

This is the first step in getting beyond a bad situation. It’s much better to face the facts and deal with them, than it is to stick your head in the sand and hope things will get better. Most times they won’t, so by hiding out and wishing things were different you’re only delaying the inevitable.

2. Realize that you’re not the first person this has happened to.

It’s easy to get caught in a trap of “poor me” when things don’t go your way. Instead, accept that things happen for a reason, and that you’re not the first person to have a situation go bad on them. Not only are you probably not alone in this experience, there’s no doubt someone you know going through things a lot worse than you are right now. Find the positives you can take out of the situation, and start moving forward again.

3. Practice your positive self-talk.

You know you’ve gotten through tough times before. Draw on your past experiences, and practice your positive self-talk to get you through this tough time. You know you have what it takes to get through this, you just need to remind yourself. Do that, and you’ll also give your self-esteem and your self-confidence a boost at the same time.

4. Think about your own actions.

A lot of times when things don’t go our way, we don’t want to accept that we might have had something to do with it. If you stop to think about your role in the situation, the best thing to do is own up to any actions you took that might have contributed to the downfall. Ask yourself questions such as “Did I have any idea this could turn out this way?” or “Could I have stopped this if I’d acted differently?”

Knowing that you could or could not have influenced the outcome plays an important role in how you move forward from this event. If there is someone you need to apologize to, do so, and accept responsibility for your own actions. You’ll learn the intended lesson and make it much easier for both yourself and others to go forward.

5. Reflect on what went wrong.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should dwell on what went wrong to the point that you get stuck and can’t move on. But you should get clear on what happened so you are able to find the lessons, and then move forward. You can use tools such as journaling and meditation to help you gain clarity on the situation so that it doesn’t happen again.

Einstein quote about opportunity

6. Set a new goal for yourself.

After you have had time to reflect on what went wrong and the lessons you’ve learned from it, take time to set a new goal for yourself. If you feel the original goal is still achievable, then make a new plan based on what you now know, and go forward.

If the original goal is not achievable now, then don’t be afraid to set a new goal for yourself and make plans to achieve it. It’s possible that the original goal you set for yourself was only a stepping stone and because that plan is no longer valid, other doors have opened for you that might not have otherwise.

You know that old saying about how the Universe doesn’t close a door without opening a window somewhere else? Keep that in mind and keep your mind and your eyes open for new opportunities where none may have existed before.

7. Ask for help if you need it.

The hardest thing for humans to do, it seems, is ask for help when it’s needed. So often we are taught from a young age that we have to be able to do things on our own.

Guess what? We don’t.

Everyone needs a support network to turn to when the going gets rough. So don’t be afraid to use your family and friends and get the support you need. Sometimes they will have a clearer perspective on what just happened because they are not involved, and can give you suggestions that you wouldn’t have thought of without their help.

Don't look back, you're not going that way.

Image source: ThePowerof Happy

8. Learn to let go.

The worst thing you can do is hold on to something that needs to be let go. Use the seven tips above to help you deal with the situation, and then release it and go forward. I love the saying, “Don’t look behind you; You’re not going that way.” Learn to live that, and you will find that you become more empowered to keep moving on, and living life to the fullest.

You may surprise yourself, and find strength inside that you would never have known existed had everything gone your way the first time around.

How do you deal with the situation when things aren’t going your way? Share your answer in the comments…

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