May 19, 2012

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Stop Creeping, Start Soaring, Build Your Self-Confidence and Go After Your Dreams!

April 20, 2012 By Lena 16 Comments

believe in yourself When you lack self-confidence it’s easy to become stuck in the rut of settling for whatever you can get. Because your confidence is low, you don’t really think you deserve anything more so you don’t make a big deal of it when things don’t go the way you want them to.

As you begin to build your confidence up you also begin to realize that you do deserve out of life, and you don’t have to settle for any old thing just because that’s what’s there. You deserve the best life has to offer and that’s what you’re going to get! And then hard on the heels of this realization comes the next one…

The only person really holding you back from becoming the confident person you could be is… you.

Heavy thought, isn’t it? And one that has weighed down more than one person and kept them from going after what they really wanted in life. Because let’s face it… it’s scary out there when you don’t know what to expect, and when you’re not sure you can handle having what you really want.

So what can you do when you’re ready to climb out of your rut and face the world head-on? Here are three suggestions you can use to build your confidence, let yourself shine, and really go for what you want out of life.

1. Make a decision about what you really want.

You can build your self-confidence one decision at a time. Making a decision to go for something you really want in life takes confidence. Every time you decide on something and stick to that decision, you are adding to your confidence and pushing back the boundaries of your comfort zone.

To get started, ask yourself this question… If you could do anything without worrying about money, fear or time being an issue, what would you do?

Write down your answers — and yes, you should have more than one. Don’t censor yourself, just be open to what your heart is telling you and write down whatever comes to mind.

If you can do this exercise and really open up to listen to your heart without the mind trying to rationalize your answers, you are already more self-confident than you think you are.

Why? Because it takes confidence, and courage to really listen to your soul and not let logic, society or anything else get in the way of what it is trying to tell you.

Once you have your list, scan it and see what really jumps out at you. Every time I do this exercise, there is always one thing that jumps off the page at me, and keeps drawing my attention more than anything else on the list. For me that usually means “Pay attention. This is what you should be doing next.”

2. Believe in yourself.

I’m not going to repeat myself here too much because I just posted about this the other day, but good things really do happen when you believe in yourself.

When you believe you can do something, you have a much better chance at succeeding so do everything you can to deepen your sense of self-belief. Meditation, affirmations, and prayers all help to strengthen your mind and thoughts and help you move forward.

There’s a great quote by James Allen that really sums this up… He says: “For true success, ask yourself these four questions: Why? Why not? Why not me? Why not now?”

I love the last two, because when you really start to believe in yourself those two questions will show up more and more often. And when you ask yourself “Why not me, why not now?” and the answer is that there is no reason in the world for why not you and why not now your, you’ll know you are well on your way to being the confident you that’s been waiting to show her stuff to the world.

take the first step3. Put your foot on the path and start moving forward.

To paraphrase a popular banking commercial here in Canada, if you want to start moving forward then start moving forward. Nothing happens and you’ll never stop settling until you take the first step and start moving forward on your way to living your best life.

Here’s a little secret to get you started… Just taking that first step will give your self-confidence a bigger boost than anything you’ve ever done before.

When it comes right down to it, you know that you deserve more than to settle for whatever comes your way. You are a beautiful, intelligent, person and all you need is a little confidence building to give you the courage to go out and live your dreams and your passions.

Use these suggestions to get started on the path to a more confident you, and you just might find that your life becomes a circle of self-fulfilling confidence builders. The more you go after your dreams, the more self-confidence you will have and the more self-confident you become, the more willing you will be to move outside your comfort zone and go after your dreams.

Here’s a little thought for you to take with you…

“One can never consent to creep when one feels an impulse to soar.” ~ Helen Keller

I can’t wait to see you soar!

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Gotta Get It Done: 5 Ways To Motivate Yourself When You Don’t Feel Like Working

April 3, 2012 By Lena Leave a Comment

It’s Monday morning. You’ve got a to do list for the week, and goals to achieve. You know what you need to do and why you’re doing it. And yet, you drag your butt out of bed, linger over coffee, and generally have a hard time getting anything done at all.

