When your self-esteem is at a healthy level, everything seems to flow so much more smoothly in your life. You are happier, healthier, and more able to live life to the full potential you were meant to. But so many people don’t live up to their full potential because they don’t believe they are worthy of success, happiness and even love.

When you don’t believe in yourself, and your self esteem is in the gutter, it’s really hard to see just how you could be worthy of love, happiness, or success. After all, who can love you when you can’t even love yourself.

I know it’s hard to change the belief that you are not worthy. Especially if you’ve been in a relationship where there was emotional or physical abuse. It’s hard to believe in yourself when the person who was supposed to love, cherish and protect instead spent their time breaking you down and destroying your self esteem. It took me over ten years to recover to the point where I wanted to even try to go out and face the world. Writing an article like this to tell you about it would have been unthinkable before now.

Fortunately there are ways to overcome low self esteem — ones that won’t turn you into a hermit like me. Here are five ways you can boost your self esteem and start believing in yourself again.

1. Learn to say thank you.

One of the hardest things to do when you have low self esteem is to accept a compliment. Since you have this ingrained belief that you are ugly, stupid, unlovable or whatever you’ve been told is the reason you’re unworthy of love and success, it’s almost impossible to believe that there are still people out there who will see through all that and tell you how beautiful you are, inside and out.

Learning to say thank you and just accept the compliment instead of trying to explain why someone is wrong about you is one of the best things you can do to boost your self esteem. While it may be hard at first to accept a compliment at face value, it does get easier the more often it happens.

Knowing that there are people out there who do see the good in you is an incredible boost to your self-esteem. The more you smile and say thank you, the more you start to believe it for yourself and the stronger your own self-confidence becomes. Before you know it, you will be accepting compliments like a pro.

2. Accept Yourself and Your Uniqueness

It’s easy to compare yourself to others and find yourself lacking when you suffer from low self-esteem. There’s always someone who is prettier than you, smarter than you, richer than you.

In order to break this habit, remember that you are your own unique person, and you have qualities and strengths that no one else has. Focusing on your strengths and what makes you unique will go a long way toward improving your self-esteem.

3. Affirm your uniqueness.

It’s not enough to just say that you are unique. It’s believing it in the very heart of your being that makes the difference. Using affirmations to remind yourself that you are unique and worthy of love, happiness, and success is a good way to build up your self esteem. The more you tell yourself you are worthy, the more you being to believe it.

Affirmations are great because they belong totally in the present moment. The instant you say “I AM worthy” you ARE worthy. Even if it’s only for that moment, and you go back to thinking you’re not in the next … that one moment is enough to get you started on the way to improving your view of yourself. The more moments you can string together where you affirm and believe in your own self worth, the stronger your self-esteem becomes.

4. Avoid negative people as if they were the plague.

Really, negative people and negative energy ARE a plague on your self esteem. Do not let other people steal your dreams or make you feel bad for following your heart just because they are too afraid to follow their own.

If you can, avoid them at all costs. Sometimes it’s the people who are closest to you who do the most damage because they think they are helping. If you can’t avoid them do your best to limit your exposure and don’t share your goals and dreams with them.

5. Get professional help if you need to.

There are times when our self-esteem has taken such a beating that the only way we can get it back is with professional help. If you can afford it, a life coach is an excellent option to help you see that you are worthy and give you the tools you need to start believing in yourself again.

If hiring a coach is out of your budget range, you can find excellent books and online programs that can help you boost your self-esteem and start living up to your full potential.

Knowing you are worthy of all the good things life has to offer is an important part of being able to live your life to the fullest potential. Yes, it may take some work to get your self-esteem back up to the healthy levels you want, but the results are well worth it.

You can do anything you put your mind to, as long as you believe you can do it. Improving your self-esteem gives you that belief and the ability to achieve!

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It’s the beginning of the new year and everyone that I know is either in planning mode, or was more organized than I and has already started to execute their plans for the year. Not me. I have the plan, but somewhere along the way I got sidetracked during the implementation process. But I’m okay with that because for me this year, it’s all about getting healthy and re-learning how to live outside of my office.

Before you start thinking I’ve lost my mind, let me just say that doesn’t mean I don’t have goals and plans for the year. I have a list as long as my right arm of places I’d like to go and things I’d like to do this year and some of them even involve work! More importantly though, it means that instead of focusing one hundred percent on business this year, I’m leaving time to live in the moment and explore all the opportunities that come my way through unexpected doors and windows.

