May 19, 2012

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Being Happy and Living Your Passion Just Outside Your Comfort Zone

September 30, 2011 By Lena 2 Comments

Otonabee River in fallThere’s been a lot of talk lately about stretching boundaries and moving beyond your comfort zone. Most of it has to do with moving into areas where you are challenged to do something that is extremely UNcomfortable for you. Makes sense right? Moving outside your comfort zone shouldn’t be really easy, should it?

For me, the uncomfortable challenge is an upcoming branding challenge that I’m going to be participating in next month. The participants have already been warned to expect the unexpected and to be pushed beyond the limits of where we’re comfortable in our businesses.

That got me thinking about the whole notion of comfort zones. I’ve always been of the mindset that growing and moving beyond your boundaries had to be an unpleasant experience. I think it’s that whole “if it doesn’t kill me, it will make me stronger” thing. Like if I can force myself to make this change that I know is going to hurt but is good for me anyways, I will be so much bigger, better, faster, etc. etc. etc. But nowhere in there does it say I will be happy about it.

And quite frankly, that ticks me off. I want to live my passions, and since you’re here I’m assuming you do too. And there’s nothing in any book I’ve ever read that says that you have to be unhappy or uncomfortable. In fact, the whole idea of living your passion is to be happier and more comfortable in your own skin and with your own life.

The more I think about it, the more I think that if you do it in a way that’s right for you, then moving outside your comfort zone can and should be a rewarding, fun, and yes, even a happy experience. There is no reason that doing something new has to be a nail-biting, ulcer-inducing experience unless you want it to be. (Although I will admit that’s kind of how I feel about this upcoming branding challenge.) But that’s how we’ve been conditioned to react to change.

The key word there is REACT. If we were to be PRO-active agents of change in our lives, then making those changes would have to be a much happier experience. Wouldn’t they?

Your Life Passion and Your Comfort Zone

One of the big problems with going outside your comfort zone, at least the way it’s been taught, is that it has to be something really big, really life changing. And really big and really life-changing, by definition is really uncomfortable. Now, I don’t know about you, but to me really uncomfortable doesn’t have anything at all to do with being passionate. In my book, uncomfortable relates to wrong and for me to be passionate about something means it has to feel right to me.

So, the question is how to expand your focus on your life passions and move outside your boundaries at the same time?

The first thing to do is realize and accept that moving beyond the boundaries you are comfortable with can be done in baby steps. You can change your life with baby steps just as easily as you can with huge, life-altering leaps.

I’m a big fan of baby steps. I’ve done the life-altering leap a few times, and it’s never worked out well for me.

So, what kind of baby steps can you take to move outside your comfort zone and into your life passion?

  • You could read a book that you might not have thought about reading before.
  • You could watch a movie that presents a different look at your passions.
  • You could sign up for a class that would give you more insight into your chosen passion.
  • You could get involved with the arts community in your town.
  • You could volunteer at a shelter (for humans or animals) or a hospital or a senior’s home, etc. and share your love and energy with someone whose spirits need lifting.

And if that’s too much for you, you can start with even smaller steps.

  • Go for a walk in your neighbourhood and actually talk to your neighbours.
  • Buy a new item of clothing in a colour you normally wouldn’t consider.
  • Try a new restaurant or a new recipe.

None of these things by themselves is totally earth-shattering or life-changing. But each is an action in itself that you can feel happy about, and each one also pokes a little more at the barrier of your comfort zone. And each time you poke a little by doing something new and fun that makes you happy, you move that barrier back just a little further and these new experiences become part of your comfort zone instead of something beyond it.

The other thing is, that each one of the baby steps you take also fuels your passion even more. So that the more baby steps you take, the more you are living your passion almost without realizing it.

Filed Under: Ezine Issues, Life Passion Tagged With: , , , ,

If You’re Happy and You Know It

September 1, 2011 By Lena 14 Comments

… Show Your Gratitude!

be grateful for natureI haven’t been able to get the kid’s song “If You’re Happy and You Know It” out of my head today. But instead of clapping your hands, my words keep coming back to saying thank you. I should’ve maybe changed the title to “If You’re Grateful and You Know It” because that’s really what this article is all about. Showing gratitude.