At the same time, your neighbour jumps out of bed, checks her to-do list, goes over her goals, and is excited and motivated to start the day and the week. It’s a week full of possibilities, she says. Who knows what might happen when you’re motivated to make things happen?

Don’t you wish, some days, you could be more like that? I know I do. There are days when I find it hard to do much more than stare at the computer screen and wonder what I’m going to write. While I’d love to say that motivation has nothing to do with it, I’d be lying to myself and to you. Because the truth is, motivation — the drive to get things done — has everything to do with it. And there are days when my “gotta get it done” engine just doesn’t fire on all cylinders.

The problem is, the work doesn’t wait. It doesn’t care, and your clients don’t care, if you feel like working or not. You have to find ways to motivate yourself when you’ve got to get things done even if you don’t feel much like working.

Here are five things you can try. They work for me, and they might just work for you too.

1. Start your day on a positive note.

You don’t have to jump out of bed and proclaim how happy you are to be up at 5:00 a.m., but starting your day with negative feelings doesn’t help either. You’ll never get yourself motivated if all you do is complain about how you don’t want to be up, don’t want to exercise, or go to work, or eat a healthy breakfast.

Starting your day on a positive note means feeding your brain positive thoughts and images, right from the minute you get up. One exercise you can do to start out on the right foot is to visualize how you want your day to go even before you get out of bed. See your day flowing smoothly while you get everything on your list done and you make great strides toward achieving the goals you’ve set for yourself.

Then get out of bed and start your day exactly the way you envisioned it.

You can also read positive books, listen to self-help tapes, or write positive affirmations in a journal to help start your day with positive energy.

2. Get dressed in the morning.

You’ve heard the phrase “dress for success” more than once, I’m sure. The problem is, especially when you work at home, you don’t have to dress for success unless you’re actually leaving the house.

Even if you don’t put on a power suit to work from home, at least get out of your pajamas. Sure, there’s that whole “work at home in your pjs” mentality, but it’s not really meant to be taken literally. It’s really hard to get motivated to work when you’re dressed for sleeping.

You’ll find your energy is much better, and you’ll actually be more motivated to work once you’re dressed – even if it’s only in your favorite jeans or workout clothes.

3. Hang out with positive people.

If you want to improve your motivation, hang out with motivated people. It’s much easier to motivate yourself to get things done when you are always around other people who are getting things done.

Positive energy is contagious. You can’t help but be around positive people and not have at least a little of their energy rub off on you. Besides, it can be a real downer to yourself and to others if you’re always the one who hasn’t accomplished anything while others around you are continually achieving their goals and moving on.

One of the things I like to do when I don’t feel like writing is create a mental competition with my positive-minded friends. Since I’m a very competitive person by nature and I really hate to lose, I motivate myself by turning everything into a competition even if the people around me have no idea that I’m competing against them.

4. Do something right now.

You don’t have to accomplish everything on your list right now, but do something. It’s self-defeating to set a goal and then not do anything about achieving it.

I’ve done this more times that I like to admit to. I’ll get an idea, decide I’m going to do something, and then let it stew until I pretty much talk myself out of doing anything about it. My best successes have come when, as soon as I’ve set the goal, I’ve started to work on achieving it.

Even the smallest of actions can fuel your motivation, because once you start working on a project, quite often the inspiration to finish it comes with the momentum you gain from taking immediate action.

5. Burn your bridges.

No, I’m not advocating actually setting fire to something. I’m saying don’t give yourself a choice. Sometimes having too many choices leads to lack of motivation because humans being what we are, will almost always take the path of least resistance. It’s more comfortable, it’s easier, and if you fail it’s really no big deal.

If you really want to motivate yourself, don’t give yourself an out. Make achieving your goal an all or nothing proposition, and you’ll find you’re much more motivated to get things done because you absolutely can not afford to fail.

