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Happiness, a Healthy Mind, and Your Self-Confidence

August 14, 2012 By Lena 2 Comments

I don’t know whether it’s the heat of summer, or something to do with my various ailments, but lately I’ve been questioning my own mental health. There’s nothing quite like an attack of the brain farts to make you wonder just how intelligent you really are. And believe me, feeling like you’re the most stupid being on the face of the earth can really do a number on your self-confidence.

So in an effort to cure myself of the brain freezes (or “Ruthieisms” as my son likes to call my moments of sheer idiocy) and the resulting blows to my already fragile confidence, I went looking for ideas on how to improve my own mental health. What I found is that there is a direct relationship between happiness, mental health, and self-confidence. And the more I think about it, the more I think you really can’t have an abundance of one without affecting the other.

Seven Tips For Boosting Your Mental Health and Confidence

1. Live your life

There’s nothing quite like not living to sap your confidence and your mental strength. Decide what you want to do with your life and then go out and do it!

Dreaming about what you’d like your life to look like is a good start, but you’ll never get any further than that unless you woman (or man) up and take some action to achieve them.

2. Stay away from negative people

We’ve talked about negative people and how they can sap your confidence before, but it bears repeating because they can also affect your mental health just as much as your confidence. So just in case this is your first time here, stay away from negative people!

You won’t be able to change a negative person into a positive one, and you shouldn’t really try. It’s not up to us to change other people, only ourselves. So as much as you may love someone, if they are being negative toward you or your dreams, you really should try to limit your exposure to them.

Anyone or anything that causes you to doubt your dreams or your ability to achieve is a threat to both your mental health and your self-confidence. (Tweet This)

3. Pay attention to things like diet, exercise, and sleep

How we care for our bodies really does affect the health of our minds, so make sure you eat right, get regular exercise, and get enough sleep.

There is a growing body of research that shows the links between your physical shape and your mental health, so take care of your body and you’ll not only be taking care of your mind, you’ll be boosting your confidence too because you’ll look and feel so much better.

4. Create your own happiness.

This is one thing you have to do for yourself. You are responsible for your own happiness, just as I am responsible for my own happiness. (A fact I can conveniently forget when someone else messes with my plans!)

Seriously though, both your confidence and your mental health suffer when you’re not happy. Figure out what makes you happy, and then go do it.

5. Find a hobby that makes you happy.

You don’t know how much having a hobby or a passion that you love to spend time doing means to your confidence or your state of mind until it gets taken from you.

All my life I’ve played the piano. My dad was a piano teacher and I started when I was about three years old. It was my solace, my comfort, and my security blanket all through my teenage years. I knew I could get through anything with Bach, Beethoven and the boys. And then my abusive ex sold my piano. I was devastated, and didn’t have my one hobby that I’d kept up all my life to help me through the rough times. Which, in retrospect, was his whole purpose.

Anyways, to make a long story short, the first thing I did when I got back on my feet again was buy a new piano. Once I started playing again, I started to feel more like my old self — happier and more confident just because I was able to spend a part of each day doing something I love.

6. Whatever you do, do it to the best of your abilities.

Regardless of whether you’re working at a job, for yourself, or on a hobby that you love always put your heart and your best effort into it. There’s something to be said for being able to feel proud of your work.

If you put in a half-baked effort, you get half-baked feelings of fulfillment back from it because you know in your heart that you didn’t do your best. I don’t know about you, but the guilt from doing only half an effort eats at me so badly that I get no enjoyment at all if I’m only going through the motions. And we all know what guilt can do to our mental health.

It’s got to be all or nothing, done with generous amounts of heart and soul for me to really get enjoyment out of it. “Play big or get out of the game” is my new motto, and it works great for creating happiness and building self-confidence.

7. Develop a support system

Last, but certainly not least, surround yourself with a support network of people you love, and who love you back. We humans are social beings and we were not meant to go through life alone.

Just having a friend who will listen to you when you’re feeling down or overwhelmed can do more for your mental health than all the psychiatrists in the world put together. (Of course, if you think you’re suffering from depression or other mental illness please, please, please, seek professional help.)