Happiness and gratitude go hand in hand. You can’t really show or feel gratitude when your unhappy, and you can’t be unhappy when you’re being grateful. Nice circle to be caught in … not a vicious one at all!

I’m probably dating myself, but there’s a line in the Sound of Music song “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” that goes something like “love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay – Love isn’t love ’til you give it away.”

It’s the same with gratitude. As William Arthur Ward said “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Which makes me think that gratitude isn’t really much more than a thought until you give it away.

Unfortunately we live in the age of assumption. So many people think things, but never actually say them out loud. And so we may feel love, or happiness, or gratitude for someone and they won’t have a clue because we never get around to telling them. We either assume they already know, or we assume they will reject our feelings and so we say nothing.

Let your feelings out and tell another person how you feel about them. I can tell you from experience that I absolutely love it when you email me or leave a comment on my blog and tell me you liked something I’ve written. You can’t see my smile online when that happens, but if you show or tell someone in your physical life that you appreciate them you will definitely see their smile.

So how can you show your gratitude?

We already covered telling someone you love them and are grateful they’re in your life. Here are few other ways you can show gratitude…

Write a thank you note to someone who has helped you. People hardly ever write by hand anymore. Taking a minute to send a card with a handwritten message is a great way to show gratitude. I know my insurance lady will be getting one this week for finding me a great deal. :)

Smile at someone on the street or in line at the checkout. It doesn’t cost you anything, and you can show your gratitude and spread a little happiness by smiling at someone when you’re both waiting for a streetlight to change or in line at the store or the bank or the coffee shop.

Give a friend a hug. It’s easy to assume your friends will always be there. Too often we take them for granted, and forget to show them how much we appreciate and love that they are in our lives. Giving a friend a hug is a great way to show your gratitude for their presence in your life.

Head outside and appreciate the sunshine and fresh air. It’s also way too easy to take nature for granted, especially if you live in an area where there is an abundance of open space. But believe me, when you live in an area where you don’t get that or don’t have a way to easily get to it, you really begin to appreciate every moment that you get to spend outside. Show your gratitude for the environment by doing whatever you can to preserve it, and get out there and enjoy it whenever you can.

Volunteer your time. What better way to show your appreciation for everything you have in your life by helping out someone who has less or is going through a tough time. There is so much hardship in the world right now that we should, as human beings, be helping each other through them. Giving even an hour of your time each week is a great way to share your gratitude for all the good things in your life.

When you share your gratitude, you also benefit from it. Being grateful is a core part of the Law of Attraction — what you put out is what you get back. Sharing gratitude and appreciation with others also sends more gratitude and appreciation back to you. And when you feel appreciated you can’t help but also feel happier and more positive about your own life.

So, to paraphrase that wonderful children’s song … If you’re grateful and you know it … Show it!

Filed Under: Ezine Issues, Gratitude, Happiness Tagged With: , , ,

Thoughts On Choosing To Let Go

August 25, 2011 By Lena 2 Comments

river viewIf I had a dime for every time someone told me to just let it go after my divorce, I’d be a millionaire. It’s been ten years and I’m not sure I’ve let everything go yet. I’m working on it, but learning to let go has been, and continues to to be, a hard lesson for me to grasp.

Choosing to let go of past hurts and resentments is one of the nicest things you can do for yourself. Hanging on to the crap really drags a person down, and can lead to all sorts of disease and depression. The other problem with hanging on to the nasty pieces of your past, harboring feelings of anger, resentment, or guilt is that all this negative stuff takes up so much room in your mind that it’s pretty much impossible to be present in the present. It clouds your judgment and makes it very difficult to see the present moment for the gift that it is. It also makes it very hard to be happy because you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop based on your previous experiences.

So what’s a girl (or guy) to do when it comes to giving the boot to all this stuff?

I’m no expert because, like I mentioned, I’m still working through a lot of my own crap, but here are a few of the things that I’ve noticed about releasing the past and setting it free.

Writing Will Set You Free

This is my favorite way to work through anything, because it’s true — writing really will set you free. There’s something about the link between the brain and the hand with the pen that makes letting everything out easier. One thing I’ve noticed is that when I really get on a roll, my writing gets really messy — as if my hand can’t move fast enough to catch everything the brain is spewing.

