February 5, 2012

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You ARE Worthy: Five Ways To Boost Your Self Esteem and Start Believing In Yourself Again

January 23, 2012 By Lena 11 Comments

believe in yourselfWhen your self-esteem is at a healthy level, everything seems to flow so much more smoothly in your life. You are happier, healthier, and more able to live life to the full potential you were meant to. But so many people don’t live up to their full potential because they don’t believe they are worthy of success, happiness and even love.

When you don’t believe in yourself, and your self esteem is in the gutter, it’s really hard to see just how you could be worthy of love, happiness, or success. After all, who can love you when you can’t even love yourself.

I know it’s hard to change the belief that you are not worthy. Especially if you’ve been in a relationship where there was emotional or physical abuse. It’s hard to believe in yourself when the person who was supposed to love, cherish and protect instead spent their time breaking you down and destroying your self esteem. It took me over ten years to recover to the point where I wanted to even try to go out and face the world. Writing an article like this to tell you about it would have been unthinkable before now.

Fortunately there are ways to overcome low self esteem — ones that won’t turn you into a hermit like me. Here are five ways you can boost your self esteem and start believing in yourself again.

1. Learn to say thank you.

One of the hardest things to do when you have low self esteem is to accept a compliment. Since you have this ingrained belief that you are ugly, stupid, unlovable or whatever you’ve been told is the reason you’re unworthy of love and success, it’s almost impossible to believe that there are still people out there who will see through all that and tell you how beautiful you are, inside and out.

Learning to say thank you and just accept the compliment instead of trying to explain why someone is wrong about you is one of the best things you can do to boost your self esteem. While it may be hard at first to accept a compliment at face value, it does get easier the more often it happens.

Knowing that there are people out there who do see the good in you is an incredible boost to your self-esteem. The more you smile and say thank you, the more you start to believe it for yourself and the stronger your own self-confidence becomes. Before you know it, you will be accepting compliments like a pro.

2. Accept Yourself and Your Uniqueness

It’s easy to compare yourself to others and find yourself lacking when you suffer from low self-esteem. There’s always someone who is prettier than you, smarter than you, richer than you.

In order to break this habit, remember that you are your own unique person, and you have qualities and strengths that no one else has. Focusing on your strengths and what makes you unique will go a long way toward improving your self-esteem.

3. Affirm your uniqueness.

It’s not enough to just say that you are unique. It’s believing it in the very heart of your being that makes the difference. Using affirmations to remind yourself that you are unique and worthy of love, happiness, and success is a good way to build up your self esteem. The more you tell yourself you are worthy, the more you being to believe it.

Affirmations are great because they belong totally in the present moment. The instant you say “I AM worthy” you ARE worthy. Even if it’s only for that moment, and you go back to thinking you’re not in the next … that one moment is enough to get you started on the way to improving your view of yourself. The more moments you can string together where you affirm and believe in your own self worth, the stronger your self-esteem becomes.

4. Avoid negative people as if they were the plague.

Really, negative people and negative energy ARE a plague on your self esteem. Do not let other people steal your dreams or make you feel bad for following your heart just because they are too afraid to follow their own.

If you can, avoid them at all costs. Sometimes it’s the people who are closest to you who do the most damage because they think they are helping. If you can’t avoid them do your best to limit your exposure and don’t share your goals and dreams with them.

5. Get professional help if you need to.

There are times when our self-esteem has taken such a beating that the only way we can get it back is with professional help. If you can afford it, a life coach is an excellent option to help you see that you are worthy and give you the tools you need to start believing in yourself again.

If hiring a coach is out of your budget range, you can find excellent books and online programs that can help you boost your self-esteem and start living up to your full potential.

Knowing you are worthy of all the good things life has to offer is an important part of being able to live your life to the fullest potential. Yes, it may take some work to get your self-esteem back up to the healthy levels you want, but the results are well worth it.

You can do anything you put your mind to, as long as you believe you can do it. Improving your self-esteem gives you that belief and the ability to achieve!