Here are five reasons why I’m doing this, and why you should too.

1. Life is too darn short to live anywhere else.

It’s probably not politically correct to say, but I’m not getting any younger, and neither are you. Each day only comes once, and what you make of it is up to you. If you spend it all focused on the future it’s just too easy to let the opportunities that lie right in front of you go past without even recognizing them for what they are.

How many doors have you passed by that might have led to awesome experiences because you were too focused on either the past or the future to notice the now?

2. You get to be spontaneous and open some of those doorways.

You know that saying, “you’re only young once”? Well, it’s true. As I alluded to in the point above, life really is too short to have every minute planned and scheduled. I can honestly say that I think that’s why I’m having such a hard time getting focused on work this year — I forgot to build play time into my schedule.

If you’ve been around here for any length of time at all, you’ll know that my inner child lives pretty close to the surface. I like to play and when I can’t I get very grumpy. Living in the moment allows me to work when the work needs to be done, but also leaves room to set it aside and go out to play when the opportunity presents itself. Whether it’s coffee with a friend, or just a walk in the park and a swing on the swings I much prefer allowing myself the freedom to do that than worrying about whether or not I should be doing it. I guess when it comes right down to it, I’d much rather make memories than money.

Which brings me to my third reason for living in the moment…

3. You learn a lot about the person in the mirror.

The best thing you can do for yourself is really get to know yourself … what you want, what you need, what’s important to you … not what other people tell you that you should want, need and care about.

Living in the moment allows you the freedom to pay attention to what you really want your life to be like. It may surprise you to see that what you really want is not always what you have planned for.

4. You can let go of your worries just for the moment.

Have you ever noticed that when you spend most of your time planning for the future, you are worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet?

Worrying about the future can lead to stress, which leads to all kinds of nasty things – heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes included. When you live for the moment instead, you can choose to let go of your worries and your stress, just for that moment! Even if you only stop worrying for a minute and then go right back to it, at least you will have had one minute’s contentment and peace.

Try it now. Stop and take a deep breath and feel the stillness when you do. Breathe in all the calm, peaceful energy you can conjure up and don’t let any worries spoil your minute.

When you live in the moment, you can choose peace or stress every sixty seconds. Which will you choose?

5. There’s actually room for family and friends here.

When you’re stressed and stuck worrying about what has happened in the past, or what will happen in the future, there’s really no room for the people in your life now. You might have a life but you sure don’t get to live it.

Making the choice to live more fully in the moment allows room for your partner, your children, your family and your friends to be a part of your life. Not only do you get to have a life, you get to live that life, to spend time with the people that are important to you. Whether that means going on vacation, or just going for a walk in the park together is your choice.

Learning to live in the moment is one of the nicest things we can do for ourselves. Regardless of your reason, you won’t be sorry that you made the choice. Your friends, family, and most importantly your inner self will thank you.

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It’s a Universal law that what you put out is what you get back. My father was always fond of telling us “what goes around, comes around.” It took me awhile to figure out the whole concept of the circle and how everything really does come around back to the beginning sooner or later. And that you really do get out of life what you put into it.

You might thing that because I’m writing this in December that it’s all about the holidays. It’s not.

Sure, this is the “season of giving” but giving to others and putting yourself out there is a year-round thing. You shouldn’t just give during the holiday season, and you shouldn’t just give in order to get something back. It’s a given that you will get something sooner or later … what and when is entirely up to you. How you give is just as important as What you give.

One of the best ways to give is through volunteering. Giving of your time and expertise is a win-win situation, both for those you are helping, and also for yourself. There are so many ways you can give of your time. You can:

• coach a kid’s sports team
• visit shut-ins in seniors’ homes and hospitals
• volunteer at a local animal shelter
• volunteer at an abused women’s shelter
• read textbooks into audio format for sight-challenged students
• do yard work for your neighbours who might have trouble doing it themselves
• babysit your grandkids
• organize a benefit for someone who needs help
• volunteer your expertise to help people with income taxes (only if you’re qualified, of course)
• help cook meals at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen

These are just a few things that come to my mind when volunteering is mentioned. There’s really no shortage of places you can volunteer, or things you can do for others.

So, just what can volunteering do for you? Here are ten ways that you get just as much out of what you give as the recipients of your gift do.

1. You are a part of something bigger than yourself. It’s a good reminder that you don’t live in isolation, and that you can make an impact on others when you give of yourself.