Having a strong, emotionally supportive network is your safety net for when the going gets tough. (Tweet this)

I can tell you from my own experience of being isolated for years, that if I would have had a strong and supportive network of family and friends, things would have been a lot different. In fact, I can credit most of the healing I’ve done in the past year directly to a supportive network of women I’ve never met in person. They have done more for my health — mental and physical — and self-confidence that I will ever be able to thank them for.

Happiness, your state of mind and your confidence are all connected, and having all three can lead to living life to your fullest potential. Stay cool, exercise your mind, and use these tips when you need a little boost.

Thanks for being here!

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Build Your Confidence By Discovering Happiness in Your Life

August 10, 2012 By Lena Leave a Comment

Be happy, Be ConfidentHappiness is a choice. It sounds so simple, and yet it’s true.

You can choose to let your circumstances get you down or you can choose to be happy no matter what challenges life brings.

Happiness is already within each of us and we are born to be naturally happy! For example, have you ever noticed how infectious a baby’s giggle is? So why is it that, as we get older, we forget where to find happiness within ourselves and, instead, allow outside forces to determine our happiness?

Self-confidence is also a choice. Sure it takes some work to build, but you and only you can choose to be confident, or not.

Just as with happiness…

You can choose to let your circumstances sap your confidence or you can choose to be self-confident and face whatever challenges life brings.

You can use these strategies to create happiness in your own life:

Find something you love to do and do it. Do you have a lifelong dream or desire? If so, start working toward it. Taking baby steps towards a dream or goal will help you feel like you’re accomplishing something.

You’ll find drive and determination to reach that goal when it’s something you love to do. And when you love what you’re doing you’ll not only be happier, you’ll be more confident in doing it.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Cliché, I know, however it’s so true. You don’t have to let life’s troubles and problems get you down.

Yes, there will always be troubles because no one is perfect, but you can choose your reaction to situations. Look at the positive side of things and work hard to see the good in people and circumstances.

Every time you choose to react positively to a negative situation, you’re also building up your confidence. Every time you do this, it gets easier and easier because you’ve done it before and you know you can do it now.

Find your purpose and put your talents to use! You have natural gifts and talents to help you achieve your purpose, so use your gifts effectively! One reason so many people are unhappy is that they’re not doing what they’re called to do with their God-given talents. Each and every one of us has a purpose in life.

Think about all the things you have to be thankful for. Often you get so caught up in what’s wrong with your life that you forget to look at what’s right and good. Take a step back and reflect on your life. How far have you come from, say, six months ago?

Make a gratitude journal and write down five things you are grateful for every day. Seeing a list of all you have, and all you have accomplished will fuel your happiness and your confidence at the same time. Because how could you not be happy and confident in yourself when you can see all you have done?

When you’re feeling down, don’t wallow in your sorrows alone; do something about it.

Some days no matter how hard you try, you need a little help to be happy. So when you do feel down, call a friend who you know is positive and cheerful. Talk about your feelings and listen to their advice.

Depression is a real problem, and all too often, people allow themselves to go deeper and deeper into self-pity or depression because they think it has to be that way. The truth is, you don’t have to be sad and you shouldn’t be. You can decide to be happy. You just have to make up your minds to do so.

Using a journal to record your thoughts and feelings can also help when you’re feeling down. Often you’ll find that just getting your feelings down on paper will allow you to work through them, helping you to feel better about yourself and your beautiful life!

If you’ve been prone to look at life negatively, then you’ll have to put some effort into seeing and choosing happiness. But don’t let that stop you from being happy! You, too, can learn to be happy.

Practice the steps above and train your mind to focus intensely on the positives. When you feel a negative thought coming on, or your mind gravitates toward the negative, learn to recognize it, stop it in its tracks, and then start thinking happier thoughts.

As you start to choose happiness, you will find that your self-confidence and self-esteem also being to grow.

Make the conscious choice to be happy today!

Photo Credit: Grafixar/MorgueFile.com

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Six Tips for Creating a Joyful Day

June 15, 2012 By Lena 3 Comments

When you look at Charlie Brown and Snoopy doing their happy dance, it makes it hard to think about not living in joy. Granted, there are always unexpected things happening each and every day; but really… wouldn’t life be boring if everything went according to plan, every single day?