Filed Under: Ezine Issues, Self-Confidence Tagged With: , , ,

Choosing to Live in the Moment – 5 Reasons Why It’s Good For You

January 13, 2012 By Lena 2 Comments

William Feather quote about enjoying todays sunshineIt’s the beginning of the new year and everyone that I know is either in planning mode, or was more organized than I and has already started to execute their plans for the year. Not me. I have the plan, but somewhere along the way I got sidetracked during the implementation process. But I’m okay with that because for me this year, it’s all about getting healthy and re-learning how to live outside of my office.

Before you start thinking I’ve lost my mind, let me just say that doesn’t mean I don’t have goals and plans for the year. I have a list as long as my right arm of places I’d like to go and things I’d like to do this year and some of them even involve work! More importantly though, it means that instead of focusing one hundred percent on business this year, I’m leaving time to live in the moment and explore all the opportunities that come my way through unexpected doors and windows.

Here are five reasons why I’m doing this, and why you should too.

1. Life is too darn short to live anywhere else.

It’s probably not politically correct to say, but I’m not getting any younger, and neither are you. Each day only comes once, and what you make of it is up to you. If you spend it all focused on the future it’s just too easy to let the opportunities that lie right in front of you go past without even recognizing them for what they are.

How many doors have you passed by that might have led to awesome experiences because you were too focused on either the past or the future to notice the now?

2. You get to be spontaneous and open some of those doorways.

You know that saying, “you’re only young once”? Well, it’s true. As I alluded to in the point above, life really is too short to have every minute planned and scheduled. I can honestly say that I think that’s why I’m having such a hard time getting focused on work this year — I forgot to build play time into my schedule.

If you’ve been around here for any length of time at all, you’ll know that my inner child lives pretty close to the surface. I like to play and when I can’t I get very grumpy. Living in the moment allows me to work when the work needs to be done, but also leaves room to set it aside and go out to play when the opportunity presents itself. Whether it’s coffee with a friend, or just a walk in the park and a swing on the swings I much prefer allowing myself the freedom to do that than worrying about whether or not I should be doing it. I guess when it comes right down to it, I’d much rather make memories than money.

Which brings me to my third reason for living in the moment…

3. You learn a lot about the person in the mirror.

The best thing you can do for yourself is really get to know yourself … what you want, what you need, what’s important to you … not what other people tell you that you should want, need and care about.

Living in the moment allows you the freedom to pay attention to what you really want your life to be like. It may surprise you to see that what you really want is not always what you have planned for.

4. You can let go of your worries just for the moment.

Have you ever noticed that when you spend most of your time planning for the future, you are worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet?

Worrying about the future can lead to stress, which leads to all kinds of nasty things – heart disease, high blood pressure, and diabetes included. When you live for the moment instead, you can choose to let go of your worries and your stress, just for that moment! Even if you only stop worrying for a minute and then go right back to it, at least you will have had one minute’s contentment and peace.

Try it now. Stop and take a deep breath and feel the stillness when you do. Breathe in all the calm, peaceful energy you can conjure up and don’t let any worries spoil your minute.

When you live in the moment, you can choose peace or stress every sixty seconds. Which will you choose?

5. There’s actually room for family and friends here.

When you’re stressed and stuck worrying about what has happened in the past, or what will happen in the future, there’s really no room for the people in your life now. You might have a life but you sure don’t get to live it.

Making the choice to live more fully in the moment allows room for your partner, your children, your family and your friends to be a part of your life. Not only do you get to have a life, you get to live that life, to spend time with the people that are important to you. Whether that means going on vacation, or just going for a walk in the park together is your choice.

Learning to live in the moment is one of the nicest things we can do for ourselves. Regardless of your reason, you won’t be sorry that you made the choice. Your friends, family, and most importantly your inner self will thank you.