2. It’s a big confidence booster. Sometimes just knowing that you’re lending a helping hand to someone else will make you feel better about yourself.

3. It makes you feel good about life. Helping others is a beautiful way to share your energy, making you feel good about life in general, not just about yourself.

4. You’ll make new friends. It’s almost impossible not to make a friend or two when you’re sharing your time and talents with people who share similar interests and passions.

5. You can develop a support network. It’s more of that “no man is an island” thing. Volunteering allows you to make connections with others who could end up as a part of your support network. You never know when you might need a friend or a helping hand yourself.

6. You get to see how the other half lives. It can be an eye-opening experience, and maybe just a bit of a reality check too when you come face to face with the fact that there are other people out there a lot worse off than you.

7. You get “real life” experience. The things you learn in the course of your volunteer time can’t be learned from a book, or in a class room. It’s why many schools now make community service mandatory in order for students to graduate.

8. You’ll learn something new. Chances are no matter how much of your own expertise you share, you will end up learning something you didn’t already know.

9. You’ll get some work experience. Regardless of what type of volunteer work you do, it’s experience. And may future employers weight experience gained from volunteer efforts just as highly, and in some cases higher than paid work.

10. You are making a difference in someone’s life. What you might think of as just an hour of your time may make the difference of a lifetime to someone else.

11. It’s a good reminder that it’s not always about you. You can get away from your own problems and challenges by focusing on someone else’s troubles. You might even find a solution to your own issues as you’re helping others.

12. You’ll add to the strength of your community. By helping others become stronger, you make the whole community stronger.

13. You will get to add a line to your resume. Employers want to know you’re a team player. By showing that you’re willing to volunteer, you’re showing that you’re willing to be a part of something that’s not just about you.

14. You can meet new contacts for business. Volunteering lets you meet new people from all walks of life. You will never know until you get out there just how one meeting can impact your future or your business.

15. You will gain a reputation for being helpful. This can be a great public relations tool if you choose to use it that way. Being known as a helpful person who cares about others in the community can bring many good things your way.

Volunteering is not only a way for you give and grow yourself, it’s also a way to help your community grow. Not only will you learn about yourself, what makes you tick, and maybe even what your life passion is, you’ll also learn more about your community, the people in it and what makes them tick too. And, as Zig Ziglar once said, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.“

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I don’t know about you, but when I have too much going on in my mind, I suffer from the mental “fuzzies.” It’s like having dust bunnies in the head, the kind you get under the bed when you forget to sweep it out.

But it’s more than that. In a lot of ways, your mind is like a closet that you shove all kinds of things (thoughts) into and forget they’re there, only to have them remind you of their presence when you have to open the door to get something else out.

I’m convinced, based on my own experience that creativity comes best with a clear mind. So taking the time to declutter mentally as well as physically is a good way to, well, create more access to your creative center. (I’m no psychologist though, so take whatever I say here to be my personal experiences, not professional advice.)

So if you’re not feeling as creative as you’d like to, here are a few of my favorite ways to clear the mental cobwebs and make room for new ideas.

1. Do something physical.

You know, that dreaded “E” word…
Yes, I’m talking about exercise. I never would have believed that exercising can clear your mind until I joined a gym and started working out every day. Even if I only go in for 20 minutes and walk on the treadmill, it leaves me feeling clearer and cleaner bot mentally and physically and I come home ready to sit down and write for the rest of the day.

2. Organize your space.

When your space is organized, it’s much easier to organize your thoughts as well. If you’re feeling mentally cluttered because there are already too many thoughts taking up room in your head, then having to deal with physical clutter only makes it worse. Take some time either at the beginning or the end of each day to organize your space, especially your work space, and you will find that your creative energy flows more smoothly when it doesn’t have to navigate piles of clutter and unfinished work.

3. Organize your thoughts.

Just as you organize your space, you can also organize your thoughts. I realize that doesn’t sound very inspirational, or even creative to suggest making lists and writing things down but it really does help. If you can journal or even keep a list of the things you have to do, the things you’d like to do, and the ideas you come up with during the day it makes it much easier to access the mental energy needed to tackle each item on the list at the appropriate time.

4. Focus on one thing at a time.

There’s nothing more mentally tiring than trying to juggle several projects at once. Focusing on one project at a time lets you focus all your creative energy on that work so that you can create to the best of your ability.

If you must work on more than one thing during the day (and we all do to some degree) make sure that you give yourself enough of a break in between so that you approach each project with a clear mind.