You can use a journal for doing the writing, but I find that using a loose page works better. In my mind, a journal is for recording the stuff you want to keep and remember. Since the whole object of letting go is getting rid of the stuff you don’t want to keep, it makes it easier to let go of it if it’s not permanently etched in your book of memories. (There’s also that little historian’s voice in the back of my head that comes from too many hours in dusty old archives reading other people’s journals that says someday someone is going to find this, and they’ll think you were crazy when they read this.)

I use either cheap newsprint notepads or scrap paper to spew on. And after I’ve gotten it all out of my system, I burn it. Some people say to rip the paper to shreds and then throw it in the river to be carried away, but that’s not necessarily environmentally friendly. Either way, the physical release works as the perfect punctuation mark to the mental and emotional release.

Talking About It Helps Too

At least that’s what I’ve been told. And to be fair I’ve known people who have received tremendous help and relief from talking about the things that they need to let go of. But, to be totally up front with you, talking about what’s bugging me is something I am not very good at.

Using a coach or a counselor can offer a safe haven because they are a totally unbiased party. It often works out that they will see the situation from a perspective that you wouldn’t have considered and that can make it easier to release.

Whether you choose to talk to a friend or a professional, it does help to verbalize what you’re holding on to and how you feel about it. The thought is that unless you talk about your past, you never really let it go.

So if you really want to release the past…

Practicing Forgiveness Trumps All

Until you forgive, you can’t really let go. But it’s hard, at least for me. I can hold a grudge with the best, even though I know it’s not in my best interests.

It helps to remember that practicing forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are condoning what the other person did, or that you are even okay with it. Obviously you’re not okay or you would have already let it go and moved on.

Practicing forgiveness means that you have chosen to move on, have let go of the need for retribution, and have found a sense of closure for yourself. It’s the “for yourself” that is the key. it has nothing to do with the other person at all.

Forgiveness is all about you. It’s the ultimate expression of release because when you forgive someone you don’t just release all the pain and anger over what happened, you also loosen the control that the past has over you. And that makes it much easier for you to get on with your life, live in the present moment and be happy.

Filed Under: Ezine Issues, Mindset Tagged With: , ,

Clear as Mud? Five Thoughts on Creating a Positive Attitude

August 22, 2011 By Lena Leave a Comment

playing in mudWhen you choose to be happy,a big part of that is also choosing to have a positive attitude. It’s hard to be happy when you’re always looking at the negative side of life.

It takes work to maintain a positive attitude in today’s society. Outside forces like the media always seem to focus on the negative over the positive. Good news stories that make headlines are few and far between. So if you want to make sure you keep your outlook on life positive, it means that your positivity has to come from within.

Here are a few things that you can do to create and maintain a positive attitude.

1. Get Clear on What You Want

One of the best ways to grab on to your positive attitude is to be focused and committed to your goals and dreams. It’s so much not to be distracted by negativity when you have a clear focus about what you’re trying to do.

My dad was a music teacher, and after explaining anything whether it was a simple phrasing suggestion or a convoluted (to me anyway) piece of theory, he would always ask, “Is that clear?” If you were still confused, he’d explain it again until you could say yes, it’s clear. If you looked particularly confused when he was done talking, his question would be “Clear as mud?”

It took me a long time to really get his choice of words, but I think he had it right. There’s a difference between understanding and “getting it” on a surface level, and being clear in what you know and want. When you’re developing your positive attitude, it’s so much easier if you have a clear focus on where you’re going and what you’re doing than if your focus is “clear as mud.”

2. Get Inspired

Once you have your clarity and focus in place, it’s time to get inspired. Staying positive comes naturally when you are inspired to achieve your goals and dreams. It doesn’t matter where your inspiration comes from — whether it’s from reading a book, watching a movie, listening to music, or watching a sunrise — every artist has their muse, that point of inspiration that just thinking about it motivates them to create great works of art.

Your positive attitude is an integral part of the great work of art you are creating with your life, so it’s important to do whatever you can to find and hang on to your own inspiration.

When you’re searching for inspiration, don’t be afraid to trust your intuition. If you listen to that little voice inside you will know whether you are on the right track or not. When you are on the right track, you can’t help but feel positive and inspired because everything will fall into place just the way it should.