Filed Under: Change, Ezine Issues Tagged With:

Giving To Get: Fifteen Ways Volunteering Gives Back To You

December 15, 2011 By Lena Leave a Comment

Be a VolunteerIt’s a Universal law that what you put out is what you get back. My father was always fond of telling us “what goes around, comes around.” It took me awhile to figure out the whole concept of the circle and how everything really does come around back to the beginning sooner or later. And that you really do get out of life what you put into it.

You might thing that because I’m writing this in December that it’s all about the holidays. It’s not.

Sure, this is the “season of giving” but giving to others and putting yourself out there is a year-round thing. You shouldn’t just give during the holiday season, and you shouldn’t just give in order to get something back. It’s a given that you will get something sooner or later … what and when is entirely up to you. How you give is just as important as What you give.

One of the best ways to give is through volunteering. Giving of your time and expertise is a win-win situation, both for those you are helping, and also for yourself. There are so many ways you can give of your time. You can:

  • coach a kid’s sports team
  • visit shut-ins in seniors’ homes and hospitals
  • volunteer at a local animal shelter
  • volunteer at an abused women’s shelter
  • read textbooks into audio format for sight-challenged students
  • do yard work for your neighbours who might have trouble doing it themselves
  • babysit your grandkids
  • organize a benefit for someone who needs help
  • volunteer your expertise to help people with income taxes (only if you’re qualified, of course)
  • help cook meals at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen

These are just a few things that come to my mind when volunteering is mentioned. There’s really no shortage of places you can volunteer, or things you can do for others.

So, just what can volunteering do for you? Here are ten ways that you get just as much out of what you give as the recipients of your gift do.

1. You are a part of something bigger than yourself. It’s a good reminder that you don’t live in isolation, and that you can make an impact on others when you give of yourself.

2. It’s a big confidence booster. Sometimes just knowing that you’re lending a helping hand to someone else will make you feel better about yourself.

3. It makes you feel good about life. Helping others is a beautiful way to share your energy, making you feel good about life in general, not just about yourself.

4. You’ll make new friends. It’s almost impossible not to make a friend or two when you’re sharing your time and talents with people who share similar interests and passions.

5. You can develop a support network. It’s more of that “no man is an island” thing. Volunteering allows you to make connections with others who could end up as a part of your support network. You never know when you might need a friend or a helping hand yourself.

6. You get to see how the other half lives. It can be an eye-opening experience, and maybe just a bit of a reality check too when you come face to face with the fact that there are other people out there a lot worse off than you.

7. You get “real life” experience. The things you learn in the course of your volunteer time can’t be learned from a book, or in a class room. It’s why many schools now make community service mandatory in order for students to graduate.

8. You’ll learn something new. Chances are no matter how much of your own expertise you share, you will end up learning something you didn’t already know.

9. You’ll get some work experience. Regardless of what type of volunteer work you do, it’s experience. And may future employers weight experience gained from volunteer efforts just as highly, and in some cases higher than paid work.

10. You are making a difference in someone’s life. What you might think of as just an hour of your time may make the difference of a lifetime to someone else.

11. It’s a good reminder that it’s not always about you. You can get away from your own problems and challenges by focusing on someone else’s troubles. You might even find a solution to your own issues as you’re helping others.

12. You’ll add to the strength of your community. By helping others become stronger, you make the whole community stronger.

13. You will get to add a line to your resume. Employers want to know you’re a team player. By showing that you’re willing to volunteer, you’re showing that you’re willing to be a part of something that’s not just about you.

14. You can meet new contacts for business. Volunteering lets you meet new people from all walks of life. You will never know until you get out there just how one meeting can impact your future or your business.

15. You will gain a reputation for being helpful. This can be a great public relations tool if you choose to use it that way. Being known as a helpful person who cares about others in the community can bring many good things your way.