5. Make some “Me time” for yourself.

Speaking of taking a break, make sure you always take some “me time” during the day. Even if you can only manage ten or fifteen minutes it will help to recharge your body and spirit as well as your mind. Having only to focus on yourself instead of meeting the demands of others for those few minutes will give you a lift and time to clear your mind.

6. Go for a walk.

One of the nicest ways to use your me time can be going outside for a short walk. It is a great way to not only clear your mind from a previous project, but to gather new ideas and creative energy. Let your mind wander free and take in the sights and sounds of nature all around you and you’ll be surprised and what you come up with that you might not have considered if you’d spent the entire day indoors.

7. Find other ways to relax.

If walking is not your thing, (and granted it’s not for everyone) then do something else that you find relaxing. Whether you like to curl up with a good book, or soak in a nice bubble bath, or even hit the local pool for a swim these are all ways to get in some quality me-time and let your mind wander at will.

8. Learn to meditate.

Or, if you already know how, then make time to practice every day. One of the best ways to clear your mind is through meditation. I’ve also found that not only do I get rid of the mental dust bunnies, I also come up with some of my best ideas just by meditating.

9. Take a deep breath.

Finally, if you need a quick mental clearing, nothing beats just taking a deep breath or two. Breathe in calm, peaceful energy and exhale all your stress, tension, and mental clutter. I find this works especially well if I’m in the middle of something and the words just won’t come.

Clearing out your mental clutter is essential to being more creative. Try using some of these tips to get rid of your mental dust bunnies and you will find that older ideas and energy that no longer serve your purpose are replaced by fresh new energy and ideas that will leave you at your creative best once again.

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They say there is a fine line between perseverance and plain old stubbornness. One is a surefire way to get to where you want to go, and the other will just give you a concussion from beating your head against the wall. Call it what you will, perseverance is the “stand your ground” attitude that defines a lot of successful people who do get to where they want to go because they didn’t give up when things got tough.

Persistence and perseverance are habits that can be cultivated. Just like anything else that you learn on your journey to success, they can be learned in baby steps. So, since we all know that I’m a master of taking baby steps, here are a few that I’ve learned from when it comes to sticking to your guns and standing your ground to get where you want to be.

1. Know what you want and why you want it before you get started.

It’s hard to persevere when you don’t really have a clue what you’re trying to achieve. If you’re not absolutely clear on what your goals are, then it’s just too easy to get sidetracked. The best way to avoid this is to have a solid plan, backed up by plenty of self-reflection so that your heart and mind are in complete agreement on where you’re going and how you’re getting there.

2. Be willing to take responsibility for your mistakes and the actions needed to fix them.

No one in the world that I know is perfect. We all make mistakes, and fall down from time to time. It’s what happens after that, that determines your success. As the old proverb says, “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” And if you messed up on the way down be willing to admit it and do whatever it takes to fix it and get back on track again.

By the same token, no one that I know has ever had their dreams handed to them on a silver platter. It’d be nice, but it’s not very realistic to think it’s going to happen any time soon. My Daddy always told me that if I wanted to make sure something got done, I’d best do it myself and he was right. If I had relied on others to do everything for me I would never have made it as a single parent, or been able to get my degrees.

The common denominator in both cases is that you have to take action. You won’t get anything sitting on your butt waiting for it. Sure you might take a tumble or two, but at least you’ll have done something.

3. Looking for the good in every situation is another way to develop your own persistence. It takes a positive attitude to get things done and achieve your goals, so by focusing on the good stuff even when it looks like everything is about to fall to pieces, you’ll be more likely to stand your ground and try again to make things work.

4. Learn how to manage your stress. This one’s a biggie for me, and lucky for you I will most likely be preaching stress management for the rest of my life. :)

Seriously, though, when you’re stressed out you don’t think straight. You’re also more likely to let the negative energy take over and deter you from your course. Put simply, stress and perseverance do not go well together.

Meditate, learn yoga, or take up kickboxing but do whatever you have to in order to release the stress from your life.

5. Know what your bad habits are and make plans to change them.

Some people would call bad habits self-sabotage. I used to be one of them, but I recently heard a lecture where the speaker (his name escapes me at the moment) said there is no such thing as self-sabotage, only bad choices. So bad habits, bad choices, both need to be eliminated if you are going to be able to persevere on the road to success.