Think of the things that bring you joy that are the result of something unexpected:

  • a butterfly lands on your nose
  • your baby says “Mama” for the first time
  • your dog jumps up to give you a kiss just when you need it most
  • you unexpectedly run into an old friend on the street

If you hadn’t planned for those joyful happenings, and everything went according to plan, think of all the good things in life you would have missed out on!

Now, before you tell me I’m all sugar plum fairies and pie in the sky this morning, I know that there are things to be stressed about. Lost jobs, bills to pay, groceries to buy, kids to outfit for summer camp, sports and whatever else their hearts desire… But we all know that happiness is a choice right? And you can let all the stress and worry of everyday living and let it suck the joy out of you, OR you can make a choice to create a joyful day for yourself in spite of all the negative stuff.

So what’s it gonna be? You gonna do the happy dance, with Charlie, Snoopy and me?

Here are six ways you can create a joyful day for yourself:

1. Start your day off right.

It’s important to have an empowering morning routine that gets your day started on the right foot. Picture your day going smoothly and being filled with joy. Use an affirmation such as “Today is a joyful day for me!” to set the mood before your feet even hit the floor.

2. Stick up for yourself.

When you hit one of those unexpectedly negative events that have the potential to ruin your day, put your strengths to work for you. Only you get to decide what will ruin your day, and if this is something that doesn’t deserve to have power over you, stick up for yourself and don’t give in to it!

Too often we find ourselves at the mercy of other people’s actions defining our days and how we feel, and it’s time to stop. No one can take your joy away without your consent, so don’t let them.

No one can steal my joy - Affirmation

3. Look for something good to focus on.

So you’ve just won your first battle of the day with the “negative nellies”. Now shake off the residue and look for something positive to come at you. This is a good time to remind yourself that the day’s not over yet. You could still get kissed by a butterfly, run into an old friend, hit all the green lights on the way home, or any number of other things all designed to make you smile.

Creating joy in your day comes as much from how you think about things just as much as what those things actually are. So think good thoughts, and good things are bound to show up throughout the rest of the day.

4. Know when to let go.

Sometimes you can create joy in your day by just knowing when to let something go. It could be that just one little glitch is causing all your frustration, and I can tell you from experience when that happens, there is much joy in walking away even for five minutes.

Stay focused on the big picture, and learn not to “sweat the small stuff.” Everything comes back into focus eventually, and you’ll rob yourself of the joy in this day if you let it get you down and keep you there.

5. Find your silver lining.

Every cloud has a silver lining, or so the old saying goes. (And just as an aside, here’s a photo of my Grandfather’s calendar from October 1910 that says so!) So there has to be something positive in that thought right?

If you can find one positive lesson in the frustrating situation you just walked away from, you can create joy in your day from that. You’ve learned something new, and you can file that away for the next time something like this comes up.

6. Treat your life as an adventure.

When you are on the lookout for ways to create joy in your day, life becomes a grand adventure. There’s always something going on, and each challenge or obstacle to your joyful day is a new opportunity for you to build your confidence, empower yourself, and just be happy!

When you shift your mindset from “This can’t be good” to “This could be really good” amazing things happen. If you think of life as an adventure to navigate, then positivity and joy are the keys to opening up all the secret passageways. And you know that secret passageways are where all the good stuff happens in an adventure, right?

However you decide to go about creating joy in your day, always remember that happiness is your choice! You get to decide whether you will let frustration and negative energy get you down, or if you’ll shake it off and do a happy dance.

The power is yours! I hope you’ll come dance with me.

 
Credits: 
Many thanks to Sheryl @ Cultivating Your Feminine Spirit 
for the use of her Peanuts image. :)
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Come On, Get Your Happy On! Nine Ways To Feel Happier Today

May 31, 2012 By Lena 16 Comments

HappinessEveryone gets stuck in a rut sometimes. What happens once you get there is up to you. You can either let it sap all the joy of living out and confidence out of you, or you can pull yourself up by the bootstraps and find a way to get your happy on.

In case you’re not quite sure how to do that, here are a few suggestions:

 

1. Stop wallowing in your problems. Thinking about your problems is a sure way to chase happiness away. If there’s something specific that’s bothering you and causing you to be unhappy, find a way to deal with it. Action always works better than wallowing. And if there’s nothing you can do about it right this minute, then feel free to play Scarlett O’Hara and think about it tomorrow. Set it aside and think about something that does make you happy.