Volunteering is not only a way for you give and grow yourself, it’s also a way to help your community grow. Not only will you learn about yourself, what makes you tick, and maybe even what your life passion is, you’ll also learn more about your community, the people in it and what makes them tick too. And, as Zig Ziglar once said, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help other people get what they want.“

Filed Under: Ezine Issues Tagged With: , ,

Mental Decluttering: 9 Ways To Declutter Your Mind When You Need To Be Creative

November 14, 2011 By Lena 1 Comment

nature walk to clear your mindI don’t know about you, but when I have too much going on in my mind, I suffer from the mental “fuzzies.” It’s like having dust bunnies in the head, the kind you get under the bed when you forget to sweep it out.

But it’s more than that. In a lot of ways, your mind is like a closet that you shove all kinds of things (thoughts) into and forget they’re there, only to have them remind you of their presence when you have to open the door to get something else out.

I’m convinced, based on my own experience that creativity comes best with a clear mind. So taking the time to declutter mentally as well as physically is a good way to, well, create more access to your creative center. (I’m no psychologist though, so take whatever I say here to be my personal experiences, not professional advice.)

So if you’re not feeling as creative as you’d like to, here are a few of my favorite ways to clear the mental cobwebs and make room for new ideas.

1. Do something physical.

You know, that dreaded “E” word…
Yes, I’m talking about exercise. I never would have believed that exercising can clear your mind until I joined a gym and started working out every day. Even if I only go in for 20 minutes and walk on the treadmill, it leaves me feeling clearer and cleaner bot mentally and physically and I come home ready to sit down and write for the rest of the day.

2. Organize your space.

When your space is organized, it’s much easier to organize your thoughts as well. If you’re feeling mentally cluttered because there are already too many thoughts taking up room in your head, then having to deal with physical clutter only makes it worse. Take some time either at the beginning or the end of each day to organize your space, especially your work space, and you will find that your creative energy flows more smoothly when it doesn’t have to navigate piles of clutter and unfinished work.

3. Organize your thoughts.

Just as you organize your space, you can also organize your thoughts. I realize that doesn’t sound very inspirational, or even creative to suggest making lists and writing things down but it really does help. If you can journal or even keep a list of the things you have to do, the things you’d like to do, and the ideas you come up with during the day it makes it much easier to access the mental energy needed to tackle each item on the list at the appropriate time.

4. Focus on one thing at a time.

There’s nothing more mentally tiring than trying to juggle several projects at once. Focusing on one project at a time lets you focus all your creative energy on that work so that you can create to the best of your ability.

If you must work on more than one thing during the day (and we all do to some degree) make sure that you give yourself enough of a break in between so that you approach each project with a clear mind.

5. Make some “Me time” for yourself.

Speaking of taking a break, make sure you always take some “me time” during the day. Even if you can only manage ten or fifteen minutes it will help to recharge your body and spirit as well as your mind. Having only to focus on yourself instead of meeting the demands of others for those few minutes will give you a lift and time to clear your mind.

6. Go for a walk.

One of the nicest ways to use your me time can be going outside for a short walk. It is a great way to not only clear your mind from a previous project, but to gather new ideas and creative energy. Let your mind wander free and take in the sights and sounds of nature all around you and you’ll be surprised and what you come up with that you might not have considered if you’d spent the entire day indoors.

7. Find other ways to relax.

If walking is not your thing, (and granted it’s not for everyone) then do something else that you find relaxing. Whether you like to curl up with a good book, or soak in a nice bubble bath, or even hit the local pool for a swim these are all ways to get in some quality me-time and let your mind wander at will.

8. Learn to meditate.

Or, if you already know how, then make time to practice every day. One of the best ways to clear your mind is through meditation. I’ve also found that not only do I get rid of the mental dust bunnies, I also come up with some of my best ideas just by meditating.

9. Take a deep breath.

Finally, if you need a quick mental clearing, nothing beats just taking a deep breath or two. Breathe in calm, peaceful energy and exhale all your stress, tension, and mental clutter. I find this works especially well if I’m in the middle of something and the words just won’t come.

Clearing out your mental clutter is essential to being more creative. Try using some of these tips to get rid of your mental dust bunnies and you will find that older ideas and energy that no longer serve your purpose are replaced by fresh new energy and ideas that will leave you at your creative best once again.