For me, those bad habits would be procrastinating and having too many projects on the go at one time. I’m getting better at focusing and getting things done but there’s still a long way to go. (Shhh… don’t tell anybody I’m not perfect, okay? LOL)

6. Put your pride in your pocket and ask for help if you need it.

This is one of those places where the line between perseverance and stubbornness gets crossed. Not asking for help or advice when you know you need it is just plain stubborn. It’s like those men who won’t ask for directions when it’s obvious to everyone else in the car that they’re completely lost. Don’t be like that. Lost won’t get you where you want to go. Ask for directions.

(Aside: I’ve been listening to a Billy Currington CD as I’m writing this. Just as I typed that last line, the song “Good Directions” started playing. How’s that for being in tune?)

7. Finally, in the words of Sir Winston Churchill, “Never, never give up.”

Take baby steps if you have to. Take leaps of faith when they are required. But above all, be like the acorn… hold your ground and follow your dreams and you will get there in the end.

And if you start to feel like it’s impossible, remember this:

“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength but by perseverance.” ~ H. Jackson Brown

You, too, can be the stream.

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There’s been a lot of talk lately about stretching boundaries and moving beyond your comfort zone. Most of it has to do with moving into areas where you are challenged to do something that is extremely UNcomfortable for you. Makes sense right? Moving outside your comfort zone shouldn’t be really easy, should it?

For me, the uncomfortable challenge is an upcoming branding challenge that I’m going to be participating in next month. The participants have already been warned to expect the unexpected and to be pushed beyond the limits of where we’re comfortable in our businesses.

That got me thinking about the whole notion of comfort zones. I’ve always been of the mindset that growing and moving beyond your boundaries had to be an unpleasant experience. I think it’s that whole “if it doesn’t kill me, it will make me stronger” thing. Like if I can force myself to make this change that I know is going to hurt but is good for me anyways, I will be so much bigger, better, faster, etc. etc. etc. But nowhere in there does it say I will be happy about it.

And quite frankly, that ticks me off. I want to live my passions, and since you’re here I’m assuming you do too. And there’s nothing in any book I’ve ever read that says that you have to be unhappy or uncomfortable. In fact, the whole idea of living your passion is to be happier and more comfortable in your own skin and with your own life.

The more I think about it, the more I think that if you do it in a way that’s right for you, then moving outside your comfort zone can and should be a rewarding, fun, and yes, even a happy experience. There is no reason that doing something new has to be a nail-biting, ulcer-inducing experience unless you want it to be. (Although I will admit that’s kind of how I feel about this upcoming branding challenge.) But that’s how we’ve been conditioned to react to change.

The key word there is REACT. If we were to be PRO-active agents of change in our lives, then making those changes would have to be a much happier experience. Wouldn’t they?

Your Life Passion and Your Comfort Zone

One of the big problems with going outside your comfort zone, at least the way it’s been taught, is that it has to be something really big, really life changing. And really big and really life-changing, by definition is really uncomfortable. Now, I don’t know about you, but to me really uncomfortable doesn’t have anything at all to do with being passionate. In my book, uncomfortable relates to wrong and for me to be passionate about something means it has to feel right to me.

So, the question is how to expand your focus on your life passions and move outside your boundaries at the same time?

The first thing to do is realize and accept that moving beyond the boundaries you are comfortable with can be done in baby steps. You can change your life with baby steps just as easily as you can with huge, life-altering leaps.

I’m a big fan of baby steps. I’ve done the life-altering leap a few times, and it’s never worked out well for me.

So, what kind of baby steps can you take to move outside your comfort zone and into your life passion?

• You could read a book that you might not have thought about reading before.
• You could watch a movie that presents a different look at your passions.
• You could sign up for a class that would give you more insight into your chosen passion.
• You could get involved with the arts community in your town.
• You could volunteer at a shelter (for humans or animals) or a hospital or a senior’s home, etc. and share your love and energy with someone whose spirits need lifting.

And if that’s too much for you, you can start with even smaller steps.

• Go for a walk in your neighbourhood and actually talk to your neighbours.
• Buy a new item of clothing in a colour you normally wouldn’t consider.
• Try a new restaurant or a new recipe.

None of these things by themselves is totally earth-shattering or life-changing. But each is an action in itself that you can feel happy about, and each one also pokes a little more at the barrier of your comfort zone. And each time you poke a little by doing something new and fun that makes you happy, you move that barrier back just a little further and these new experiences become part of your comfort zone instead of something beyond it.

The other thing is, that each one of the baby steps you take also fuels your passion even more. So that the more baby steps you take, the more you are living your passion almost without realizing it.