3. Take Action

Sitting around and thinking about what you want to do is a sure way to let the negative thoughts creep in. The more you think about your goals and dreams, the more likely you are to overthink them, and end up not actually doing anything to make them a reality.

Let yourself take a leap of faith, call on your powers of positivity and self-belief to give you that initial push and take action. Because here’s a little secret…

The more positive your attitude, the more positive your results will be. This will in turn lead to an even more positive attitude, which will lead to even more positive results, and so on, and so on… It’s a wonderful circle of positivity that you create by always looking for and taking action on the good things that come your way.

4. Celebrate Your Mistakes

That’s not to say you won’t make mistakes along the way. You will. But if you celebrate your mistakes and look for the lessons in them, you will grow your positive attitude even more.

I know I probably sound like a broken record when I say don’t beat yourself up over your mistakes, but it’s true. Beating yourself up only encourages you to focus on the negative aspects of a mistake, and that’s not conducive to keeping your outlook positive.

Even when mistakes do get you down, the more positive your attitude is, the easier it will be to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move forward again.

5. Hang Out With Positive People

When you need a pick-me-up find some positive people to hang out with. Whether in person, or online having a network of positive people to talk to will encourage you to remain positive. You take on the characteristics of the people you hang around, so if you’re in contact with people who are always positive and inspired, you can’t help but be that way too.

And it works… I was feeling really down about something the other day, and having an awesome little pity party, and one of my good friends just flat out told me it wasn’t allowed. In a two-line email she conveyed enough positive attitude to turn my negative mood around and get me back on track again.

It works both ways too… There are days when you might be feeling on top of the world, and your positive attitude will be able to turn someone else’s day around.

When you have a positive attitude, all things are possible. And exploring those possibilities makes for a very happy life.

Clear as mud?

Photo Credit: http://www.sxc.hu

Filed Under: Ezine Issues, Mindset Tagged With: , , , ,

Things My Mother Taught Me About Finding Inner Peace

August 15, 2011 By Lena 2 Comments

White FlowersIn last week’s article we talked about what sabotages your inner peace. Today the focus is on what you can do to get that inner peace back.

There are several ways to go about finding or reclaiming your sense of inner peace. The funny thing about what I’m sharing with you today is that as I was writing I realized just about everything that was landing on the page was something my mother had said to me more than once. I probably didn’t listen much when she was telling me, or at least I didn’t act on what she was telling me at the time but as I get older I find it amazing the amount of mother’s wisdom that comes back to me when I least expect it.

So here you go … Tips on finding inner peace, the way my mother taught them…

1. Slow down and count to ten.

There’s a reason my mom taught me this. It works. Slowing down your mind when you’re stressed and lacking in any sense of peace by doing something simple as counting to ten really does work as a way to calm yourself down.

Once you’ve got yourself calmed down just that tiny little bit, you can usually hang on to the peaceful feeling long enough to deal with whatever got you riled up in the first place.

2. Go for a walk.

There’s something about walking that will help you find peace no matter how slim the thread is. Whether it’s just the fact that you’re moving and have time to process what you are dealing with and how you are feeling about it, or the soothing nature of being outside, it really does work. Even if you can just get away for five minutes you will feel that sense of calm and peacefulness making its way back into your system.

3. Don’t take everything so personally.

It’s a sad fact that once of the biggest saboteurs of our inner peace is that we allow what other people say to get to us. As a child I had really bad buck teeth, and other kids made fun of me all the time. I had no inner peace because I took all their teasing to heart. That led to a miserable childhood because I took whatever anyone said about me so seriously that I lost my sense of self as well by trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be.

It took me a long time to learn that other people’s opinions of who I am and what I do are just that … their opinions. I still have days where I take things too personally, but most of the time now I am able to maintain my peace by realizing that what other people say reflects their issues, not mine.

4. Find one good thing.

My mom taught me to look for the good in every situation, but she wasn’t very good at doing that herself. By watching her and how she dealt with problems, I found out for myself that by actively looking for something positive to take from a problem or setback, I was much more peaceful inside than I would be if I picked everything apart and focused on what went wrong.

It may be the littlest thing, like a flower peeking up from a crack in the sidewalk, a baby’s smile, or even a butterfly that triggers your inner peace. You’ll know it when it happens because it feels like the world has just shifted, and you just sigh in relief and say thank goodness that’s over.