2. Find someone to hang out with. When you’re unhappy, it’s not good to be alone. It’s much too conducive to the aforementioned wallowing. Call up a friend and see if you can spend some time with them. Even if you just get out for coffee, it’s a step closer to feeling happier than sitting all by yourself at home.

3. Do what you love.  A lot of unhappiness stems from having to do work we don’t like very much. So when you have free time, you should be filling it with the things and people you love. Go with the tried and true activities that you enjoy doing. Chances are that you’ll have a smile back on your face in no time.

4. Try something new.  Are you feeling a little blue because you’re bored? Boredom breeds negative energy that can turn to unhappiness in a heartbeat. Why not try a new hobby that you’ve thought about but never got around to.

5. Take a class. Pick a subject that you have interest in and sign up. Learning something new leads to new experiences and opportunities, and the happiness you seek might be just around the corner. You never know until you try!

6. Get some exercise. You can get your happy on just by moving your body. Go for a walk outside, or turn the radio on and dance around your living room. Whatever you decide to do, don’t let your mind tell your body it’s too tired because chances are that as soon as you start moving, you’ll start feeling better.

7. Get out and meet new people. You can find new people to chat with everywhere. You can even do it without leaving your home by finding like-minded people online. Meeting a new friend that you connect well with will certainly improve your mood.

8. Start new adventures. Try something new either by yourself or with your friends. Let your mind go wild with ideas. As you start planning your adventure, you’ll find your happiness meter moving up again as you get caught up in the excitement.

9. Make time for your spiritual side. Sometimes we become unhappy when we’re too rushed and busy. Take a little me time to relax, unwind and meditate. Even if you’re not a religious person, you can contemplate the answers to life’s big questions. When you focus on the big picture, sometimes it allows you to see your challenges and unhappiness in a whole other light.

Next time you’re feeling unhappy and life’s challenges are getting you down, try one of these ideas and see if you can’t get chase the blues away. Because when it comes right down to it, happiness is a choice and the choice is yours! So, to paraphrase that Dierks Bentley song … Come on, come on, Get your happy on!

Photo Credit: © Alexvalent | Dreamstime.com

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Nine Ways To Make Your Day Your Own

October 13, 2011 By Lena 2 Comments

When you practice living life to the fullest, one of the best things you can do is make your day your own. Even if your schedule is dictated by others, or you’re working at something that’s not exactly what you love there are still moments to be had where you can “seize the day” and do something to lift your spirits and the spirits of those around you.

A lot of it has to do with being happy. Making yourself happy has a residual effect that spreads to those around you. You can’t help but smile when you are thinking happy thoughts, and before you know it people are wanting to know what you’re smiling about. Even if you don’t share the thought you can’t help but share the energy … it’s a force unto itself that just flows, and soon everyone around you is smiling too.

So, what can you do to make yourself happy and make your day your own?

Here are nine things to get you started:

1. Make the choice to be happy today. Happiness is a choice. Owning your day is a choice. Seeing the good in your day is a choice. You can choose one of these, or you can choose to be miserable and grumpy. Which would you rather spend your day doing?

2. Live with intention. What do I mean by this? Do you use affirmations or set intentions for your day? And do those affirmations and intentions line up with the goals you have set for yourself? When you live with intention, everything you say and do is a step toward making your dreams and goals become reality. When you know you’re on your way to achieving a lifelong goal, even a baby step can lighten the load and make your day a great one.

3. Recognize how good it feels to be alive. Sometimes we take life for granted and just plod along throughout the day expecting that tomorrow will be there. Take one minute, breathe deep and recognize how great it is to be able to do that. I can tell you from experience, if you’ve ever been in a situation where you can’t breathe, you gain a whole new appreciation for the process and being able to draw a deep breath really does mean you’re alive and the day is yours. Every once in awhile I catch myself taking deep breaths just because I can. :)

4. Make the choice to play today. Whether you toss a ball with your dog, get down on the floor and play with your kids, or just do something child-like such as catch a snowflake on your tongue, letting your inner child out to play is a great way to own your day.

5. Smile a lot. Smiles are contagious, and by smiling at others and sharing your happiness you may lift their spirits too. Even when you’re feeling like your day is out of your control, if you can find enough energy to smile you don’t feel like it you’ll notice that you almost immediately start to feel better. It’s like that saying ‘Happiness is like jam. You can’t spread even a little without getting some on yourself.”