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… Show Your Gratitude!

I haven’t been able to get the kid’s song “If You’re Happy and You Know It” out of my head today. But instead of clapping your hands, my words keep coming back to saying thank you. I should’ve maybe changed the title to “If You’re Grateful and You Know It” because that’s really what this article is all about. Showing gratitude.

Happiness and gratitude go hand in hand. You can’t really show or feel gratitude when your unhappy, and you can’t be unhappy when you’re being grateful. Nice circle to be caught in … not a vicious one at all!

I’m probably dating myself, but there’s a line in the Sound of Music song “Sixteen Going on Seventeen” that goes something like “love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay – Love isn’t love ’til you give it away.”

It’s the same with gratitude. As William Arthur Ward said “Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” Which makes me think that gratitude isn’t really much more than a thought until you give it away.

Unfortunately we live in the age of assumption. So many people think things, but never actually say them out loud. And so we may feel love, or happiness, or gratitude for someone and they won’t have a clue because we never get around to telling them. We either assume they already know, or we assume they will reject our feelings and so we say nothing.

Let your feelings out and tell another person how you feel about them. I can tell you from experience that I absolutely love it when you email me or leave a comment on my blog and tell me you liked something I’ve written. You can’t see my smile online when that happens, but if you show or tell someone in your physical life that you appreciate them you will definitely see their smile.

So how can you show your gratitude?

We already covered telling someone you love them and are grateful they’re in your life. Here are few other ways you can show gratitude…

Write a thank you note to someone who has helped you. People hardly ever write by hand anymore. Taking a minute to send a card with a handwritten message is a great way to show gratitude. I know my insurance lady will be getting one this week for finding me a great deal. :)

Smile at someone on the street or in line at the checkout. It doesn’t cost you anything, and you can show your gratitude and spread a little happiness by smiling at someone when you’re both waiting for a streetlight to change or in line at the store or the bank or the coffee shop.

Give a friend a hug. It’s easy to assume your friends will always be there. Too often we take them for granted, and forget to show them how much we appreciate and love that they are in our lives. Giving a friend a hug is a great way to show your gratitude for their presence in your life.

Head outside and appreciate the sunshine and fresh air. It’s also way too easy to take nature for granted, especially if you live in an area where there is an abundance of open space. But believe me, when you live in an area where you don’t get that or don’t have a way to easily get to it, you really begin to appreciate every moment that you get to spend outside. Show your gratitude for the environment by doing whatever you can to preserve it, and get out there and enjoy it whenever you can.

Volunteer your time. What better way to show your appreciation for everything you have in your life by helping out someone who has less or is going through a tough time. There is so much hardship in the world right now that we should, as human beings, be helping each other through them. Giving even an hour of your time each week is a great way to share your gratitude for all the good things in your life.

When you share your gratitude, you also benefit from it. Being grateful is a core part of the Law of Attraction — what you put out is what you get back. Sharing gratitude and appreciation with others also sends more gratitude and appreciation back to you. And when you feel appreciated you can’t help but also feel happier and more positive about your own life.

So, to paraphrase that wonderful children’s song … If you’re grateful and you know it … Show it!

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If I had a dime for every time someone told me to just let it go after my divorce, I’d be a millionaire. It’s been ten years and I’m not sure I’ve let everything go yet. I’m working on it, but learning to let go has been, and continues to to be, a hard lesson for me to grasp.

Choosing to let go of past hurts and resentments is one of the nicest things you can do for yourself. Hanging on to the crap really drags a person down, and can lead to all sorts of disease and depression. The other problem with hanging on to the nasty pieces of your past, harboring feelings of anger, resentment, or guilt is that all this negative stuff takes up so much room in your mind that it’s pretty much impossible to be present in the present. It clouds your judgment and makes it very difficult to see the present moment for the gift that it is. It also makes it very hard to be happy because you’re always waiting for the other shoe to drop based on your previous experiences.

So what’s a girl (or guy) to do when it comes to giving the boot to all this stuff?

I’m no expert because, like I mentioned, I’m still working through a lot of my own crap, but here are a few of the things that I’ve noticed about releasing the past and setting it free.

Writing Will Set You Free

This is my favorite way to work through anything, because it’s true — writing really will set you free. There’s something about the link between the brain and the hand with the pen that makes letting everything out easier. One thing I’ve noticed is that when I really get on a roll, my writing gets really messy — as if my hand can’t move fast enough to catch everything the brain is spewing.