5. Don’t be a drama queen (or king).

Drama and inner peace do not go hand in hand, despite what Hollywood filmmakers would have you believe. The more you avoid the drama in other people’s lives, and especially in your own, the more peaceful you will be.

There will always be some drama in your life, but how it affects you is totally determined by your reaction to it. If you come at it from a place of peace and serenity, then you will find that you will be able to deal with whatever is happening more calmly than you would if you let the drama of the situation take over.

And if you find yourself getting caught in a situation where your peace is threatened, well…. See point number one again… Slow down, take a deep breath, and count to ten.

Thanks Mom!

Filed Under: Ezine Issues, Inner Peace Tagged With: ,

Living Life Today, Not Someday

August 4, 2011 By Lena Leave a Comment

view from Omemee bike trailThere’s a saying out there that “yesterday is the past, tomorrow is the future, and today is a gift so that’s why they call it the present.”" I used to dismiss it every time I heard it because it sounded kind of cheesy to me, but the older I get the more I realize every day really is a gift. Focusing on the past doesn’t do anything for you because you can’t change what happened back then. And looking toward the future, while a nice idea is just that — an idea — unless you use the gift of today to do something that’s going to get you that life you want “someday.”

The question is … why can’t someday be today?

The truth is someday can be today if we let it. If we stop and think about it, today and all its moments are the building blocks of that future that we say we want. Learning to live in the moment and taking the actions we know we should be taking will start us on the road to living our best life in the now instead of somewhere down the road.

Take One Step Forward

I started reading Gretchen Rubin’s “The Happiness Project” awhile back. And although I haven’t finished it yet, one line right near the first when she is setting out her commandments for happiness really stuck in my mind.

“Do what ought to be done.”

How many times do we put off living and doing what we know we should be doing, in order to goof off and go in a totally different direction where we know darn well that it’s not going to give us the result we’re looking for.

That commandment was like a wake up call for me because I’m great at procrastinating at what ought to be done so that I can read a book, sit down and watch a race, or even just take a day off to wander around outside. Even though the writing, the marketing, and even the laundry doesn’t get done … in that moment it’s more important to me to procrastinate than to do what I know I should be doing. That’s definitely not living my best life.

Since I’ve borrowed Gretchen’s commandment for myself, and have been practicing doing what I know has to be done each day before I get to the book, the race, or the great outdoors I am living better, more things are getting done at the right moments, and I am living a much better life than I was when I was the queen of all procrastinators.

The funny thing is, that once you start taking action and doing those little things you know need to be done, you start seeing yourself as more successful, more deserving of, and able to live your best life. Whether it’s another article published, or just knowing that your favorite shirt is clean when you want to wear it … these are things that a successful person would have and since you now have them, it’s one more way you are living that successful life you want. Little things like this make you feel like you’re living a better life even though the big picture might not have changed much at all.

Grow Your Results

You can then multiply those feelings by using tools such as meditation and visualization to really get your present moment energy flowing. (You knew I was going to fit those in here somewhere didn’t you?)

Let’s start with visualization. When you’re basking in the glow of having done what needs to be done in the moment, see yourself as successful in the future because of the actions you have taken today. Really let yourself feel how successful you are, how your life has changed for the better, and how you are living the life of your dreams right at this minute.

And be proud of yourself for taking the step you know you had to take this day to get to where you ultimately want to be. Then harness the energy and the momentum you create and realize that in doing so you are living your life to the fullest in this moment.

Adding meditation into the mix allows you to slow down and really revel how you are feeling at that moment. That’s because meditation is all about being in the moment and not having to think about the future or the past. When you meditate you have no choice but to see your best life now because you are focused only on this moment. If the past and the future cease to exist while you are in the present, then this is your best life. Use what you see and feel during your meditation to your best advantage.

Enjoy the Journey

Above all, don’t forget to enjoy the journey. Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Life is a journey, not a destination.” Another saying I’ve always been kind of partial to is “Life is what happens when you’re making other plans” (John Lennon).

It doesn’t have to be that way. Plans are good. Goals are good. But living your best life each moment of each day is even better. Because we don’t know which day will be our last, today really is a gift. Accept the gift and live it the best way you know how today.

Filed Under: Ezine Issues, Success Tagged With: , , , , , , , ,
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