That being said, make sure when you’re planning your all or nothing strategy to build yourself some options just in case things don’t go exactly as you planned. Make sure you have an answer if someone asks you what your backup plan is, and structure it so that you are still going forward. Just because it’s a backup plan doesn’t mean you should actually use it to back up.

Knowing what motivates you is a big step in knowing that you will be successful, and everyone’s motivation will be different. Sometimes it’s just a little push outside our comfort zone that will get us motivated enough to do something. Every goal requires you work toward it, so make sure that your motivation is strong enough to see you through to the end. If you do need a little push, try these tips and let me know how they work. I look forward to hearing that your draggy Monday mornings are a thing of the past!

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Five Easy Ways to Talk Like You Like Yourself

March 26, 2012 By Lena Leave a Comment

self-confident womanWhen it comes to talking like you like yourself, there is only one rule. Always, always, always keep it positive!

Positive self-talk is the first step to building your self-confidence and your self-esteem. After all, if you can’t talk nicely to yourself, it’s hard to believe that anyone else will.

I know it’s hard to stay positive all the time. It’s very easy in our rushed and stress-filled lives to focus on the negatives like “I’m late again!” or “I’m so stupid” or “I’ll never be able to do this.” But self-talk is really self-fulfilling prophecy, so if you continually berate yourself with your shortcomings, then you will manifest those shortcomings instead of the positive, successful results you really want.

Fortunately, there are things you can do to turn your negative self-talk into positive reinforcement. Here are my five favorite ways to “talk like you like yourself“.

1. Accentuate the Positive

As I said at the beginning of this article, always keep your self-talk positive. The goal of self-talk is really to keep your energy high and focused on success. Using positive statements and affirmations to push yourself toward success is one of best ways to build your self-confidence that I know of. The more you tell you self you can do something, the more you start to believe it; and the more you start to believe in your own abilities the more confident become.

2. Eliminate the Negative

No amount of focusing on negative thoughts and situations will turn them into positives. No bitching at yourself or beating yourself up will help to make you feel better about yourself. Instead the opposite will happen. When you use negative thought patterns you only undermine whatever confidence you have managed to find for yourself. And if you’re already struggling with low self-confidence or self-esteem, continually berating yourself with comments like “I’m such a dummy” or “I’m no good at this” will only reinforce your low opinion of yourself.

To reverse this trend, one thing you can do is to immediately overrule your negative thought with a positive one. So if you’re telling yourself that you’re stupid or a dummy, as soon as you have that thought replace it with something positive. For example, if your negative thought is “I’ll never get this right” you could override that with the positive thought “I AM focused on learning how to do this successfully.”

3. Really Like Yourself

“Talk like you like yourself” implies that maybe you don’t like yourself so much, but you’re learning. The next step is to take it to the next level and really like yourself. Don’t just act like you do, or say the words… put some emotion and energy into it and really really really like yourself. Be kind, loving and gentle with yourself as you would with any of your loved ones.

You know what I’m talking about don’t you? It’s so easy to fall back into the trap of negative self-talk that we often say things to ourselves that we’d never dream of saying to others. Learning to be nice to yourself is a little like practicing the golden rule in reverse. Instead of doing unto others as you would have them do to you, you need to like yourself enough to do unto yourself as you already do for others.

4. Play to Your Strengths

Playing to your strengths is good for your positive self-talk for a couple of reasons. First, you have to recognize that you have strengths to be able to put them to good use. When you are learning to be self-confident it’s easy to forget that there are actually things you do well, so recognizing your strengths is a good step in the right direction.

Secondly, knowing your strong points and playing them up gives you a firm foundation for overruling your negative voice. If you know what your strengths are and you know how to use them, it’s easy to kick the negative self-talk to the curb because you already have positive experiences to replace it with.