You can use a journal for doing the writing, but I find that using a loose page works better. In my mind, a journal is for recording the stuff you want to keep and remember. Since the whole object of letting go is getting rid of the stuff you don’t want to keep, it makes it easier to let go of it if it’s not permanently etched in your book of memories. (There’s also that little historian’s voice in the back of my head that comes from too many hours in dusty old archives reading other people’s journals that says someday someone is going to find this, and they’ll think you were crazy when they read this.)

I use either cheap newsprint notepads or scrap paper to spew on. And after I’ve gotten it all out of my system, I burn it. Some people say to rip the paper to shreds and then throw it in the river to be carried away, but that’s not necessarily environmentally friendly. Either way, the physical release works as the perfect punctuation mark to the mental and emotional release.

Talking About It Helps Too

At least that’s what I’ve been told. And to be fair I’ve known people who have received tremendous help and relief from talking about the things that they need to let go of. But, to be totally up front with you, talking about what’s bugging me is something I am not very good at.

Using a coach or a counselor can offer a safe haven because they are a totally unbiased party. It often works out that they will see the situation from a perspective that you wouldn’t have considered and that can make it easier to release.

Whether you choose to talk to a friend or a professional, it does help to verbalize what you’re holding on to and how you feel about it. The thought is that unless you talk about your past, you never really let it go.

So if you really want to release the past…

Practicing Forgiveness Trumps All

Until you forgive, you can’t really let go. But it’s hard, at least for me. I can hold a grudge with the best, even though I know it’s not in my best interests.

It helps to remember that practicing forgiveness doesn’t mean that you are condoning what the other person did, or that you are even okay with it. Obviously you’re not okay or you would have already let it go and moved on.

Practicing forgiveness means that you have chosen to move on, have let go of the need for retribution, and have found a sense of closure for yourself. It’s the “for yourself” that is the key. it has nothing to do with the other person at all.

Forgiveness is all about you. It’s the ultimate expression of release because when you forgive someone you don’t just release all the pain and anger over what happened, you also loosen the control that the past has over you. And that makes it much easier for you to get on with your life, live in the present moment and be happy.

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When you choose to be happy,a big part of that is also choosing to have a positive attitude. It’s hard to be happy when you’re always looking at the negative side of life.

It takes work to maintain a positive attitude in today’s society. Outside forces like the media always seem to focus on the negative over the positive. Good news stories that make headlines are few and far between. So if you want to make sure you keep your outlook on life positive, it means that your positivity has to come from within.

Here are a few things that you can do to create and maintain a positive attitude.

1. Get Clear on What You Want

One of the best ways to grab on to your positive attitude is to be focused and committed to your goals and dreams. It’s so much not to be distracted by negativity when you have a clear focus about what you’re trying to do.

My dad was a music teacher, and after explaining anything whether it was a simple phrasing suggestion or a convoluted (to me anyway) piece of theory, he would always ask, “Is that clear?” If you were still confused, he’d explain it again until you could say yes, it’s clear. If you looked particularly confused when he was done talking, his question would be “Clear as mud?”

It took me a long time to really get his choice of words, but I think he had it right. There’s a difference between understanding and “getting it” on a surface level, and being clear in what you know and want. When you’re developing your positive attitude, it’s so much easier if you have a clear focus on where you’re going and what you’re doing than if your focus is “clear as mud.”

2. Get Inspired

Once you have your clarity and focus in place, it’s time to get inspired. Staying positive comes naturally when you are inspired to achieve your goals and dreams. It doesn’t matter where your inspiration comes from — whether it’s from reading a book, watching a movie, listening to music, or watching a sunrise — every artist has their muse, that point of inspiration that just thinking about it motivates them to create great works of art.

Your positive attitude is an integral part of the great work of art you are creating with your life, so it’s important to do whatever you can to find and hang on to your own inspiration.

When you’re searching for inspiration, don’t be afraid to trust your intuition. If you listen to that little voice inside you will know whether you are on the right track or not. When you are on the right track, you can’t help but feel positive and inspired because everything will fall into place just the way it should.

3. Take Action

Sitting around and thinking about what you want to do is a sure way to let the negative thoughts creep in. The more you think about your goals and dreams, the more likely you are to overthink them, and end up not actually doing anything to make them a reality.