Filed Under: Creativity, Ezine Issues Tagged With: , ,

Stand Your Ground, Be the Stream: Seven Lessons on Perseverance and Success

October 18, 2011 By Lena 10 Comments

The Acorn StashThey say there is a fine line between perseverance and plain old stubbornness. One is a surefire way to get to where you want to go, and the other will just give you a concussion from beating your head against the wall. Call it what you will, perseverance is the “stand your ground” attitude that defines a lot of successful people who do get to where they want to go because they didn’t give up when things got tough.

Persistence and perseverance are habits that can be cultivated. Just like anything else that you learn on your journey to success, they can be learned in baby steps. So, since we all know that I’m a master of taking baby steps, here are a few that I’ve learned from when it comes to sticking to your guns and standing your ground to get where you want to be.

1. Know what you want and why you want it before you get started.

It’s hard to persevere when you don’t really have a clue what you’re trying to achieve. If you’re not absolutely clear on what your goals are, then it’s just too easy to get sidetracked. The best way to avoid this is to have a solid plan, backed up by plenty of self-reflection so that your heart and mind are in complete agreement on where you’re going and how you’re getting there.

2. Be willing to take responsibility for your mistakes and the actions needed to fix them.

No one in the world that I know is perfect. We all make mistakes, and fall down from time to time. It’s what happens after that, that determines your success. As the old proverb says, “Fall down seven times, get up eight.” And if you messed up on the way down be willing to admit it and do whatever it takes to fix it and get back on track again.

By the same token, no one that I know has ever had their dreams handed to them on a silver platter. It’d be nice, but it’s not very realistic to think it’s going to happen any time soon. My Daddy always told me that if I wanted to make sure something got done, I’d best do it myself and he was right. If I had relied on others to do everything for me I would never have made it as a single parent, or been able to get my degrees.

The common denominator in both cases is that you have to take action. You won’t get anything sitting on your butt waiting for it. Sure you might take a tumble or two, but at least you’ll have done something.

3. Looking for the good in every situation is another way to develop your own persistence. It takes a positive attitude to get things done and achieve your goals, so by focusing on the good stuff even when it looks like everything is about to fall to pieces, you’ll be more likely to stand your ground and try again to make things work.

4. Learn how to manage your stress. This one’s a biggie for me, and lucky for you I will most likely be preaching stress management for the rest of my life. :)

Seriously, though, when you’re stressed out you don’t think straight. You’re also more likely to let the negative energy take over and deter you from your course. Put simply, stress and perseverance do not go well together.

Meditate, learn yoga, or take up kickboxing but do whatever you have to in order to release the stress from your life.

5. Know what your bad habits are and make plans to change them.

Some people would call bad habits self-sabotage. I used to be one of them, but I recently heard a lecture where the speaker (his name escapes me at the moment) said there is no such thing as self-sabotage, only bad choices. So bad habits, bad choices, both need to be eliminated if you are going to be able to persevere on the road to success.

For me, those bad habits would be procrastinating and having too many projects on the go at one time. I’m getting better at focusing and getting things done but there’s still a long way to go. (Shhh… don’t tell anybody I’m not perfect, okay? LOL)

6. Put your pride in your pocket and ask for help if you need it.

This is one of those places where the line between perseverance and stubbornness gets crossed. Not asking for help or advice when you know you need it is just plain stubborn. It’s like those men who won’t ask for directions when it’s obvious to everyone else in the car that they’re completely lost. Don’t be like that. Lost won’t get you where you want to go. Ask for directions.

(Aside: I’ve been listening to a Billy Currington CD as I’m writing this. Just as I typed that last line, the song “Good Directions” started playing. How’s that for being in tune?)

be the stream7. Finally, in the words of Sir Winston Churchill, “Never, never give up.”

Take baby steps if you have to. Take leaps of faith when they are required. But above all, be like the acorn… hold your ground and follow your dreams and you will get there in the end.