5. Be Real

Above all, be real. Be honest with yourself in your self-talk. The whole point of talking like you like yourself is to grow yourself confidence. If you’re not honest and real with yourself, you are not doing your confidence or your self-esteem any good. Yes, you need to always be positive but there’s a big difference between being positive and feeding yourself a line. The difference is that positive self-talk implies a level of self-belief that you know deep in your heart what you are telling yourself is true.

When it comes to self-confidence and self-esteem, the key word is “self”. Only you can build your own confidence. Others can reinforce what you believe, but if you can’t talk like you like yourself and believe it, then no amount of positive reinforcement from others is going to help. Your ultimate strength comes from within you first, and how you talk to yourself is a good measure of how strong you really think you are. Use these tips to stay focused on the positive. You’ll start to really like yourself before you know it!

Photo Credit: © Erik Reis | Dreamstime.com

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Harnessing Clarity: What Do You Do With It Now That You Have It?

March 6, 2012 By Lena 14 Comments

harnessing clarityYou may remember a few weeks back I posted an article on how to get clarity around what you really want out of life. It’s a great process to go through because having clarity about what you is truly a wonderful thing.

But once you are clear about what you want, what’s the next step? It’s one thing to say “I know what I want.” It’s another thing entirely to get it. Figuring out the next step often leads to the question, “What do I do with all this clarity now that I have it?”

Let me tell you…

The simple answer is “Do something.” Don’t just sit around basking in the glow of finally knowing what it is you want, or what your life purpose is. You have to actually do something to make your clear vision a reality.

The first logical step for most people, me included, would be to create a plan. I love planning. I can create a thousand plans, and my office has bins full of half-baked ideas (as in half-finished, not half crazy – just to be clear on that) to prove it. And there’s nothing wrong with creating a plan, because now that you have the end result (you know, that thing you’ve finally gotten clear on), it should be really easy to figure out the steps you need to take to achieve it. Right?

Well, as a good friend pointed out to me yesterday … Just because you make a plan, there’s no guarantee you’ll get to the goal you were intending. Besides, sooner or later, you actually have to stop planning what steps you’ll take and do something. Are you seeing a pattern here?

Taking Baby Steps

The first action you can take is to break your plan down into baby steps. It’s important to keep the momentum flowing once you have a vision and a plan to achieve it. Make sure you can do something every single day that moves you one step closer to completing your goal.

One tip I’ve found useful is to make your actions so specific they can only be answered with a yes or no. You want to be able to say “Yes, I did” when someone asks if you completed your goal for that day.

You should also make that goal something that is achievable by you and not dependent on the actions of another person. Ultimately, you can only control your own actions so instead of saying I will have $500 in sales today – which relies on other people giving you money in order to reach that goal – you could say “I will write and post five articles that talk about my new product/book/program and schedule them on my blog.” That way you control the outcome because it’s on you to get the writing done, and if someone asks you did you meet your goal for the day it’s very easy to say “Yes, I did,” or “No, I didn’t”.

Writing It All Down

A second action you can , and should, take is to write everything down. I know I sound like a broken record because it seems like I’m forever telling you to write things down, but keeping a journal around your goal and your actions really does help. It not only gives you a record of what you’ve done each day, it also harnesses your clarity by keeping you focused on your goal.

With a journal you can easily see if you’re staying focused and on track, or if you are wandering off in a different direction. Staying clear about what you want becomes less of an issue when you are keeping of track of where you are at each point in the journey.

Keeping it Positive!

It’s easy to get down on yourself if things aren’t going quite the way you want them to. Sometimes we get off track, and sometimes the rest of our life gets in the way of achieving our goals. Your journal will come in handy when this happens because you’ll be able to see where you took the wrong turn and what steps you’ll need to get back to clarity again.

When this happens, keep your attitude positive. One of the best actions you can take to harness your new-found clarity is to develop a positive mindset. There’s nothing wrong with taking a wrong turn. It may be that you’ve found something on this new road that will make your vision that much stronger, and will increase your clarity even more.