Let yourself take a leap of faith, call on your powers of positivity and self-belief to give you that initial push and take action. Because here’s a little secret…

The more positive your attitude, the more positive your results will be. This will in turn lead to an even more positive attitude, which will lead to even more positive results, and so on, and so on… It’s a wonderful circle of positivity that you create by always looking for and taking action on the good things that come your way.

4. Celebrate Your Mistakes

That’s not to say you won’t make mistakes along the way. You will. But if you celebrate your mistakes and look for the lessons in them, you will grow your positive attitude even more.

I know I probably sound like a broken record when I say don’t beat yourself up over your mistakes, but it’s true. Beating yourself up only encourages you to focus on the negative aspects of a mistake, and that’s not conducive to keeping your outlook positive.

Even when mistakes do get you down, the more positive your attitude is, the easier it will be to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and move forward again.

5. Hang Out With Positive People

When you need a pick-me-up find some positive people to hang out with. Whether in person, or online having a network of positive people to talk to will encourage you to remain positive. You take on the characteristics of the people you hang around, so if you’re in contact with people who are always positive and inspired, you can’t help but be that way too.

And it works… I was feeling really down about something the other day, and having an awesome little pity party, and one of my good friends just flat out told me it wasn’t allowed. In a two-line email she conveyed enough positive attitude to turn my negative mood around and get me back on track again.

It works both ways too… There are days when you might be feeling on top of the world, and your positive attitude will be able to turn someone else’s day around.

When you have a positive attitude, all things are possible. And exploring those possibilities makes for a very happy life.

Clear as mud?

Photo Credit: http://www.sxc.hu

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In last week’s article we talked about what sabotages your inner peace. Today the focus is on what you can do to get that inner peace back.

There are several ways to go about finding or reclaiming your sense of inner peace. The funny thing about what I’m sharing with you today is that as I was writing I realized just about everything that was landing on the page was something my mother had said to me more than once. I probably didn’t listen much when she was telling me, or at least I didn’t act on what she was telling me at the time but as I get older I find it amazing the amount of mother’s wisdom that comes back to me when I least expect it.

So here you go … Tips on finding inner peace, the way my mother taught them…

1. Slow down and count to ten.

There’s a reason my mom taught me this. It works. Slowing down your mind when you’re stressed and lacking in any sense of peace by doing something simple as counting to ten really does work as a way to calm yourself down.

Once you’ve got yourself calmed down just that tiny little bit, you can usually hang on to the peaceful feeling long enough to deal with whatever got you riled up in the first place.

2. Go for a walk.

There’s something about walking that will help you find peace no matter how slim the thread is. Whether it’s just the fact that you’re moving and have time to process what you are dealing with and how you are feeling about it, or the soothing nature of being outside, it really does work. Even if you can just get away for five minutes you will feel that sense of calm and peacefulness making its way back into your system.

3. Don’t take everything so personally.

It’s a sad fact that once of the biggest saboteurs of our inner peace is that we allow what other people say to get to us. As a child I had really bad buck teeth, and other kids made fun of me all the time. I had no inner peace because I took all their teasing to heart. That led to a miserable childhood because I took whatever anyone said about me so seriously that I lost my sense of self as well by trying to be what everyone else wanted me to be.

It took me a long time to learn that other people’s opinions of who I am and what I do are just that … their opinions. I still have days where I take things too personally, but most of the time now I am able to maintain my peace by realizing that what other people say reflects their issues, not mine.

4. Find one good thing.

My mom taught me to look for the good in every situation, but she wasn’t very good at doing that herself. By watching her and how she dealt with problems, I found out for myself that by actively looking for something positive to take from a problem or setback, I was much more peaceful inside than I would be if I picked everything apart and focused on what went wrong.

It may be the littlest thing, like a flower peeking up from a crack in the sidewalk, a baby’s smile, or even a butterfly that triggers your inner peace. You’ll know it when it happens because it feels like the world has just shifted, and you just sigh in relief and say thank goodness that’s over.

5. Don’t be a drama queen (or king).

Drama and inner peace do not go hand in hand, despite what Hollywood filmmakers would have you believe. The more you avoid the drama in other people’s lives, and especially in your own, the more peaceful you will be.

There will always be some drama in your life, but how it affects you is totally determined by your reaction to it. If you come at it from a place of peace and serenity, then you will find that you will be able to deal with whatever is happening more calmly than you would if you let the drama of the situation take over.

And if you find yourself getting caught in a situation where your peace is threatened, well…. See point number one again… Slow down, take a deep breath, and count to ten.

Thanks Mom!

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