And if you start to feel like it’s impossible, remember this:

“In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength but by perseverance.” ~ H. Jackson Brown

You, too, can be the stream.

Filed Under: Ezine Issues, Success Tagged With: , ,

Being Happy and Living Your Passion Just Outside Your Comfort Zone

September 30, 2011 By Lena 2 Comments

Otonabee River in fallThere’s been a lot of talk lately about stretching boundaries and moving beyond your comfort zone. Most of it has to do with moving into areas where you are challenged to do something that is extremely UNcomfortable for you. Makes sense right? Moving outside your comfort zone shouldn’t be really easy, should it?

For me, the uncomfortable challenge is an upcoming branding challenge that I’m going to be participating in next month. The participants have already been warned to expect the unexpected and to be pushed beyond the limits of where we’re comfortable in our businesses.

That got me thinking about the whole notion of comfort zones. I’ve always been of the mindset that growing and moving beyond your boundaries had to be an unpleasant experience. I think it’s that whole “if it doesn’t kill me, it will make me stronger” thing. Like if I can force myself to make this change that I know is going to hurt but is good for me anyways, I will be so much bigger, better, faster, etc. etc. etc. But nowhere in there does it say I will be happy about it.

And quite frankly, that ticks me off. I want to live my passions, and since you’re here I’m assuming you do too. And there’s nothing in any book I’ve ever read that says that you have to be unhappy or uncomfortable. In fact, the whole idea of living your passion is to be happier and more comfortable in your own skin and with your own life.

The more I think about it, the more I think that if you do it in a way that’s right for you, then moving outside your comfort zone can and should be a rewarding, fun, and yes, even a happy experience. There is no reason that doing something new has to be a nail-biting, ulcer-inducing experience unless you want it to be. (Although I will admit that’s kind of how I feel about this upcoming branding challenge.) But that’s how we’ve been conditioned to react to change.

The key word there is REACT. If we were to be PRO-active agents of change in our lives, then making those changes would have to be a much happier experience. Wouldn’t they?

Your Life Passion and Your Comfort Zone

One of the big problems with going outside your comfort zone, at least the way it’s been taught, is that it has to be something really big, really life changing. And really big and really life-changing, by definition is really uncomfortable. Now, I don’t know about you, but to me really uncomfortable doesn’t have anything at all to do with being passionate. In my book, uncomfortable relates to wrong and for me to be passionate about something means it has to feel right to me.

So, the question is how to expand your focus on your life passions and move outside your boundaries at the same time?

The first thing to do is realize and accept that moving beyond the boundaries you are comfortable with can be done in baby steps. You can change your life with baby steps just as easily as you can with huge, life-altering leaps.

I’m a big fan of baby steps. I’ve done the life-altering leap a few times, and it’s never worked out well for me.

So, what kind of baby steps can you take to move outside your comfort zone and into your life passion?

  • You could read a book that you might not have thought about reading before.
  • You could watch a movie that presents a different look at your passions.
  • You could sign up for a class that would give you more insight into your chosen passion.
  • You could get involved with the arts community in your town.
  • You could volunteer at a shelter (for humans or animals) or a hospital or a senior’s home, etc. and share your love and energy with someone whose spirits need lifting.

And if that’s too much for you, you can start with even smaller steps.

  • Go for a walk in your neighbourhood and actually talk to your neighbours.
  • Buy a new item of clothing in a colour you normally wouldn’t consider.
  • Try a new restaurant or a new recipe.

None of these things by themselves is totally earth-shattering or life-changing. But each is an action in itself that you can feel happy about, and each one also pokes a little more at the barrier of your comfort zone. And each time you poke a little by doing something new and fun that makes you happy, you move that barrier back just a little further and these new experiences become part of your comfort zone instead of something beyond it.

The other thing is, that each one of the baby steps you take also fuels your passion even more. So that the more baby steps you take, the more you are living your passion almost without realizing it.

Filed Under: Ezine Issues, Life Passion Tagged With: , , , ,
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