At least you’ve done something. You’ve made a decision, taken the step, and if you need to turn around and go in a different direction, so what. As Thomas Edison said “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”

You haven’t failed either. You’ve taken action, and if it doesn’t bring the results you were expecting, that’s no reason to get down on yourself. Simply take another action and see what results you get from that one. It’s one of the best ways you can make use of your clarity.

When it comes right down to it, harnessing clarity is a choice. You can take your clarity and do nothing with it, or you can use it as a focus for how you want to live your life. Most people tend to choose to do nothing. They call it freedom when they wake up in the morning without a plan or direction and just take what the day gives them.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard came from a Jennifer Longmore teleseminar. She said that you should always make sure you have a plan for your day before you get out of bed, otherwise the people in your life will make your plans for you.

When you choose to harness your clarity, you do have a plan for your day before you get out of bed. You’ll know exactly what needs to be done to get you closer to achieving your goals.

What will you do to harness your clarity today?

 

Photo Credit © Federico Donatini | Dreamstime.com

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Flaunt What Ya Got! Build Your Self-Confidence by Being Yourself

February 20, 2012 By Lena 17 Comments

build selfconfidence - be yourselfIt’s an unfortunate fact that when we lack self-confidence the byproduct is that we’re often afraid to be ourselves. We train ourselves to hide our own uniqueness so that we fit in to the mold that others have created for us. It’s a shame because it really means that we don’t like ourselves enough to show the world who we really are.

The good news is that as with most things in life, this too is circular in nature, and what goes around always comes around again. So as you start to build or re-build your confidence you are more willing to let your true self out to play. And the more you let your uniqueness show, the more self-confident you become.

Why is Being Unique So Important?

In a nutshell, it’s important that we be ourselves because we were born for a specific purpose. And the more we deny that purpose and try to hide from it, the more unhappy and unhealthy we will be. Abraham Maslow said it best, I think:

“If you plan on being anything less than you are capable of, you will probably be unhappy all the days of your life.”

It’s very hard to be happy when you don’t feel comfortable being yourself.

When you’re being your unique self, you’ll find that you have more opportunities to help others and truly create lasting change in the world. People will be more apt to pay attention to the things you say and do if you are not so busy trying to make yourself become a part of the woodwork.

To put it simply, when you are being yourself you are living your purpose. You can’t live your purpose and pretend to be someone else at the same time. It just doesn’t work.

Finally, as a result of all the increased happiness and attention you get from being yourself, you also become more self-confident. Yes it takes some getting used to, but what I have found in the process of reclaiming my own self-confidence is that when I accept those pieces that make me the lovable weirdo that I am, it feels like coming home.

The circle comes into effect again because the more I feel at home in my own body, mind, and spirit, the more I stop trying to be someone else. And the more I start acting and being myself, the more confident I become and the more willing I am to put my uniquely weird self out there even more.

It all becomes quite fun. You smile more. Your health improves (at least this is my personal experience. Do Not take it as medical advice). You get more opportunities to do things that are uniquely suited to your life vision because you are aware of what that vision is!

“But what if I’m not ready yet?”

That’s a common question, and one I asked for over ten years while I was busy trying to hide away from the world. To be honest, there is no easy answer. You just have to jump in and start living your life because if you don’t other people will define you – and that is not a fun place to be in.

So with that in mind, here are a few baby steps you can start with to make flaunting what you’ve got a little easier.

First, become self-aware. Know your strengths and weaknesses and what makes you unique. Only when you know what makes you the original piece of work that you are can you truly flaunt it.

Second, stop worrying about what other people think of you. Olin Miller sums this up quite nicely:

“We probably wouldn’t worry about what people think of us if we could know how seldom they do.”

That pretty much takes care of using what others think of us as an excuse to hide ourselves.

Finally, speak confidently and don’t discount your opinions, especially when you are asked for them. You are being asked because someone is interested in what you have to say. Speak up, and never apologize for being who you are.