6. Choose to share your love with someone today. So often we keep all our feelings and emotions locked up inside us. (Could be why there’s so much stress and high blood pressure these days.) Tell someone you love them, send a note, or flowers, or surprise them with dinner. You’ll be amazed at how great this will make you both feel.

7. Choose to do a random act of kindness for a stranger today. Giving of yourself is a great way to own your day. When you give unexpectedly without anything in return it gives you a lift as much as the stranger that you are helping.

8. Choose to do something nice for yourself today. Just because you’re you and you deserve it. Go for a walk, treat yourself to a latte, buy yourself flowers. It’s your treat, just for you.

9. Be grateful for the day and all its blessings. ‘Nuff said.

As you can see, making your day your own is really all about choices. So many times we feel like our days are not in our own control but by taking the time to make a choice that leads to happiness for yourself or for someone else, you really do own your day. And at the risk of repeating myself, it’s your choice what you do with it. Why not choose to make it a great one!

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If You’re Happy and You Know It

September 1, 2011 By Lena 14 Comments

… Show Your Gratitude!

be grateful for natureI haven’t been able to get the kid’s song “If You’re Happy and You Know It” out of my head today. But instead of clapping your hands, my words keep coming back to saying thank you. I should’ve maybe changed the title to “If You’re Grateful and You Know It” because that’s really what this article is all about. Showing gratitude.

Happiness and gratitude go hand in hand. You can’t really show or feel gratitude when your unhappy, and you can’t be unhappy when you’re being grateful. Nice circle to be caught in … not a vicious one at all!

I’m probably dating myself, but there’s a line in the Sound of Music song “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” that goes something like “love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay – Love isn’t love ’til you give it away.”

It’s the same with gratitude. As William Arthur Ward said “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Which makes me think that gratitude isn’t really much more than a thought until you give it away.

Unfortunately we live in the age of assumption. So many people think things, but never actually say them out loud. And so we may feel love, or happiness, or gratitude for someone and they won’t have a clue because we never get around to telling them. We either assume they already know, or we assume they will reject our feelings and so we say nothing.

Let your feelings out and tell another person how you feel about them. I can tell you from experience that I absolutely love it when you email me or leave a comment on my blog and tell me you liked something I’ve written. You can’t see my smile online when that happens, but if you show or tell someone in your physical life that you appreciate them you will definitely see their smile.

So how can you show your gratitude?

We already covered telling someone you love them and are grateful they’re in your life. Here are few other ways you can show gratitude…

Write a thank you note to someone who has helped you. People hardly ever write by hand anymore. Taking a minute to send a card with a handwritten message is a great way to show gratitude. I know my insurance lady will be getting one this week for finding me a great deal. :)

Smile at someone on the street or in line at the checkout. It doesn’t cost you anything, and you can show your gratitude and spread a little happiness by smiling at someone when you’re both waiting for a streetlight to change or in line at the store or the bank or the coffee shop.

Give a friend a hug. It’s easy to assume your friends will always be there. Too often we take them for granted, and forget to show them how much we appreciate and love that they are in our lives. Giving a friend a hug is a great way to show your gratitude for their presence in your life.

Head outside and appreciate the sunshine and fresh air. It’s also way too easy to take nature for granted, especially if you live in an area where there is an abundance of open space. But believe me, when you live in an area where you don’t get that or don’t have a way to easily get to it, you really begin to appreciate every moment that you get to spend outside. Show your gratitude for the environment by doing whatever you can to preserve it, and get out there and enjoy it whenever you can.

Volunteer your time. What better way to show your appreciation for everything you have in your life by helping out someone who has less or is going through a tough time. There is so much hardship in the world right now that we should, as human beings, be helping each other through them. Giving even an hour of your time each week is a great way to share your gratitude for all the good things in your life.

When you share your gratitude, you also benefit from it. Being grateful is a core part of the Law of Attraction — what you put out is what you get back. Sharing gratitude and appreciation with others also sends more gratitude and appreciation back to you. And when you feel appreciated you can’t help but also feel happier and more positive about your own life.

So, to paraphrase that wonderful children’s song … If you’re grateful and you know it … Show it!

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