Your own style, made up as it is of what you wear, what music you listen to, what books you read and countless other pieces is part of what makes you the unique person you are today. You should never have to apologize or feel less than you are for being yourself.

These may seem like big steps to take, and I understand being afraid to take them because I’ve been there. You can do this, even if you have to practice by taking one small step at a time. Even if no one else notices but you, it’s still a step toward claiming your own confidence and identity.

Once you get used to being yourself, you will be amazed by how much easier it is than always trying to fit in by being someone else. And remember…

“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson.

(Photo Credit: Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

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Becoming More Self-Aware, Part 2: Three Steps to Envisioning Your Best Life

February 18, 2012 By Lena 1 Comment

i become self-aware of the vision I am creating for my lifeIn sticking with our theme of becoming more self-aware, one thing we need to talk about is vision. Specifically, what do you want your life to look like?

As you become more aware of your strengths and weaknesses, and your self-inventory becomes more focused, you’ll find yourself developing a vision of what you want your life to look like. This vision is important to living your best life because, to quote the Toby Keith song, “If you don’t know where you’re going, you might end up somewhere else.”

If you’re ready to create a vision of your ideal life, keep reading for a three-step plan that will ensure you end up exactly where you intend.

Write out your vision.

Am I sounding like a broken record yet? Even if I am, I’m not taking it back. Writing down your vision of what you want your life to look like is one of the best ways I know to get clarity on it.

Here’s why…

As you write out your vision for the various parts of your life you are able to see better how each piece fits into the whole puzzle. For example, you probably have visions around your finances, your relationships, your career, your spirituality, and your home just to name a few.

What happens if your visions for the different parts of your life are in conflict with each other?

For example, one of the things I’d really like to do is travel. I also have a burning passion to create a rescue shelter for big black dogs. Not being home for large stretches of time is definitely in conflict with running a shelter for dogs that need my time, love, and attention. I will need to find a way to mesh these two pieces of my vision so that I can still travel even when I have a ranch full of big dogs needing my time, love, and attention.

Writing out the vision helps me to wee where things already fit well, and also what areas might need a little more attention to bring them to reality.

Visualize your vision.

Once you have your vision written down, the next step in the plan is to visualize it. Sure, you’ve been visualizing as you’ve been writing but this is where you really step up your game and take the creation of your life vision to the next level.

There are a number of ways you can do this, but the three I like best are:

  1. Read your vision to yourself every day. Out loud and with all the emotion you can muster works best. If you find yourself in situations where reading out loud is impossible, then by all means read it silently but still put as much emotion into the reading as you can. This gets your creative energy flowing and puts it out to the Universe that you are serious about what you want to create and achieve.
  2. Meditate on your vision and the feelings that living your ideal life bring out in you.
  3. Make a vision board on which to store the images of your ideal life. You can cut pictures out of magazines and make a traditional vision board, or you can save pictures online in a slide show and use them as a screen saver. Personally, I do both.
  4. If you’re inclined to share, you can also set up a vision board on Pinterest and let the whole world in on what your vision for your life is.

Don’t be afraid to make changes.

Your life vision doesn’t have to be something that is created and set in stone. It can be as fluid and alive as you are – and it should be just that!

Your life will change as a result of people moving in and out, new opportunities presenting themselves, and as you grow as a person. All of these events will also cause your vision to change over time. Always be open to changes and allow enough flexibility in your plan to incorporate all the good things that are headed your way.

Why Creating a Life Vision is Important

At the beginning of this article I said that creating a vision of your ideal life is important because it makes sure you get to where you want to be. It’s also important for another reason – it allows you to be as much in control of your life as possible.

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that if you don’t set a plan for your own life, someone else will and their vision for your life will rarely be the same as what you would want for yourself. Isn’t it better to be as in control of your own destiny as you possibly can be?

Taking the time to set out your own vision and working to bring it to fruition ensures that you are focused both on building your self-awareness and becoming really clear on exactly what it is that you want to achieve in your life.

Are you ready to get started?

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